I read a short review for this book and was immediately curious. I have seen some performance art pieces about the problems between the races in Crown Heights back in the 90s. I have several Reform Jewish friends and have been declared an ‘honorary Jew’ by them. I was curious to learn about the more extreme aspects of this religion.
Feldman talks about growing up without her ‘goyim’ mother and her mentally stunted father. She was raised by her very devout grandparents and her judgmental family. It’s easy to see how religious devotion overshadows the warmth necessary for familial love in many instances in her young life. I loved hearing about her sneaking books.
She is very good and going back and recognizing key moments like when she lost her innocence or when she knew her marriage would be troubled. I liked that Feldman wasn’t afraid to share even the darkest secrets of her world like the father who probably murdered his son for masturbating and the community covered it up.
Like all memoirs of this kind, almost the entire book is devoted to the past that made her run. Feldman spends almost no time on what comes after entering the world of the goyim. What did she do for money? Where and how did she live? Where did her son go to school? Does he ever see his father? She admits when she watched her first movie, she didn’t understand what she was seeing. What was it like to learn about movies and TV? What about all the forms of secular music? When did her anxiety go away?
I left knowing plenty about where she came from but not a lot about where she so desperately wanted to be and eventually was. I see several people of different faiths that are extreme. I’ve always wanted to know what they think of me and my world, especially since Feldman wanted to join it. The epilogue wasn’t enough to satisfy that. On the whole, it was well written and insightful regarding Hasidic culture.
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