Skeletor in Bridal

I discovered something recently that I think is absolutely brilliant: Target makes wedding dresses. If I were planning a wedding on a tight budget, I would totally consider getting married in one of these. The only downside is that I probably couldn’t dye it purple. They do come in other colors since several are designed to be bridesmaid dresses.

Since Target makes super cheap gowns, I thought I’d see what else is out there. I poked around David’s Bridal in the under $600 dollar section. They have a lot of great options for brides on budgets. It’s just a pity most of those options are alarmingly identical.

Seriously I don’t know how many ways you can reincarnate white satin but after so long, the dresses become difficult to tell apart. One dress stood out a little but most of them just bored me. I know you get the more interesting stuff when you spend more money but there are bound to be more interesting party dresses for better prices.

If I ever get married I want to wear some combination of white and purple so I nosed around bridesmaid dresses. Much like bridal, none of the dresses stood out which is kind of the point of bridesmaid dresses. One of the models stood out but for all the wrong reasons.

If the camera adds five pounds, does that mean this woman doesn’t exist?

When I first saw this picture, I jumped a little bit. She reminded me of some skeletal demon out of horror movie. I showed her picture to a bunch of my guy friends and they were just as freaked as me. One said she reminded him of starving children in Africa.

I thought most places were trying to cut back on unhealthy models. The Target models are small but they don’t look like ads for world hunger. I want to tie her down and force feed her a la Se7en but only until her clothing size is an actual number. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married but I won’t be looking at David’s Bridal until they get models that eat food.

Disclaimer: I know at least one of you will be thinking this so I’ll just say it. While things are going well with Boy Toy, they have not been going well long enough for me to even consider the above an option. Should it continue to go well into the next hockey season and meeting the families never say never.

Music: Real Girls by Chantel Claret