Park It

After seeing crappy parking jobs one too many times, I printed of a little notes in Comic Sans. I have left several on windshields of people who do fantastically bad parking jobs. 

Inspired by this BuzzFeed article, I've expanded my repertoire and decided to share them with you. You can borrow or steal or personalize them however you see fit.

Standards

The go-tos, standbys, and can't-go-wrongs in calling people out on their parking ineptitude.

Who taught you how to park? Helen Keller?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy but you park like a douchebag. Stop it.

Where did you learn to park? The Stevie Wonder School of Driving?

You park like Ray Charles. He's blind and dead.

You're car isn't nice enough for 2 spots and neither are you jerkface

You park about as well as Stephen Hawking walks.

Name Game

Playing the name game in pointing out someone parked like a moron.

Is your name Katrina? Because you're parking job is a disaster.

Is your name Rush Limbaugh? Because you park like a moron.

Is your name Anthony Weiner? Because you park like a dick.

I'm assuming

Based on certain assumptions, you didn't do that bad a job.

That's quite a parking job. I'm assuming you did it blindfolded.

Excellent parking. I'm assuming you did it while a rabid raccoon tried to eat your face.

Tremendous parking job. I'm assuming you did it while a crazed ferret clawed at your genitals.

Based on your parking job and vehicle, I'm going to assume your genitalia is less than satisfactory.

The Liam Nesson

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking to park like a normal person, I can't tell you I have more space. But what I do have is a particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long time. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop parking like a douche, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will box you in.