Princesses and Zombies

This post was inspired by this BuzzFeed article where Lily James, or live-action Cinderella, guesses which princesses would survive a zombie uprising. I wanted to call a lot of BS on who survives and why.

Snow White - Very unlikely
She is a naive and helpless the entire story. She only survives on the charity of others. If she can use that animal camaraderie on getting violent predators to attack zombies, she could make it. Otherwise, Snow will definitely need that glass coffin back.

Aurora - Die, early
Much like Snow, she exists to be pretty, naive, delicate, and useless in emergencies. Even the fairies charged with her care would be pretty useless. They can't make a cake or dress. How are they going to come up with a battle plan?

Ariel - It Depends
Mermaid Ariel would be fine. Zombies would decay in the water and those that didn't float or decompose would be stuck on the bottom. Merpeople aren't bound by gravity. They can move the same way fish do and would have the luxury of being able to be just out of reach while they slaughter zombies.

Human Ariel would be zombie chum the second they breached the palace walls. She's a wayward teenager with no clue about the world she's living in and, much like the others, is naive and useless in combat.

Belle - Likely
She would be useless in physical combat but her father's an inventor and she reads nonstop. At some point she had to stumble across nonfiction and get some decent ideas about how to protect herself. Her combat skills are weak so without backup she'd be a liability. If Adam is still a beast and his staff still inanimate, they'd be pretty unstoppable. A zombie can't eat a candle or dresser. If everyone's human, things might get dicey. Her odds are good, not great.

Jasmine - Very Likely
A princess with access to her own army, in a hostile environment to zombies, with a genie, a magic carpet, a tiger, and a hubby with intimate knowledge of the streets? She's got this. Even if she's solo, the palace walls are sturdy enough to give her time to think of a back-up plan.

Pocahontas - Lives
Friend of nature and hunter, she would become a complete badass. She knows the land and can probably call in a few favors with bears and wolves.

Mulan - Lives
Cosplays  a man in the Chinese army and no one notices? She could walk among zombies with the right camouflage. She's also a kick-ass soldier who could slay some shambling dead without breaking a sweat.

Merida - Lives
A strong, fierce, independent archer, Merida would lose that teenage angst very quickly and become a better shot than Daryl on TWD.

Tiana - Lives
Tiana is no stranger to hard work and doesn't have time for other people's stupid nonsense. She'd become Michonne PDQ in that situation.

Rapunzel - Likely
We're back to sheltered and naive but Rapunzel had enough spunk to get out of several sticky situations. If she's in the tower and/or has the hair, she'll do OK. She can hoist herself up a tree with the hair and swing down a la Tarzan with a frying pan if the zombies start to cluster. However, I have doubts about her lasting long term. If it's after the haircut, maybe no so much.

Anna - Even Odds
Sheltered her entire life, Anna is completely clueless and only moderately useful when the wolves start attacking. If she had to fight her way through a zombie hoard without Kristoff or Elsa to help, she'd probably wouldn't make it. If someone was around to watch her back and train her, she'd make it by the skin of her teeth.

Elsa - Lives
A master of ice and snow, Elsa could readily create an army of snowmen to take on the ones she couldn't freeze and shatter on her own.

A Few of My Favorite Things: Disney World

Having family in Florida, I went there almost every year growing up. Some people dislike Disney because they say it’s artificial happiness but I like the level of escape it provides from reality. You get to be a kid again and spin in a teacup or ride a rollercoaster or hug some chick in a furry suit (a lot of the shorter characters are women, including Mickey!)

Disney has a lot of happy memories of my childhood summers and my family. Whenever I’m stressed, one of my happy places is Animal Kingdom or Magic Kingdom’s Main Street eating an ice cream bar in the shape of Mickey’s head. I hope to go back there someday with my own kids.

I'm Gonna Love It

Last night I was able to get into an advance screening of Wreck-It Ralph. For those who don’t know (all three of you) this is Disney-Pixar’s latest film. It’s about a video game character who was tired of always being the bad guy. When the arcade is closed and the video game characters can be themselves, many of the villains and heroes hang out. Not in Ralph’s game.

He’s tired of being left out and hated. He wants to be the good guy for once and leaves his video game to try and do it. There was an excellent cast of voice actors for both the major and minor characters. It was a good blend of character actors and better known big names. (Try to figure who is Mindy Kaling and Alan Tudyk.) Despite finding Sarah Silverman incredibly annoying in real life, I loved how she portrayed her character.

The locations were within the games were excellent. Because Ralph’s game is celebrating 30 years, those characters move in a way that shows their retro nature. In Hero’s Duty, it showcased the hi-def of most first person shooters.

The story had everything you would expect out of a Pixar movie: a good plot, a heartbreaking moment, and entertaining characters. As important as the villain ultimately is, I thought (s)he could have used a touch more back story and development. (Since they took our cell phones at the door and wanded us, I will reveal nothing.)

I’d give it a 4.5 out of 5.

Current Music: Bug Hunt (Noisa Remix) by Skillerx