Why Are the Dead Still Walking?

I watched an episode of The Walking Dead with BF last night. I did my best not to be an askhole and follow along but there was one thing that always bugged me. Why are the zombies a continuing problem?

If they follow the basic rules of decomposition, the decaying flesh would eventually lose functionality to the point of rendering the zombie immobile. Soft tissue would be the first thing to go like the eyes and brain. Eyes are self-cleaning organs so with cells regenerating or doing anything helpful, most zombies would be blind in a matter of days.

Even if Walker #3 has glasses, he lacks the instinct to swat away the flies who want to lay maggots in that nice soft tissue. Territorial stray dogs might attack them and even some birds might figure out the blind ones are easy pickings.

There’s also the vast amounts of bacteria living in our bodies. The idea of vampires rising like started from the swell and release of fluids by unembalmed dead. If you’re in a hot and humid enough location, zombies are going to pop like rancid balloons from hell. If you’re guts have blown, the zombie will be knocked to the ground and possibly immobile since a lot of what keeps our joints moving and together is soft tissue.

Other environments are just as bad for walking necrotic flesh. Deserts would dry out and slowly mummify the tissue. It also poses the possibility of cooking what’s left of the brain. Freezing temperatures would freeze whatever water remained in the tissue making them rigid and slow.

Even if I focus on the poppable zombies of TWD, Georgia has animals. They’re not exactly stomping around Atlanta for most of the show so why aren’t bears, cougars, and aggressive stray dogs picking these bastards off? Where are the bugs going after the soft tissue?

Even if they are wandering around Atlanta, it’s still freaking Georgia. The streets make for nice corrals to light ‘em up, either with guns or Molotov cocktails. The fire should destroy the tissue at least rendering them immobile and cooking up what’s left of the brain at best. We’ve established they’re not smart enough to stop, drop, and roll.

Also, how did this even become a thing? Most developed nations are pretty on their shit about rare diseases. Even if the zombie virus started in rural Africa, it’s not going to spread to the entire world. How many Americans who never left the continent got Ebola? 0.

All zombie viruses in the mythos start as blood borne. Even if it turns airborne, it doesn’t turn people until after their dead. Even if it’s an air born virus that turns people upon infection, most countries haven’t forgotten what quarantine is. If someone is visibly sick coming in to a foreign country, they don’t get to stroll around the airport. Customs is going to have some questions.

Even if the zombie virus started in the U.S. (and Fear the Walking Dead makes me think otherwise), there are cops, multiple branches of the military, a freaking government agency dedicated to disease, and how many universities and hospitals available to work on this shit? At least some of those people have to be competent when a national emergency is declared. Can we please write a script where someone, anyone, has seen a zombie movie and has common sense? Sure it might only be 90 minutes but it’d be an interesting, realistic 90 minutes.

The Walking Lack of Science

The Boy is watching The Walking Dead. I have one really good question: Why are walkers still a problem?

I’ve seen season 1 of the show. No more. I know the show takes place over several months, possibly even a few years. Based on my limited knowledge of death and decay, walkers shouldn’t be too big of a problem.

The majority of humanity perished early during the zombie apocalypse. Most of the dead became walkers but walkers are just a functioning brain stem and decaying flesh. I recall no mention of any tissue lasting longer. Flesh decays beyond usability at a good rate. In a hot, humid southern climate, all corpses would be rendered immobile by decay inside of a week. They’d also be very bloated eventually bursting and rendering them pretty damn dead.

Even in colder northern climates desiccation would remove the usability of the soft bits that hold joints like knees and elbows together. They’d become brittle mummies. the first time any temperatures fell below freezing they'd become brittle and possibly snap.

Hole up for long enough and most walkers should be rolling torsos that can either be stepped over or easily handled. I understand the newly dead can turn but that would only render walkers a sporadic problem worthy of sturdy fencing and barbed wire.  

I understand that the virus mutated to take live victims but if that worked on everyone the show would end pretty quickly so there must be a limited immunity rate. This increases the walker problem but those trends can be spotting in people you know. The infected can be quarantined and summarily executed upon conversion.

As for roving walkers, your base of operations can add a few rows of barbed wire and beef up the fence. Maybe add a few strands of bells or something else noisy. And take out the stairs in any stronghold. (Any building during a zombie problem requires a second story and a ladder. Walkers might be able to pull off stairs but ladders would probably require too much dexterity and brain power.)

I know the show hangs on the premise of interpersonal politics and characters who feel the need to destroy what’s left of their fellow man but walkers are supposed to be a constant problem. I think some of the interpersonal troubles would calm down if walkers actually followed some basic biology.

Music: Paradise feat. Tarja by Within Temptation