The Fandom Awakens

I saw the latest installment of Star Wars on Friday. I had grown to loathe this movie by viewing time because of the inescapable hype. I then made a snarky comment on reddit that blew up enough to make the front page. I knew which character died within an hour. 

This didn't help since I'm highly critical of this franchise. The writing on the first 6 films sucks. While there are some funny moments, most of it makes on the smallest amount of sense necessary to keep the series afloat.  The character development is nonexistent. Leia's planet is blown up and we hear no more about it. Luke's entire family is flambeed but when he goes into battle, he wishes Ben/Boo Radley was there instead of the people who raised him. Anakin and Padme have no chemistry. When she said "I love you," I thought, "Are you sure?" Padme loses the will to live after seeing her babies born? That is the stupidest, most indefensible shit I've ever heard in my life and I've seen Trump at the Republican debates.

I went in prepared to hate this movie. I left with a new appreciation for the franchise. Contrary to what the previous paragraph would have you believe, I don't hate the franchise. I respect what it has done for popular culture but I saw it as an adult when you can't unsee plot holes and bad acting. The Force Awakens fixed most of the issues I had with Star Wars. It even passed the Bechdel Test!

The cast was diverse and talented. The story was interesting, made total sense, and ended in a way that had resolution and left room for the other 2 films we know are coming. The characters had motivations and desires that worked and they grew and changed as the story progressed. It was a good movie. I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10.

Why didn't I rate it higher? I want to give it a 7 but I have 2 major problems with this film and explaining those requires SPOILERS. You have been warned.

1) Cheap CGI

The new cantina scene was great. Maz (Lupita Nyong'o) was an excellent use of motion capture. However the junk dealer on Jakku? He looked ridiculous. I've seen enough episodes of Face Off to recognize the fat suit, foam, and paint that went into this character. It was very half-assed and again, took me out of the moment.

The worst offender was Kylo Ren's mentor. If you can nail Star Wars FaceTime in the prequels, Space Gollum should look better in here. For a big bad, he looked like the forgettable villain in a fairy tale cartoon for little kids. I don't care if he's 20 feet tall (you should call tech support about that BTW). If the Sith leader can look creepy and menacing on video conference, so can Space Gollum. 

2) Derp Vader

Someone kill the casting director. They nailed every character except Kylo Ren. Why did every other character work so well? Because they were either  already established in the universe or the new kids were played by unknowns except Derp Vader. He's played by Adam Driver, better known as Hannah Horvath's boyfriend on Girls.

The second I saw him without the mask, I couldn't take him seriously as a villain. Driver has gotten to much exposure as this weird idiot on an insanely popular show. FFS, one of the Obama kids interned on it! People associate him with this role. I couldn't unsee it and it took me out of the moment. Even his rage tantrums felt like Derp Boyfriend instead of Unstable Bad Guy.

While I'm on the rant, why does he have such nice hair under a freaking helmet? It's like he's out of a damn shampoo ad. Can you at least pretend to make him look different than Derp Boyfriend? Give him a military cut? Anything? How about a vague attempt to make him look like his parents? Derp Vader is a walking joke about the milkman. 

Did Driver do a good job? Yes. Had I never seen him before this, I'd think he was OK. A milkman joke but good. But I have seen him and it's like watching Rob Schneider as the bad guy.

Those two issues are going to be mostly my issues. Unless you've seen Girls, Kylo Ren hasn't been tainted for you. If you love, like, or merely tolerate Star Wars, go see this movie. It's the best in the franchise. The nerds were truly blessed this holiday season.

Enough Is Enough

I read this article on Cracked about why we really hate the Kardashians. He’s pretty spot on with a lot of his points but I don’t 100% agree with everything.

I didn’t rage about finding out about Lamar Odom’s big crisis. Khloe is the least annoying Kardashian and she was still legally his wife. When she put the divorce on hold to handle this crisis, I thought, “That makes sense,” and went about my life.

I spend no time deliberately thinking about that fame-whore family but our media makes it near impossible to avoid them. Recommended links on CNN or Facebook, rants on other social media just perpetuate their hold over our culture. Brown says it best:

“All those blogs and magazines and news sites don't talk about Kim Kardashian because they care about her, they do it because you care about her, and the frustrated comments you leave and the links you anger-share on your Facebook page do nothing to make that less true.”

Most people love to hate them because we all love a common enemy. Why do you think Speidi was a thing 10 years ago? I saw an article about Kim complaining how fat she was this late in her pregnancy. I saw red but knew posting anything would just perpetuate their status in our culture so I just resumed my regular life.

I think they’re vapid, materialistic, and useless. What good thing have any of them done with their fame and fortune? Before you say the domestic violence PSAs, they didn’t consent to those. That was an artist and photoshop.

That’s what makes the history of genocide and persecution their ancestors escaped that much sadder. They fled to survive and many of their descendants haven’t actually done any good in the world. Robert Kardashian helped a murderer go free. All of the women help perpetuate a shallow, image conscious ideal on young girls.

I will grant these fools their ability to capitalize on this medium and monetize their fame. That doesn’t make them smart. That makes them one step down from a savant. They’re not intelligent and they’re not worth our time. 

Unpopular Opinion: Sweet People Need to STFU Sometimes

This was partially inspired by a reddit thread and a few actual events. Most people who know me don’t read this but just in case, I apologize in advance if I offend any of you.

I think the world needs kind people with sweet, sensitive souls. Life is hard and ugly and sometimes we need a reminder of its sweeter side. I especially respect these people if life has been hard on them and they are still this way. It’s remarkable.

That said, I have a hard time taking life advice from people to whom life has been kind. If nothing major has ever gone wrong for you or nobody has died on you, keep your life advice to yourself.

Both of your parents are alive, well, and happily married. Mazel tov. We spent the Christmas I was 13 trying to figure out my father’s funeral.

Your grandparents are alive? That’s beautiful to have so many generations around to spread love and celebrate. One of them has hints of dementia? That’s terrible.

I spent most of my twenties helping my mother deal with my grandfather’s immobility, dementia, nursing homes that stole his cookies, his total disconnect with reality, and failing health. I got a lovely preview of coming attraction for when it eventually happens to her. Did you know people with dementia can be very ugly and spiteful? I do!

I’m really glad your extended family can come together, stays in touch, and just straight up loves each other.

My mom’s sister was 12 sorts of useless when it came to caring for my grandfather. She didn’t speak to my mother for several years while we got to deal with the fun times. Did you know my grandfather’s wife slowly stole money from him and wrote all his grandchildren out of his will? Or that the son she stole said money for didn’t do a goddamn thing when his mother was dying? That fell to my mom. And by golly was he horrible to my mom.

Your secure career with excellent pay and benefits is stressful. Please tell me more.

I’ve never had one of those so I don’t know what it’s like. It’s actually quite fun to guess if you’re going to have enough money for bills when they come due. Who doesn’t love going on interviews and not hearing back? How about that delightful moment when you realize how much cheaper your life would be if you had benefits like transit subsidy, healthcare, and the extra income you’re not making as a temp?

Of course I want to hear about the problems in your romantic life. I’m very single so I get to live vicariously through you.

We all want to find someone to love us but it’s really fucking hard, for some of us. Hey, it’s not like I’m the ugly friend and most guys only acknowledge me to get to you. Oh, wait… It’s really reassuring to hear you tell me I’m pretty. No one else seems to think so but I’ll keep being in denial about popular opinion and hope that doesn’t eventually seep in and destroy my confidence.

You think depression is like being sad and don’t want to deal with the negativity? That’s cute.

I’m going to be in the corner hoping my crippling despair subsides enough for me to do laundry. Hey, who doesn’t enjoy routinely contemplating the pointlessness of their existence? I would love to ‘choose happiness’ but my brain will not allow that to happen. It’s really great when nobody around you understands and doesn’t particularly want to know you’ve got these problems. Maybe I can make it through the weekend without acting on the urge to kill myself. We’ll find out.

Now I’m not in the ugly depressed place right now but that has been my reality before and may very well be my reality again. I’m also not single anymore but if I was out with my friends, I was the grenade the guy had to jump on to get to the hot chick. Forever alone folks, your pain is not alien to me. A lot of this is in my past but it has toughened me up.

When life has been a bitch to you, getting life advice from someone who hasn’t been there but thinks they know what they’re talking about is remarkably condescending. People with kids don’t want to hear advice to someone without them. Dog people don’t want to hear suggestions from people who have never owned dogs. Tourists don’t give directions.

I don’t want to offend the softies out there but I’m not the only one thinking this. If you want to be supportive, by all means do it. People in hard situations need all the support we can get. Just keep your audience in mind before you talk and respect that you don’t know their experience. 

Why Are the Dead Still Walking?

I watched an episode of The Walking Dead with BF last night. I did my best not to be an askhole and follow along but there was one thing that always bugged me. Why are the zombies a continuing problem?

If they follow the basic rules of decomposition, the decaying flesh would eventually lose functionality to the point of rendering the zombie immobile. Soft tissue would be the first thing to go like the eyes and brain. Eyes are self-cleaning organs so with cells regenerating or doing anything helpful, most zombies would be blind in a matter of days.

Even if Walker #3 has glasses, he lacks the instinct to swat away the flies who want to lay maggots in that nice soft tissue. Territorial stray dogs might attack them and even some birds might figure out the blind ones are easy pickings.

There’s also the vast amounts of bacteria living in our bodies. The idea of vampires rising like started from the swell and release of fluids by unembalmed dead. If you’re in a hot and humid enough location, zombies are going to pop like rancid balloons from hell. If you’re guts have blown, the zombie will be knocked to the ground and possibly immobile since a lot of what keeps our joints moving and together is soft tissue.

Other environments are just as bad for walking necrotic flesh. Deserts would dry out and slowly mummify the tissue. It also poses the possibility of cooking what’s left of the brain. Freezing temperatures would freeze whatever water remained in the tissue making them rigid and slow.

Even if I focus on the poppable zombies of TWD, Georgia has animals. They’re not exactly stomping around Atlanta for most of the show so why aren’t bears, cougars, and aggressive stray dogs picking these bastards off? Where are the bugs going after the soft tissue?

Even if they are wandering around Atlanta, it’s still freaking Georgia. The streets make for nice corrals to light ‘em up, either with guns or Molotov cocktails. The fire should destroy the tissue at least rendering them immobile and cooking up what’s left of the brain at best. We’ve established they’re not smart enough to stop, drop, and roll.

Also, how did this even become a thing? Most developed nations are pretty on their shit about rare diseases. Even if the zombie virus started in rural Africa, it’s not going to spread to the entire world. How many Americans who never left the continent got Ebola? 0.

All zombie viruses in the mythos start as blood borne. Even if it turns airborne, it doesn’t turn people until after their dead. Even if it’s an air born virus that turns people upon infection, most countries haven’t forgotten what quarantine is. If someone is visibly sick coming in to a foreign country, they don’t get to stroll around the airport. Customs is going to have some questions.

Even if the zombie virus started in the U.S. (and Fear the Walking Dead makes me think otherwise), there are cops, multiple branches of the military, a freaking government agency dedicated to disease, and how many universities and hospitals available to work on this shit? At least some of those people have to be competent when a national emergency is declared. Can we please write a script where someone, anyone, has seen a zombie movie and has common sense? Sure it might only be 90 minutes but it’d be an interesting, realistic 90 minutes.

PopSugar Book Challenge Book 22 or Why I'm Too Old for Some of This

For 'takes place in high school,' I knew there was only one place I was going to turn. John Green is an amazing writer. He could probably make the calorie information on a cereal box into compelling prose if he was so motivated. With Paper Towns due to be released very soon, I wanted to read the book before the move colored my idea of the book.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead.

Once again, John Green manages to create something that is absolutely wonderful. It's more than the story of a mysterious girl but of growing up and realizing there is more than one version of a person that exists. Q was a great narrator and I'm glad I got to see the story from his eyes. He was a little too obsessed with Margo for it to be totally healthy but I was able to enjoy the way he saw the world.

I couldn't like Margo. As a character in a novel, she's interesting, especially told through Q's eyes. In reality, she would be a melodramatic, self-centered pain in the ass who would care very little about the lives of those around her. I say this from experience.

She was bored with her life and need attention from her self-involved parents so she routinely went away leaving vague clues that weren't meant to be solved. She recruits Q before her latest disappearance and leaves some half-assed clues he wasn't meant to solve. When he does manage to solve them and they do find Miss Mystery, she ignores then before being a whiny little brat about it. She even admits to Q that she would have stolen his car had he not agreed to go along. Q wasn't a whole person to her just as she wasn't him. He was just an extra in the movie that was Margo.

The ending was absolutely perfect for both characters but even John Green wasn't capable of making me like Margo.

Summarizing what this season of The Bacherloette should look like

We'll open with 2 bachelorettes and Chris Harrison will pretend to feelbad even though it's his idea. The guys will get to choose the girl. This is a great twist even though we'd never do this to the bachelor guys.

We'll pretend to care about feminism by inviting Amy Schumer on for an episode. That should placate people until we slut shame Kaitlin for kissing all the guys even though Chris Soules did the exact same thing.

Because the 2 bachelorette plot twist can't generate drama for more than 2 episodes, we'll throw in a villain from Andi's. It will piss the existing guys off and bump up ratings.

That should work until Kaitlin is busted for having sex with one of the guys. ABC is owned by Disney and the only permitted reading material for contestants is a Bible so sex is bad. We'll slut shame her like crazy despite sex being a normal part of a healthy relationship. After we bust her like a teenager instead of a 28 year old woman, we'll make her admit it to all the remaining guys to add to the shame.

Let the degradation and feminist criticism begin.

Music: The Verge by Le Tigre

PopSugar Reading Challenge Book 5 or An Exercise in Frustration

I finally finished Writer Under 30. I read Never Have I Ever: my life so far without a date by Katie Heaney. The title is inaccurate since she went on a few things most of us would recognize as dates but because she never let it turn into anything, it didn’t really count. As someone who was in a similar boat for a while, I sympathized until she became self-defeating.

Anyone in Heaney’s situation is there partially by choice. She may claim she’s not totally happy with her circumstances but when presented with an opportunity to change them, she never takes it. When Spruce tried to see if the was interested in dating him, she found ways to shut him down out of fear. When Heaney thought he might kiss her, she instinctively found a way to avoid it.  He never explicitly asked but she never gave him a reason to. I’ve read enough to know that part of Heaney’s problem is herself. If you don’t take the risk, you don’t get to bitch about lack of reward.

Heaney is an entertaining writer with a good wit but this particular topic made her sound incredibly juvenile. Why did we waste 45 pages on her life before elementary school? Please explain to me the point of that. When looking at past relationships, nothing before high school really matters. I didn’t have my first date until right before college so part of my sympathizes but I went off and had experiences. It was scary but in a way that rites of passage are supposed to me. Heaney talks about wanting them but is too afraid to go out and actually get them. This is very high school level stuff and after so many pages, I was over hearing about it.

I’ve seen a trend of women getting to their mid-twenties never having had a relationship or much dating experience and they’re all incredibly immature for it. They need to go out and date and learn to communicate and relate to another human being. They also need to own that part of their lack of experience is to do with them and their own choices. You can’t always make people materialize but you can control what happens when they do. I enjoyed Heaney’s writing style and I’d love to hear more of it when she grows up and has something else to say.

STFU Kanye. Nobody Cares What You Think

Everyone is talking about Kanye West crapping all over Beck’s Grammy so I might as well throw in my two cents. Buzzfeed has an amazing list explaining why Beck was more deserving of the Grammy than Beyonce this year and I especially agree with points 1, 3, and 4. Beck’s album has better lyrics, he wrote them all himself, and he played an insane amount of instruments on his album. I found the album to be a little sleepy in sound but the amount of work he put into is remarkable.

What gives Kanye West the right to decide who is and is not deserving of awards? He has no idea what goes into these awards and how these decisions are made. All he knows is his friend isn’t getting the props he thinks she deserves. I doubt he wants to know anymore. If the world is not the way he thinks it should be, it’s wrong.

Does West make good music? Sure. It’s not my favorite but he’s good at what he does. Does that give him the authority to take things away from Taylor Swift and Beck neither of whom he knows? Absolutely not. Honestly, I know someone a lot like him. He thinks he knows better than everyone else, isn’t interested in facts that might alter his point of view, and doesn’t realize that he’s not that goddman special. I think very little of this person just like I think very little of West.

We need to stop tolerating behavior like this because that person is famous, skilled, or to avoid the ensuing drama of informing them their shit does, in fact, stink. Man-children like this aren’t going to get better or stop making everyone’s life difficult until we put them in a time out and make them think about why they’re really not that much better than the rest of us.

The Cost of Temping

When your friends all have full time jobs and you're a temp, some of the differences of those situations become glaring. While I'm always glad to be working, being a temp is more expensive than most people realize.

I get paid less money

A temp automatically makes less than a full time staff person for the same job because the company has to pay the temp as well as the staffing agency. The temp gets vetted, has access to a variety of organizations, and makes good contacts but we don't make as much as full-timers until we get hired. Clearly this has yet to happen to me.

I pay for my own health insurance

I opted for a PPO which is a little higher than an HMO but I have a relationship with my doctors. Most staffing agencies offer health insurance but some only offer it if you're working. I'm with ~7 agencies so I want to be able to choose the place that offers me work.

Most full time jobs either pay for some or all of your insurance. Your rates are usually discounted and your coverage is better. You're also not getting price gouged $50 a month for your weight despite the lack of any relevant medical condition.

No transit subsidy

All of my metro costs come out of my pocket. My current gig is under what I usually like to be making and the recent metro fare hikes took a big hit on my wallet. Since the service hasn't improved, I've tried to catch a few free rides to save money.

I don't get paid leave

If I'm sick, have a doctor's appointment, or take a trip, I don't get paid. If metro has a problem and I'm an hour late, it's an hour off my pay check. I try to take shorter lunch breaks just so I can get paid for that 30 minutes.

If you're on an assignment, no one will touch you

If I'm currently working, no one from any of the other agencies will offer me work. Ditching one assignment for another from a different agency wouldn't do wonders for my reputation either. The agency currently giving me the assignment doesn't work that hard to find me a future assignment until my current gig is basically over. I still apply for full time positions but, once again, that clearly hasn't come through for me.

I don't know when I'll work again

When an assignment ends, I apply like crazy and get in touch with all the other agencies. However, despite my best efforts,  I can't magically make work appear. When my current assignment is done in a couple of weeks, I don't know if and when I'll find another.

I can collect unemployment but that is always less than what I was making before. It never lessens the ever-present anxiety that comes with not working. You can't relax and enjoy it if you don't know if you'll be sitting around for a week or two months.

Being a temp is not easy financially or psychologically. I will have been doing it for a year this November. I am definitely ready for a full time job.

A Lack of Color

I have a celebrity crush on Nonso Anozie. I watched Ender's Game and tweeted that he was just as cute in that as he was Game of Thrones. He favorited it and I did a fangirl squee.

Who is he? He's the black guy in GoT, Dracula (the series), Ender's Game, and The Grey.

I never truly appreciated how white washed my media was until I had to explain who he is but I was definitely starting to see it in Ender's Game. One of the characters was known for being Spanish and an incredibly beautiful young boy. In the book it is very clear this character has tan skin and black hair. While Moises Arias is mixed and fluent in Spanish, he looked as Anglo as anyone in that movie.

Arias did a very good job in the role but they didn't do much to make him look the part. It makes me wonder if the auditioned anyone who did. Something similar happened on The Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence did an amazing job but I don't think the casting should have been a call for Aryan breeding.

Looking at GoT, almost everyone is white. There are 2 black characters, the pirate and the richest man in Qarth. Even the background characters have little diversity. I'm against colorblind casting in a period piece but this is a fantasy where characters' hair colors aren't restricted to the norms. Why is the skin color?

Why can't there be any background Wildlings that look like Eskimos? Why can't some of the average citizens in King's Landing have some diversity? Why was the BFF in Warm Bodies a white girl when she's a one-armed black chick in the book?

I have a friend from India who has a roommate named Igor. His group house is like a mini-UN with all the places of origins in that house. The group of people I socialize with includes a variety of faiths, races, genders, and professions. (This includes a Chinese doctor and very WASP-y lawyer. Make your own jokes.)

Why can't Hollywood reflect my reality? If the level of whitewashing in Hollywood is starting to grate on white people, you know it's time to change.

Music: City of Angels by Thirty Seconds to Mars

Literally Enraging

I just found out the definition of 'literally' no longer just means something actual, factual, or exact. Now literally also means "used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasis or to express a strong feeling." What the what?

I understand the meaning of words change over time. I have previously ranted about the contradictory definition of 'peruse' (to read thoroughly and to skim). That is a natural progression of word change I can accept. My main issue is the contradictory definition but that is part of the process of a word changing.

The perpetual misuse of 'literally,' however I cannot not abide. There are better ways to express a hyperbole without conveying ignorance. The fundamental use of the word is to convey something factual and actual. "I literally almost had a panic attack" is a powerful statement and conveys the necessary distress. "My heart was literally beating out of my chest" is not an intelligent way for adults to express themselves. Anyone who uses 'literally' the way it should be is probably thinking "If that had actually happened, I wouldn't have had to hear you butcher the English language."

Salon.com, librarians, and about half the internet agree with me. While lexicographers have technically validated that usage, most of the English speaking world will be deducting IQ points for quite some time. If you want to sound educated, pick another adverb.

Music: Word Crimes by Weird Al

Cold Iron

Back in April I had 2 interviews, both with potential to be something good and both turned into nothing. I know for a fact one of them liked me and were impressed; I was just overqualified for the position they had (my friend Melissa works there so not my words).

Another opportunity at Melissa's job arose. I know I could do this job and do it pretty damn well. Because of my previous contact with them I was able to submit my resume directly to HR on Sunday night. I haven't heard anything and that's not surprising (yet). 

Each place has their own routine of compiling resumes, meeting with the department to decide who to interview, etc. I can never guess the time so I don't know if/when to expect to hear back. This is the best shot I've had at a full time job since I've been unemployed.

Melissa loves this job and raves about what a greatplace it is. Free food, casual dress code, liberal vacation policy, etc. I'm incredibly nervous right now. I want this job but I also don't want to let myself want it too much. I have a decent track record of having good interviews and no responses.

I've also got an interview with another place they want to schedule for this week. It would be a long-term temp assignment with the possibility of perm. An entirely different staffing agency is submitting me for another position. I heard from the nonprofit I was with for 4 months about a short term thing but I'm on an assignment. Clearly I'm at least somewhat employable.

I'd love to get the full time job with Melissa's company and either position wouldn't be a bad back-up for the few months they're supposed to last. I have several irons in the fire but I've been in this exact place before. I was here in December and I was here in April and the only thing I've got to show for it are cold irons. 

I can't silence my inner pessimist as completely as I did before. As much as I want this to work out, I'm bracing myself for it to all come to nothing. I've seen this happen too many times before to not be ready for that again. I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Music: So Cold by Breaking Benjamin

Movement in the Wrong Direction

A FB friend of mine posted this. The fact that these movements even exist is a ridiculous and grand display of ignorance and privilege. 

"Financial and child support shouldn't exist"

I disagree 100%. Kids are expensive, especially if you've got them most of the time. Clothes, laundry, utilities, groceries, activity fees, doctor's appointments, sports physicals, birthday presents for friend's parties, field trips, uniforms, school projects, etc. How many of these costs would a father absorb if he isn't holding primary custody? 

How much earning potential did his wife lose while she took time off to raise the kids? Was it maternity leave, leave of absence, going back part-time? Our country has no mandatory leave for new mothers or fathers so her job might not have been waiting for her. If she never went back to work her earning potential dropped significantly. Why should a man get custody if he wants to wash his hands of any fiscal responsibility?

"Women can simply choose not to marry violent men" 

There is a great deal of psychology and mental manipulation that goes into creating emotionally and physically abusive relationships, most of which start just like any other relationship. It is never that simple.

In a grand display of ignorance, some of these men claim they were emotionally abused and still being manipulated by past partners. Why did they choose bad partners when it's so easy for women to simply make better choices?

The 'fake rape' bit is disgusting. These aren't "buyers remorse" women who regret a drunken indiscretion. Most of these women were raped by men who had no regard for consent or for her as a human being. The fact that these pieces of work insist on perpetuating these vicious stereotypes is an insult to all rape victims of any gender.

One guy admits to stalking his children because they were living with their mother. That's not denying you your rights, that's protecting your children because you're unstable. 

Everything about this movement from the shoddy statistics, selfish desires, lack of context for 'women's privilege,' and blatant hypocrisy reek of ignorance. 

Feminist websites are not 'enemy territory' to all men. We want equality, not superiority. Even if some militant feminists (a whole other rant) are the enemy, only a fool disregards his opponent so completely.

Men are absolutely abused and raped. They need voices, outlets, and resources. Men get a lot of body image issues from the media as well. They deserve voices and places to go for support. I completely agree with reshaping society so men can be caregivers or breadwinners, their choice. Men deserve the freedom to feel what they feel and not have to hide it.

We need to revamp how we define masculinity in our culture but what this particular 'subculture' offers is nothing new. It's the same old patriarchy in badly researched, victimized packaging. 

Love Me, Love My Media

I found a great article about how one woman refuses to date any man from the internet who doesn't admit to watching or reading something by women.

I posted this article on FB and had two major disagreements in any hour. The stand out quotes were:

"I read and watch what I like to read and watch. The gender, ethnicity, and religion of the creator don't matter to me."

"The quote "If that’s how you want this to go, that’s your call, but I’ll be over here flirting with the guy who wants to talk about how Pulp Fiction paved the way for Inglorious Basterds" would be (justifiably) ridiculed if it was said by a man."

Of course the Tarantino comparison should be ridiculed. Male directors making violent movies with almost exclusively male casts isn't anything new and the article says as much. The only thing The L Word and OITNB have in common is the lesbian relationships, hour long format, and women dominating the story. There is limited overlap in subject matter, locations, actors, broadcast format, etc. Male characters are the supporting cast and that's the rarity.

"It severely warps our sense of humanity when all the stories we absorb are ones in which men are people and women are background decoration." Of course we all primarily consume media we like but what you like is a valid factor when selecting who to have coffee with from the internet. 

But if you only like books, TV shows, and movies starring, directed by, and written by white men, you're only hearing the stories of (mostly white) men. And I say from experience, not all men can capture a female voice. We are not as conscious of our boobs as some male writers like to think we are.

If you never hear stories by people of color, people of faith (or atheism if you're religious), women or some intersection of the above, you're only hearing part of the story. An Asian immigrant woman is going to have a different point of view than a lesbian from Brooklyn or a gay man from the Bible Belt.

What bothered me was that my friends dismissed the article without really seeing the point. It's about the dominance of male voices and how that's completely normal. 

Female directors, female writers, and female lead movies are grossly underrepresented. Only one female has won an Academy Award for Best Director ever. What was the last female lead movie you saw? Can you name a movie with a female lead that realistically deals with issues women face?

Geeks have been begging for a Wonder Woman movie since The Avengers came out but the studios kept offering BS reasons why it wasn't happening. Like how men wouldn't see a female lead action movie (Lara Croft) or there'd be a lack of audience (millions of forum posts on the internet disagree). 

Fans shouldn't have to fight for media that's both wanted and needed. Batman got a reboot, Thor and Captain America got 2 movies, Iron Man got 3, Arrow and The Flash got live action TV shows before Wonder Woman gets her day in the sun. Also, can we get a little more Black Widow please?

I wouldn't call either of these guys sexist but I don't know if I'd call them feminists either. What seems fairly obvious to me clearly isn't to them. The world is doing a much better job of telling their story so it may be harder for them to see.

The big lessons to take away are:

1) Don't list too many of anything on your internet dating profile. 

Keep your list of media to 5 or 6, 10 at the absolute max. Give a sampling. When it comes to dating profiles, too much is never a good idea.

2) Be open minded. 

If a guy only lists a handful of media and they're all by men, he may deserve a chance. Maybe he just needs some help to find the right female driven show/book. And men, find some female centered media. Learning more about our lives and our voices can only be good for you.

Music: Wonder by The Doubleclicks

Guns Don't Kill People, Misogyny Kills People

Everyone is talking about Elliot Rodgers and the shooting at UCSB so I might as well throw in my 2 cents. It was a tragedy and my heart goes out to all the grieving families and those innocent lives lost. I don’t think Elliot Rodgers was an innocent life.

People are using this as a platform for gun control and mental illness but that’s not the core of this issue. From what I’ve seen, Elliot Rodgers was a sociopath who was the ultimate ‘Nice Guy.’ ‘Nice Guys’ are the guys who see women as NPC characters in the story of them. If they are decent to the woman they desire, she is supposed to be theirs. Her own agency as a person is not a concern

Elliot felt entitled to beautiful women. His father worked on The Hunger Games and Elliot drove a BMW so I doubt there was anything he was ever really denied in life. It never dawned on him that he might have a crappy personality, that women reserve the right to say no, or that he’s not entitled to another human being. Rather than face rejection like an adult or admit he might be part of the problem, he used it to fuel a disturbingly misogynistic ideology.

The part that is terrifying is that there are plenty of people who sympathize with this sociopath! They’re saying things like how women are stuck up sluts, how giving it up can save lives, and how this is the fault of blondes, not mental illness or guns. Men’s Rights movements and a plethora of on-line chat boards are backing this up.

This is sick, disturbing, and shows that feminism still has a lot of work left to do. How many of you would want your daughter, sister, or girlfriend spoken to like this? How many deserve to die for rejecting someone they don’t desire?

If someone had slapped Elliot Rodgers with a dose of reality, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Having money doesn’t entitle you to a woman. Being male doesn’t entitle you to a woman. Nothing entitles you to another human being. The more men learn this, the better our world will be.

Dos and Don’ts of Unemployed Friends

I have one friend who is looking into buying a house, an old college friend who just bought a house, another who is about to get a new place with her boyfriend, and I helped a friend move into a new place with roommates recently. While I’m excited for all my friends, it’s really hard since my life has completely stalled.

I had no interviews, form letters, or short term temp gigs last week. My spidey sense tells me this week isn’t going to be much better. None of my friends are going through this so it’s even harder because if you can’t see it, it’s not real.

Lacking a steady paycheck for 6 months has taught me that a lot of people want to help but don’t know how. This list is mostly don’ts because the dos aren’t that complicated.

DON’T say ‘I told you so’ about anything. Ever.

We remind ourselves daily that we picked the wrong internship/college major/job. You piling on is a recipe for resentment.

DON’T talk about how a negative attitude begets negative results.

I can name 2 times I thought I nailed the interview and had the job. I’m still listening to radio silence regardless of my attitude. Applying for jobs is also incredibly discouraging. We are allowed a little negativity especially when our gainfully employed friends say condescending platitudes about our attitudes.

DON’T send us jobs we don’t want.

I’m willing to look at any job anyone sends me but there are some jobs I know I don’t want. You know us so you know we’ll hate nights and weekends/cold calling customers/selling people crap we wouldn’t buy/we’re not qualified for. I majored in English, don’t send me jobs that require a few years of working in finance. If you wouldn’t do it or accept the salary, don’t send it to us.

DON’T try to compare your own experience if you haven’t been there.

If you’ve got a career, don’t talk to someone your own age about how you know what it’s like. If you’re not there now, weren’t there recently, or were but for ~2 weeks, you don’t get it. By all means, say other things to make us feel better but if you haven’t been where we are, you don’t get it. Saying you get it is about as condescending as commenting on our attitude.

DON’T rant endlessly about how stressful your job is.

You can talk about work. We recognize you have a life and right to complain. All jobs will be stressful at times and friends listen. Friends don’t spend 10 solid minutes on how stressful work is to the unemployed person. You know what’s more stressful? Not knowing where or when your next paycheck is coming from and knowing you’ve got bills to pay.

DO recommend job boards. 

There’s a good chance you’ve heard of something we haven’t. I found out about a new one last week. This is general, helpful, and proactive.

DO send us jobs we’d realistically like.

Send me things that play to my skill set or fit with what I’ve said I want to do. You know our background, you know our abilities so you have a better idea than some what we can do.

DO refer us for jobs or to friends.

You want to help? Put your money where your mouth is. We need all the help we can get and knowing people is always better than applying cold.

DO respect our desire not to talk about it.

Finding a job is stressful, frustrating, and all around miserable. It sucks. There is no circumstance in which it does not suck. Sometimes we don’t want to talk  or think about it. If we’re out and I say I don’t want to talk about it, I want to forget about it and enjoy this time not sitting at home willing the phone to ring.

Music: From the Inside by Linkin Park

Bad Feminist Buzz

I normally really enjoy BuzzFeed articles but today I’m both disappointed and ashamed. Everyone enjoys those silly quizzes or random lists. Everyone loves a good gif but I’m not sure how much more time I want to spend on their website after they debuted the Are You a Bad Feminist quiz.

There’s nothing wrong with wearing make-up, reading magazines, or liking Beyonce. Beyonce is a strong woman and has done a better job than most pop stars *cough*Kelly Clarkson’s a hypocrite*cough* at admitting she is a feminist. There is no shortage of ways to be a feminist and other feminists don’t have to like or agree about all the minutae.

If you’re wearing make-up and reading magazines and emulating the Kardashians, you need to look at why. What’s your motivation? Is it because you want other people to find you pretty? Is it because you like your overall look better when you highlight your cheekbones and tweeze your eye brows? Is this because you genuinely want to or because you think you’re supposed to?

I gave up on Marie Claire when someone said Mike and Molly wasn’t worth watching because ‘fat people making out is gross.’ There’s also an insane amount of advertising in all women’s and fashion magazines. Look at the images. What are the ads showing you? (Other than a woman with no pores. Seriously, try to find one.)

Even if you don’t want to follow Everyday Sexism on Twitter, you should still read it. Not Buying It is a great app to promote media literacy. You don’t have to make these the center of your social media but you shouldn’t be ignorant of what they’re saying. Ignorance is a powerful tool in manipulation and never serves the ignorant. (I’m looking at you Lily the-hard-part-is-over Allen).

I believe in 2 definitions of feminism. The traditional both genders are entitled to the same rights and opportunities and Caitlin Moran’s definition. Check your pants. Is there a vagina? Would you like to be in charge of it? Congrats, you’re a feminist. That’s it. You can crank Single Ladies, wear fancy nail art, vote for Hillary, and still be a feminist.

A bad feminist is one who excludes and openly judges. A bad feminist perpetuates negative stereotypes while talking about the ‘power of women.’ A bad and ignorant feminist thinks the only kind are radical academics and not every day women. 

Are you a bad feminist BuzzFeed? Yes, yes you are.

Music: Suffragette by Nina Gordon 

Update: I think they felt some backlash because this quiz was up the next day.

Pro-Choice for Life

I post something on Twitter that was pro-choice. It was a picture that said “Being pro-choice doesn’t meant your pro-abortion. It means you think the choice is yours, not the government’s.”

Before the end of the day I’d been called a murderer and a dumbass by two different men.

I respect a man’s right to have an opinion on this issue. My complaint comes from men who think they have the right to act like an authority on this issue. Any man who gets worked up about this and gets in women’s faces needs to shut the fuck up right now.

This is an issue no man can ever hope to understand, especially ones who don’t try. Pregnancy lasts for 9 months. Think about the last thing you did that took 75% of a year. Imagine not being in total control of your body for that entire time. Pregnant women have to watch what they eat, drink, and do that entire time. 

Your body is constantly changing and expanding. You have to keep buying new clothes you’ll never wear otherwise to accommodate your changing shape. And those bits about ‘getting your body’ back? A lot of women say their bodies are never the same after their first baby. 

Lest we forget all those doctor’s visits that require time off work and maternity coverage on your health insurance. An alarming number of health insurance plans don’t include maternity coverage on women’s health care plans. Mine didn’t even give me the option to add it. If you’re pregnant before you try and add that coverage, a lot of health insurance companies will deny you and make you pay for everything out of pocket.

Of the women who have abortions, a surprising percentage are mothers. Someone women have had all the kids they can afford but still like the idea of sex with their husband. Caitlin Moran actually talks about having one because she had two children and that was all she could handle raising. 

Remember all those cases where pharmacists can refuse to fill birth control because it goes against their religious beliefs with no regard to the beliefs of the woman with the prescription? What’s worse? Forcing a woman into a place where she needs an abortion or not letting pregnancy happen at all. Birth control pills tend to be cheaper than an abortion.

Outlawing abortion will do absolutely nothing but have women purposefully falling down stairs or being sterilized or bleeding to death in back alleys. Keeping it legal keeps women safe and healthy. Let me repeat that, outlawing it won't stop it. It didn't before and won't in the future.

I can conceive of no scenario that a man can relate to based on the criteria above let alone one that ends in a lifetime commitment. I have no respect for men who say ugly, hateful things on the internet to women about things they have never tried to understand. I think if anyone could make these men empathize, it would change their world. All they have done is made me think less of male pro-lifers as a whole. 

I still don’t think ending a pregnancy before it’s viable is murder and I never will. Abortion goes against nothing in my spiritual code or my relationship with God (as I understand it). I will always view this as a ‘my life, my body, my future, my problem, my choice’ issue. Until it personally affects the people who scream hateful things on the internet or outside of clinics, I’m not particularly interested in what they have to say.

Disposable People

My morning has been un-freaking-believable. I get a call from a staffing agency yesterday about how they have a one day and am I interested? Definitely. I get all my things ready to go downtown tomorrow morning.

I woke up at 3:30 and didn’t fall back asleep until I had less than an hour before my alarm so I was off to a great start. I drove my car to metro since a full day at work would have me going straight into my evening plans. I get downtown 15 minutes early. I sat in the lobby for 30 minutes waiting to either be collected or told I could go upstairs.

Normally they collect their temps right away or send them up so this was unusual. Near the 45 minute mark I finally get sent upstairs. I find the office and about 3 seconds after I get there someone comes in and starts talking to the woman who informs me “I need a minute.” You’ve kept me waiting for 45, what’s another one. I wait in the hall until I’m beckoned and introduce myself. She has no idea who I am.

She didn’t check her email after noon the day before (or that morning apparently) and it takes a second for her to figure out why I’m there. Once she does, she tells me that it’s supposed to be the last day for all the temps and they probably won’t need me.

So I had to wait around for 45 minutes and schlepped downtown for nothing all because you can’t check your email? I’m pissed because I came all the way downtown and changed metro lines during rush hour and I’m not even going to get paid. It was the first the staffing agency heard of that need being over.

My options are pay the $5 to free my car from metro or figure out what to do in DC for 8 hours with leftovers in my backpack. I attempted to kill time but finally just admitted defeat and came home in time to watch the US lost to stupid Canada. 

I'm really fucking tired of being treated like I'm disposable. My last full time job made sure we knew we were replaceable. My 'indefinite' temp assignment didn't even terminate my position themselves. The client today couldn't be bothered to check their email or deal with me for the better part of an hour. I'm trying to stay positive but's it's really hard when I keep being treated like I'm someone employers just throwaway. Today ranks pretty damn high on the suck-o-meter.

The Walking Lack of Science

The Boy is watching The Walking Dead. I have one really good question: Why are walkers still a problem?

I’ve seen season 1 of the show. No more. I know the show takes place over several months, possibly even a few years. Based on my limited knowledge of death and decay, walkers shouldn’t be too big of a problem.

The majority of humanity perished early during the zombie apocalypse. Most of the dead became walkers but walkers are just a functioning brain stem and decaying flesh. I recall no mention of any tissue lasting longer. Flesh decays beyond usability at a good rate. In a hot, humid southern climate, all corpses would be rendered immobile by decay inside of a week. They’d also be very bloated eventually bursting and rendering them pretty damn dead.

Even in colder northern climates desiccation would remove the usability of the soft bits that hold joints like knees and elbows together. They’d become brittle mummies. the first time any temperatures fell below freezing they'd become brittle and possibly snap.

Hole up for long enough and most walkers should be rolling torsos that can either be stepped over or easily handled. I understand the newly dead can turn but that would only render walkers a sporadic problem worthy of sturdy fencing and barbed wire.  

I understand that the virus mutated to take live victims but if that worked on everyone the show would end pretty quickly so there must be a limited immunity rate. This increases the walker problem but those trends can be spotting in people you know. The infected can be quarantined and summarily executed upon conversion.

As for roving walkers, your base of operations can add a few rows of barbed wire and beef up the fence. Maybe add a few strands of bells or something else noisy. And take out the stairs in any stronghold. (Any building during a zombie problem requires a second story and a ladder. Walkers might be able to pull off stairs but ladders would probably require too much dexterity and brain power.)

I know the show hangs on the premise of interpersonal politics and characters who feel the need to destroy what’s left of their fellow man but walkers are supposed to be a constant problem. I think some of the interpersonal troubles would calm down if walkers actually followed some basic biology.

Music: Paradise feat. Tarja by Within Temptation