Stay Safe, or Not

Seriously. Cops don’t have better shit to do? I’m pretty sure there are citizens still getting mugged, murder, robbed, and a variety of other crimes greater than a hooker protecting herself.

It only gets worse if it was someone out for the night in the wrong outfit. What was the defense? ‘We can’t have you banging someone safely while looking like a hussy now can we?’

Legalize and regulate prostitution, tax it like crazy, end debt crisis. It sound like a Cards Against Humanity hand but not my worst idea.

Adventures at the Dog Park

I recently took Thing 1 and Thing 2 to the dog park. The small dog pen is about the ¼ the size of our yard at home so I usually put them in with the big dogs to blow off some steam. It’s also good for them to remember they’re not the biggest dogs around.

While I was standing around with the other dog owners Little Miss Priss decided that, as the smallest dog, hanging around with mommy was a good idea. Her brother came by to chill in between running around like a nut. A young Doberman found my little girl interesting but she’d had enough.

She gave a ruff/snap to tell the other dog to back off and my little boy, the ultimate pushover, got right in the Doberman’s face and got him to step off. I was both surprised and amused.

I understand the mentality of “That’s my pack member!” but with these two it reads more like “Nobody picks on my sister but me!” Either way it was adorable. I have a little more respect for my chubby boy.

Current Music: Sellout (Lost Album Version) by Voltaire and The Oddz 

Speak of the Devil

Devil was an M. Night Shyamalan movie that got mediocre reviews and didn’t do too well at the box office. The premise is that a suicide at an office building left an opening for the devil to come after five people a little bit early. They’re trapped in an elevator and are slowly being tormented and killed. A cop who lost his family has to try and figure out what’s happening and to try and stop it.

I saw it on HBO Go. Despite what everyone else said, I quite like it. It’s plot driven and has some very intense moments. It doesn’t have the best pacing but I love the concept. Everyone has a different version of what hell is like. In Scandanavian, hell is a frozen wasteland. In No Exit, hell is other people. With so many different version of hell, there’s always a different version of who runs it.

When I first watched it, I got absorbed into it. This time I noticed a couple of things directors throw into movies for those of us nerdy enough to notice it. The building was 333. It was elevator 6 and two of the floors, 39 and 42, add up to 6. If 3 plays a prominent role, the car got stuck on 21 which adds up to 3. I saw the elevator display flashing but I couldn’t quite make it out. I think it said ‘devil.’

The Flyers appear twice but I think that’s more to establish location. The guards were watching a Flyers versus Bruins game and there was a Flyers jersey in the office where the guy jumped. As a Caps fan, I am amused by the Flyers association with the devil in this movie. The song ‘Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree’ remains a mystery to me. I’m guessing it’s the contrast of the perky up-beat song and the darkness of the situation.

The Devil’s Meeting is an interesting concept but it looks entirely dreamed up for the movie. I Googled it and didn’t see a reference to it anywhere else. If it’s called something else, I’d like to know.

Current Music: Get the Devil Out of Me by Delain

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

When you get past a certain age, you no longer expect fanfare or a parade on your birthday. You do, however, expect not to regret getting out of bed. On my birthday that was my first mistake.

Despite all the hype, no school districts in the tri-state area being open, and the federal government being closed, I had to work a full day. Almost everybody I know got a free day off but not me. I had been banking on having that day since I had been out late at the hockey game, was really overtired, and needed the sleep. Despite my shortage in leave, I really should have taken the day.

Between the weather and a big out of state conference, most people were out of the office or tele-working. Since so many people were out, most of the managers treated their staff to lunch. I’m more of a floater which means I do work for multiple departments. Despite that, 90% of my work is for one department. That manager took that department, save me, out to lunch where they dragged their feet for an extra half hour.

So I can process your paperwork, file paperwork for half of your people, clean up administrative nightmares your people make, do the boring bitch work nobody else wants to touch, and attend most of the meetings but you get to forget me on my birthday? Can’t imagine my lack of motivation to be super-employee.

I know my job isn’t big on employee morale. Two and a half years ago they canceled monthly birthday celebrations and casual Fridays out of spite (still haven’t gotten those back BTW). This is low, even for them.

It got to a point where I asked people to stop saying it was my birthday because if it was just Wednesday, it was less awful.

I went to bar trivia which was fine. I got a few happy birthdays and a few people said they would pay for me. It’s a nice offer but it didn’t happen and I didn’t expect it to. It didn’t make the day any worse. I don’t regret going. I didn’t crash my car on the way home. That’s all I was really shooting for.

13 is a number with which I have bad juju. I considered 6 to be a good number for me. My 26^th birthday was just such a remarkable level of suck that I expect the next 12 months to be crap and 6 has been disqualified as having any sort of power.

Every year since I graduated college people have always said, “It will get better.” They have been all sorts of wrong. My professional life has completely stagnated and nothing I, or anyone else, have tried in the last 2+ years seem to make it better. Despite my best efforts, I cannot make myself care about dating again. I’m like a little kid about the dentist. Don’t want to, don’t have to, can’t make me.

Therefore, I not only expect the next 12 months to have no improvements on the current situation, I expect everything to get worse.

Some of you are saying, “That’s when everything turns around.” Y’all are full of it and need to watch less Full House. I’ve been hearing that for so long to no avail that the next person who says it gets slapped. Unlike sitcoms, real life is under no obligation to get better.

Home Sweet Own Book 8

For Old I read Dark and Storm Knights, an anthology edited by P. N. Elrod. This has been collecting dust on my shelf longer than I’d like to admit.

I enjoyed it but saying some of these stories were about knights was a stretch. A villain or damsel in distress does not a mythical hero make. It has something to do with the honor, intentions, mission, and weapon of choice (IMHO). Some fit the bill well (swords, loyalty to the client)

Thematic issues aside, my favorites were Dark Lady, A Questionable Client, Even a Rabbit Will Bite, Even Hand, and Shifting Star. One thing I liked about Even Hand was that it was a Dresden Files story but it wasn’t about Harry Dresden. I’m familiar with that world so it’s interesting to hear from another character’s point of view. I always enjoy Elrod’s Chicago vampire and he had a mystery and a damsel in distress.

I liked the world of A Questionable Client that had magic, technology, and international crime. I’m hoping this is part of larger world because I would like to pay it a visit. I just discovered the novels about Shifting Star’s world. I enjoyed these characters and their stories. The more I know, the more I want to know.

I have no complaints about the other stories but they didn’t speak to me quite as much. If you like these things, it’s definitely worth a read. Just don’t expect the ‘knights’ to be obvious.

1) Fiction 

2) Nonfiction 

3) Sci-Fi 

4) Fantasy 

5) Mystery 

6) Horror 

7) Memoir/Biography – Data, A Love Story by Amy Webb

8) Chick Lit – Me and Mr. Darcy by Alexandra Potter

9) Feminist 

10) Teen 

11) Holiday 

12) Essays – What Was I Thinking? ed. by Barbara Davilman & Liz Dubelman

13) Short Stories 

14) Library 

15) Animal 

16) Book about Books 

17) New – Pitch Perfect by Mickey Rapkin

18) Old – Dark and Stormy Knights edited by P. N. Elrod

19) Pop Science 

20) Near 

21) Far 

22) Graphic Novel – Love and Capes: Do You Want to Know a Secret? by Thomas F. Zahler

23) Reread – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

24) Wild Card 

25) Otherworldly Creature 

26) Free 

27) Noteworthy 

28) Bestseller 

29) Themed Anthology 

30) Steampunk 

31) Movie-Book 

32) Media  

33) Travel 

34) Food 

35) Classic 

36) Humor 

37) Poetry 

38) Past – Stasiland by Anna Funder

39) Future 

40) Dystopia/Post-Apocalyptic 

41) Zombie 

42) Sports

Current Music: Only You by Ellie Goulding

Book-fession

I bought more books. Again.

At Wicked Faire one of the vendors (C. J. Henderson) was selling several supernatural fiction anthologies, a big weakness of mine. I love seeing what different writers will do with the same prompt. Each story will have the same core (modernized fairy tales, cthulhu and outer space) but writers go about things so differently.

I ended up indulging in Cthulhu and the High Seas, Cthulhu Noir and Mermaids 13. We haggled a little and he added Brooklyn Knight because he thought I’d really like it. William Shatner (yes, that William Shatner, I asked) liked it so why not?

I’m working on another paranormal anthology for Old for the ongoing challenge when I discovered a story including some of the same characters I’ve read before in another anthology. It was about the zodiac and Shadows and Light. My complaint was that despite the depth of the characters, magic, and mythos, there didn’t seem to be a series to go with it. I was wrong.

I bought The Scent of Shadows by Vicki Petterson which is the first book in the series from Kindle for $0.99. I’m not sure when I’ll get to it but I’m excited to actually read more than some shorts.

Other Kindle lapses were Lamb by Christopher Moore and Reading Lips: A Memoir of Kisses by Claudia Sternbach. Both were under $3. I’d had Reading Lips sitting on my wishlist for a while and happened to go on Amazon and see it was seriously cheap. This is why I’ve been generally avoiding the website.

For February I added

Brooklyn Knight by C. J. Henderson

Cthulhu and the High Seas

Cthulhu Noir

Mermaids 13

Lamb by Christopher Moore

Reading Lips: A Memoir of Kisses by Claudia Sternbach

The Scent of Shadows by Vicki Petterson

I know I will have more lapses because I want to buy Voltaire’s book, the Sandman box set, the upcoming Fairest graphic novel (a Fables spin-off), and I’m waiting for two Jasper Fforde books to come out in paperback. What I’m trying to avoid is the impulse purchases you see above.

The ones at the con are semi-justifiable since he said they were hard to keep in stock. Otherwise, I’m just not great at this. I know I’ve only been on the no-new-book bandwagon for two months but I’ve really got to get better about this.

Current Music: You Found Me by The Fray

Wicked Faire

I know this is a little overdue but it’s going up now. I went to Wicked Faire in New Jersey last weekend!

The best way to describe it is that a RenFest and a Con had an interesting lovechild. I’ve heard it’s gotten tamer in recent years but it’s my first so I have nothing with which to compare it. It was split between two hotels, the Time Traveler’s Hotel and the Wicked Hotel. A shuttle ran back and forth between both.

This set-up was less than optimal because the hotel where my friend and I stayed was treated as an ‘over flow’ hotel. This meant that the entertainment was not at all comparable to the Wicked hotel. I think they folks running the show would do well to distribute the talent and panels more evenly.

The vendors are both places were great. The Bee Folk form RenFest were there so I stocked up on soap and got bamboo honey. I bought a bunch of great garb (never thought I’d look good in a drop waist), know a new corset I want order (they didn’t have my size so I wasn’t compelled to spend that much up front), and found a Jayne hat! I was serenaded when I wore it. Try that in a Nationals cap : P

The Wicked hotel also had a ball pit. That was crazy amounts of fun. The only downside is that when you’re 5 and people throw balls at you, it doesn’t hurt much. When adults do it, they give it a little more oomph.

Speaking of an abundance of balls (you try coming up with a better segway), I went to speed dating on Friday night. I told all my friends I was going for one reason. To hell with finding a date or someone to bankroll my meals that weekend. I wanted a good story. Ask and you shall receive.

I was the only girl.

It ended up being one of my shameless Rennie friends and one very sweet guy from New Jersey vying for my attention. The Rennie friend thought I had a boyfriend and was pleased to know I was fair game. When the Rennie and I went to leave, the NJ guy made one last ditch effort. He did a few magic tricks involving foam balls.

To paint you a picture, R and I are about to wander off to another event but I wait to see this guy’s show. R is behind me, has his arm around my waist while the other guy is doing the tricks in my hands. It was probably awkward if you weren’t me. If you were me, it was rather entertaining.

Voltaire

One of the big draws to the event was Voltaire. If you don’t know him, take a moment to Google him and listen to a song or two. I’ll wait.

He did a reading from his new book, due out in May, The Call of the Jersey Devil. The tag line: “Five suburban mall rats and a washed up goth singer find themselves stranded in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey where they discover two horrifying truths: The Jersey Devil is real and New Jersey (as many already suspected) is the gateway to Hell.” Every time he mentioned the singer, he would dramatically mouth, “That’s me.”

He did a great job with the inflections and voices. If there’s an audio book, I pray he does it. I would so buy that. He really gave the third of the book he read a lot of humor. I’m a sucker for being read to, especially when the reader does voices. Apparently it has it’s sad moments: “There are parts that are really sad to the point where I still cry and I fucking wrote it. What’s that say about me?” That it isn’t easy to kill your darlings.

The book actually started out as a screenplay. Everyone who read it loved it but said that it was a big blockbuster movie. Voltaire wanted to do it in the retro style of 1980s horror movie monsters where “Hell is a barn with a red light and a smoke machine.” He did the book to help generate interest in the screenplay.

Apparently the transition from screenplay to book is not the easiest in the world. To paraphrase, a screenplay will say ‘scene opens, night in Pine Barrens’ where  as a book has to paint the vivid picture film serves up on a platter.

During the reading he asked the time and it was 2:56, he had such a reaction that he promised the story after. When Voltaire was a kid, he wanted to do the stop motion animation but he couldn’t get the materials. Then he had this dream where he came upon a shop full of glass display cases of these stop motion creatures. He saw his favorite, a Cyclops from Sinbad (I think) and looked up to see the price on the bottom. It just said 256. No symbols, just those three numbers.

He wakes up, ends up telling the story to his sister’s New Jersey Italian boyfriend. The BF recommends they play the lottery and realize the numbers have already been drawn. Voltaire calls to see what the winning numbers are. They are 2, 5, and 6. He tells the sister’s BF who responds, “Don’t bust my balls.” Voltaire swore that he would never forget the look on that guys face when they called back.

Other fun quotes from the event included, “It’s like Justin Bieber saying, “This song doesn’t suck. Let me help you with that.” Poor Justin Bieber. Everyone needs to stop hating on Justin Bieber, myself included.” Like that will ever happen.

I also attended his concert. It was really fun. This Way to Egress was his back-up band. He of course did a bunch of his dirtier stuff like ‘The Trouble with Tribbles,’ ‘Zombie Prostitute’ and ‘Dirtiest Song that Ain’t.’ The last one required some fun call backs from the audience.

Of course he also did some of the less offensive stuff like ‘Mechanical Girl’ and ‘Death Death(Devil, Devil, Evil, Evil Song).’ What makes it funny is that it’s not nearly as bad as it sounds. He also did a song from his upcoming album ‘Raised By Bats.’ It ties into Call of the Jersey Devil. The washed up goth singer fronted the band Raised By Bats. I’m looking forward to it.

He closed with my favorite, ‘The USS Making Shit Up As We Wish.’ He makes fun of every incarnation of Star Trek. The man did his homework for that one. He’d been drinking so much throughout the course of the day that he forgot the bonus verse for the latest movie. Someone had to get on stage with a phone. It was hilarious.

The next day I got to meet him. I was at the Wicked hotel to check out the ball pit and I saw him talking to a woman. I stood off the side and he was nice enough to take a picture with me. He actually took it himself.

And for those of you wondering, I was wicked enough to have a good time but not wicked enough to be embarrassed about it later. If you want me to take my clothes off, you have to earn it. What I’ll do with them on…well, that’s another story.

Current Music: When You’re Evil by Voltaire