The Year Is Almost Over. Thank Cthulhu

Everyone remembers the hoopla about December 21, 2012. At my New Year’s party I declared that since many people did not expect 2013 to happen it was obligated to be awesome. It has left something to be desired.

My social life and love life get two big thumbs up. The Boy is the longest functional relationship I’ve had. I’ve added a large number of awesome people to my group of friends. A variety of delightful and entertaining things have been done with both groups of people.

My professional life and family life get two big middle fingers and some choice words. Most of the year was spent at a job that was not rewarding professionally, personally, or financially. I had few prospects while still employed there and we parted ways right before the holidays.

While I would never go back there it’s sucky time of year to be unemployed. Everyone is on leave or offices are closed so no one can make a decision. I’m in limbo on two different positions that sound really promising because no one is around. No news isn’t bad news but it certainly doesn’t feel like good news. For them it’s just some decision to make when they get the time; for me it’s my life.

The situation with my mother has worsened. On Christmas we made vague plans to do something on Friday morning. The entire debacle previously discussed occurred after those plans were made as well as my mother blaming me for her lacking social situation. Apparently after all drama and harsh words I was supposed to honor those plans and she spent all morning waiting around for me to honor those plans. Generally if people exchange hurtful and malicious words, especially involving blame, they don’t want to spend time together.

On her way out the door she informed me that we may never be close again. I hate it when people say something to instigate conflict then walk away. It’s cowardly and passive-aggressive. Either finish what you started or don’t start it. I called her on that and deteriorated into her informing me that our current problems are 100% my fault.

I’m willing to take partial ownership in the situation. I’m not a saint and dysfunctional dynamics don’t create themselves. But most of these problems stem from my mother not saying what she wants or how she feels. She’ll drop hints or be incredibly subtle then get upset when you do the wrong thing. If she would rather lash out than deal with problems, I’m not interested in fixing anything.

What I really want to do is move out. I had a roommate in college who was emotionally unstable and it was awful. I was always on edge. The only place I felt safe or comfortable was away from my home. I looked for excuses to be anywhere else. I can’t move out until I have income and a little more money squared away but that’s a big goal for me right now. Moving out will either improve my relationship with my mother or destroy what’s left. I’m open to either at the moment.

Music: Sorry About Your Parents by Icon for Hire