Adirondacks Part 2

Food and the rustic location were not the only reason I went to upstate New York. Most of The Boys extended family was there. By most I mean ~40 people with spouses and kids. So many babies and little children. And the most recently married couple has one coming along. The Boy brought me in at the beginning of the era of young families. I was seriously waiting for one of his cousin's to start looking at me and say "You're next."

Sunday night is pizza night where his uncle, George, makes pizza for everybody. This was my mother's first introduction to his extended family. I was nervous but everything was fine. She didn't get overwhelmed and everyone was pleasant (as per usual). I got to know one of The Boy's cousin a little better an it turns out we're into the same nerdy stuff. This came in handy when we were playing CAH toward the end of the trip. Most of his relatives were picking the nerdy cards out right and left. I think 2 or 3 other people out of ~15 got those jokes. Muggles.

The other big night is shrimp night which The Boy's mother does. She makes steamed spiced shrimp and everyone comes by and eats cheese, snacks, and shrimp. There was even a campfire so my mom and I were able to make s'mores in the fire pit.

On Monday, the last really warm day, The Boy, his 'youngest' sister (older than him by ~ a year), his nephew, and I all headed to the water park. Everyone else in the county had the same idea we did because the place was packed. They had this old fairy tale portion with different houses, sculptures and a museum of stuff throughout the park's history. The water park portion wasn't added until the late 1980's. At the petting zoo I learned that sheep gonads get just as wool as the rest of them. One sheep was walking like "Come on man. Just sheer me already."

When we finally got to the water park portion not an inner tube was to be had. We had to wait in line for a freebie and then wait in line for the slide. I thought we were going to the lazy river first so I felt a little lied to. The slide was fun for the first 95% On the last turn I was reminded that mass x acceleration = force when the inner tube flipped and I landed on my face. At this point I'm just trying to navigate toward where the oxygen in but I was still sliding. The Boy and I came out backwards and before the inner tube.

The lifeguards were not used to seeing that. They were even less used to seeing someone bleed from the head. The Boy felt really bad once he realized I was bleeding. I spent the next hour getting patched up and icing it. The plus side was that all I had to do was ask nicely and we got a free inner tube for the rest of the day. After that I hung out on the lazy river until The Boy located his sister and nephew.

Looking at it healing I think I probably should have gotten a couple of stitches. At least it's a good conversation starter since I still have a bandage on my face. The Boy was a little grumpy that his injury wasn't as widely appreciated as mine but I win since I'll probably have a facial scar. I was a little disappointed I didn't get the black eye I was promised. It would have made for a really good 'having fun on vacation' selfie.

Overall the trip was great. The Boy's family is still awesome, ice cream up there is great, and I'm probably too old for water slides. Let's do this again next year. Minus the head injury.

Adirondacks Part 1

Every year The Boy and his family take a trip up to the Adirondacks. I was worried I wouldn't be able to go since I was working but I wasn't making that much money from working. My mom said she'd drive up with me and she and I would rent our own cabin and my temp assignment had enough work for me to do and liked me enough that my gig would be waiting for me when I got back.

Because we took an hour at Cracker Barrel (the nice lady in the store kept helping us shop), our total drive time was ~11 hours. By the end my mother was driving like me. It was kind of humorous. The Boy's family owned his cabin which is a real house. Our cabin somewhat resembled those tiny houses you see cropping up. We had a small bedroom with 3 metal walls that comprised the shower, the living/eating space and bathroom, and the glorified porch I was sleeping on. It had enclosed walls but I promise there was no insulation in those walls.

The insulation was relevant since It stopped being nice by Tuesday. Friday I spent the whole day in sweatpants and a hoodie. Every night I slept in that hoodie for warmth either on a crappy pullout sofa bed from the 1970's or a size too small bed with an extra firm mattress at The Boy's parent's place. All of this was occurring 90 minutes from the bathroom break Wal-Mart mentioned in Baker's Dozen Challenge Book 12. This was considerably more rustic than I was accustomed. The keys for our cabin were right inside the unlocked door on the porch. We ain't in DC no more.

The town we were staying and and it's larger neighbor had a bunch of great shops. The Boy had a present waiting for me which was a stuffed black bear I named Picnic. I found some very cool souvenirs including a necklace made from a monarch butterfly's wing (it died of natural causes), a tie-dyed multi-fabric skirt from a hippy store, a cherry blossom glass necklace, a book called "Your Socks Are on Fire" and a much needed pair of sweatpants. The bookstore in town had little flying pigs with magnetic noses that were stuck together. It was to show they were magnets but it made me think of The Boy and I. Neither he nor I were the best bets on paper at the start. I went back into that store at the end of the week to grab something for our neighbor and found 3 pairs like that.

The neighboring town had a 'hardware store' that was more well stocked than most Wal-Marts. Upstairs was camping gear and outdoor and kitchen furniture and downstairs was a hardware store. Connected to that was fabric, candy, cookie cutters, cookie jars, mugs, plates, towels, pot holders, and other kitchen items. Connected to that was several boxed recipes and baking items. Behind the baking was clothes, toys, and puzzles. Next to that was bedroom furniture including mattresses, pillows, futons, bedframes, dressers, and decorative fans. Behind the clothes and puzzles was the book section separated into a general book section with classics, fiction, various genre fiction, and several young reader sections. Behind that was all local books including guides, maps, histories, and regionally based novels. Back to the front and beside the baking stuff was the yarn and sewing section. Did you get all that?

In town there were only 2 places to eat. A breakfast and sandwich place that closed at 3 and a sports bar/video store (with DVDs and actual VHS tapes) that opened in the afternoon. There was a bakery with bagels the size of your face for only a couple of dollars and epic doughnuts. My favorite place in town was the ice cream stand. 

We went there almost every day. The Boy loved the soft serve, my mom was a sucker for a hard vanilla ice cream with M&Ms and fudge fish, and I loved me some gelato. Forest Berry FTW. The Boy's family and mine went to the fancy Italian place in the next town over one night. I had to figure out what 'mountain nice' meant. Casual Friday in the city as it turns out.

Shopping and eating were a large part of this trip.

Every Happy Family...

…can bite me.

I thought since the holidays were over things might pick up in the areas of my life that have been lacking. Job-wise it has improved but not in the way I’d hoped. I have a one day a week assignment from now until March and they asked for me by name. I’m up for 10-15 hours a week as an editorial assistant for 6 months. 

That former just brought a temp on permanently so it’s not out of the question. The once a week place worked with my before the holidays and said they’d recommend me to anyone. I had a phone interview for a temp-to-perm last week but they haven’t heard anything back yet.

The temporary positions are good but not great. I really wanted something full-time so that I could move to a dwelling that isn’t rampant with emotional land mines.

The Boy and I were around the families this weekend because he had a family thing and I was invited. I knew this would set my mother off but I wasn’t sure by how much. Sunday morning was the first time she ever admitted that she disliked how much time I was spending with The Boy’s family and how little was spent with her.

It was the closest we’ve come to progress since this misery started. I’ll admit to avoiding one invitation to do something. Since I ruined Christmas and am the reason we’re having these problems, my lack of enthusiasm is merited. Rather than a opportunity for improvement, I said one wrong thing and things escalated quickly.

Sunday we had dinner with The Boy’s family and I let that slip. My mom thought we went back to his place. I told her we didn’t have plans for dinner because when she asked, we didn’t. That information had things go from pleasant to Christmas all over again.

My mother is deeply hurt by my insensitivity. She is incredibly ashamed and disappointed to have me as her daughter. “I hate who you have become” because of The Boy. “You have made this house so miserable I look for excuses not to be home.”

That last one made me jump in with “Well, now you know how I feel.” I told her I never know what I’ll be coming home to and I don’t know what I’ll say that will set her off. I regret not lying about what we did for dinner. Even if I left The Boy, it wouldn’t fix anything because she’d hate whoever else came next just as much. She never asks for what she wants; I’m just supposed to know. 

My mother corrected me that she asks but I don’t listen. Sunday you want to spend more time with me and The Boy. Monday I’m the most despicable person alive and you want me out of your life. 

At some point I threw in that psychologists exist to deal with this crap. “Do you honestly thing that will make a difference?” It beats the hell out of what we’re doing right now. More hurtful and destructive words were exchanged and I was informed of something I already knew: I shouldn’t live here anymore.

I want to run screaming from this house. I hate living with her like this but I have no job, no income, no way out. I can spend some time with The Boy but it’s a stop-gap measure. I need a job if I’m ever going to afford to get out of here. 

The Year Is Almost Over. Thank Cthulhu

Everyone remembers the hoopla about December 21, 2012. At my New Year’s party I declared that since many people did not expect 2013 to happen it was obligated to be awesome. It has left something to be desired.

My social life and love life get two big thumbs up. The Boy is the longest functional relationship I’ve had. I’ve added a large number of awesome people to my group of friends. A variety of delightful and entertaining things have been done with both groups of people.

My professional life and family life get two big middle fingers and some choice words. Most of the year was spent at a job that was not rewarding professionally, personally, or financially. I had few prospects while still employed there and we parted ways right before the holidays.

While I would never go back there it’s sucky time of year to be unemployed. Everyone is on leave or offices are closed so no one can make a decision. I’m in limbo on two different positions that sound really promising because no one is around. No news isn’t bad news but it certainly doesn’t feel like good news. For them it’s just some decision to make when they get the time; for me it’s my life.

The situation with my mother has worsened. On Christmas we made vague plans to do something on Friday morning. The entire debacle previously discussed occurred after those plans were made as well as my mother blaming me for her lacking social situation. Apparently after all drama and harsh words I was supposed to honor those plans and she spent all morning waiting around for me to honor those plans. Generally if people exchange hurtful and malicious words, especially involving blame, they don’t want to spend time together.

On her way out the door she informed me that we may never be close again. I hate it when people say something to instigate conflict then walk away. It’s cowardly and passive-aggressive. Either finish what you started or don’t start it. I called her on that and deteriorated into her informing me that our current problems are 100% my fault.

I’m willing to take partial ownership in the situation. I’m not a saint and dysfunctional dynamics don’t create themselves. But most of these problems stem from my mother not saying what she wants or how she feels. She’ll drop hints or be incredibly subtle then get upset when you do the wrong thing. If she would rather lash out than deal with problems, I’m not interested in fixing anything.

What I really want to do is move out. I had a roommate in college who was emotionally unstable and it was awful. I was always on edge. The only place I felt safe or comfortable was away from my home. I looked for excuses to be anywhere else. I can’t move out until I have income and a little more money squared away but that’s a big goal for me right now. Moving out will either improve my relationship with my mother or destroy what’s left. I’m open to either at the moment.

Music: Sorry About Your Parents by Icon for Hire

'Happy' Thanksgiving

I have been remiss. Many of you have heard that Thanksgiving was spent with The Boy’s family. Since it’s just me and my mom we usually have a small shindig. The Boy’s Thanksgiving was a record high: him, his parent’s, his dad’s brother, his sister, 2 of her friends, his aunt + spouse, followed by me and my mom.

It went rather smoothly during the event. It was a combo of adults over 40 and twentysomethings. There was 9 kinds of cheese, oyster appetizers, a full dinner, and 4 kinds of pie (we supplied the mixed berry). TV was mostly football until the twentysomethings opted for Lady Gaga and the Muppets during dessert. We discussed how different Lady Gaga looked and the lack of Muppets.

I thought things went very well...until I got home. My mother has no desire to really expand her social circle so this was very stressful for her. Dinner lasted a couple of hours longer than expected. She had nothing negative to say about anyone there. She loved how well mannered The Boy was and thought his mother was sweet and gracious. Despite that, it was “the worst Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.”

I could tell she wasn’t looking forward to it which prevented me from looking forward to it. I gave her multiple opportunities to get out of it but she said she’d go. I don’t know why she was anxious or had such a miserable time. She doesn't understand why either and has no major interest in finding out. 

I think she’ll be skipping Christmas. I kind of hope she'll be skipping Christmas so I can just have dessert there and not come home to drama.

Funemployed

‘Funemployed’ was a term a friend of mine used last summer when she was between jobs. I thought it was a touch silly then and worrying about my car payment didn’t make it immediately grow on me.

However since I’ve been out of work I’ve watched most of season 4 of Torchwood and caught up on some reading. The dogs are enjoying having me home more. On Friday I had lunch with an old friend I hadn’t seen in too long. Next week will involve raking the yard, starting to go through old Christmas decorations, and other bits of straightening up.

The Boy’s family does an early Thanksgiving with his out-of-town sisters. My mom had a Groupon for a hibachi place so our weekend has been spent getting fed and raking leaves with family. Can’t get much cheaper than that.

We raked an insane amount of leaves and only stopped when we ran out of bags and daylight. His one cousin started a fire to burn bigger sticks. I kept saying I wanted to roast a marshmallow. His mom went inside and found the lone giant marshmallow so I roasted it on a stick. There are pictures somewhere. It was nice.

I had 2 interviews less than a week after I lost my job so I’m hoping that I won’t be out of work for too long. I’m going to try and keep myself occupied enough in the meantime that it’s productive time. On that note, I’m going to straiten up the coffee table, put away laundry, walk the dogs, and making the most out of being ‘funemployed.’

Music: Fade Away by Automatic Loveletter

Wedding Weekend

One of The Boy’s cousins got married last Friday. In was in upstate New York where most of his family is based. His mom has 10 siblings, 8 of whom have children. Most of those families are not only children families and many of those children are on to having kids of their own. As an only child who isn’t close to her extended family, that was a lot of people.

We crashed with his Uncle Joel and Aunt Monica. Their daughters Kim and Callie, around my age, still lived at home. They were incredibly kind and showed love as many families do, with food. Monica and Kim had very big personalities and enjoyed the company. The Boy’s sister older Bonnie and her son Marvin were staying with other relatives. His parents and other sister were staying at a nearby hotel.

The happy couple was Elle who was marrying Craig. Her parents were Aunt Anna, Uncle Marc, and Anna’ second husband whose name escapes me. Elle’s matron of honor was her sister Nina whose husband Dan was a groomsman. Dina was also a bridesmaid and her sisters, Vera and Sandy (plus her husband) were there. Randall played guitar, Bruce was a character, Cam was lovely, and Tony was there with his wife Kourtney and they are expecting a baby boy in a couple of months. Aunt Nora, Uncle Sam, Aunt Linda, Uncle Gordon, Aunt Beatrice were all very welcoming. Connor, Farrah, and Maya are all the youngest of the bunch not having hit high school yet.

If that sounds complicated factor in that I’m trying to remember enough real names to make up passable pseudonyms. All the real names are so damn normal it was hard to keep straight. There was even overlap between a blood uncle and one who married in. I was really hoping for a Gertrude or a Hamish.

I met most of them at the wedding which made it even more complicated to keep it all straight. I knew a few going in but Aunt Nina enjoyed hearing The Boy give me a who’s who before there ceremony started. Almost all the relatives knew me from Facebook since I regularly post pictures of our antics. I think the relatives who didn’t recognize me from FB were fewer than 5.

The ceremony included rings and hand fasting which is an ancient pagan tradition I love. The officiant was a woman which was also neat. The bouquet toss was rigged but I’m fine with that. A cousin I don’t think I met just got engaged and Callie will be moving in with her boyfriend in January so The Boy and I aren’t on the radar yet.

I wish I’d spent more than 5 minutes talking to Elle and Craig; I’m sure I would have liked them. They cut the cake with his grandfather’s military dress sword and Craig said “This is not the red wedding. You are all safe.” I looked at The Boy and said I’d marry him for his family.

I showed up with The Boy and I basically got a whole new set of relatives. Everyone was happy I was making The Boy happy and just seemed to glad to have me.

Saturday was lunch at a German deli with Gordon, Beatrice, their young daughter Maya, Bonnie, her son Marvin, The Boys folks, and his sister who lives near us. Then we went back to The Boy’s parent’s suite to watch Aliens with immediate family. Before heading over to Gordon’s for dinner we wandered around a sort-of mall with crafty shops. Dinner at Gordon’s had the same crowd from earlier plus Aunt Linda, Farrah, and Aunt Nina to the mix. Gordon and Beatrice had meatballs, homemade gnocchi, eggplant lasagna and salad. I have learned socializing with this family requires at least 4 kinds of cheese at any event.

It took until Saturday night for me to get overwhelmed. At Gordon’s I was texting a friend and went into the TV room. I heard people notice I was gone and I texted The Boy I was hiding. I love his family but I needed a break. The 10 minute respite was enough to get me through dinner and dessert, both of which were delicious.

There was a briefly awkward moment when I thought his uncle would get into a political discussion. I finished breakfast quickly and discovered being a voting and registered independent is OK. Driving there and back with The Boy forced me to do something I had never done before. Let someone else drive my car.

The Boy did just fine and since we’re not too different in height, moved my mirrors minimally (say that 5 times fast). Traffic was never bad and the drive was good. Not once did The Boy or I have to fight the urge to kill each other. Our relationship is good and we have many plans for November. Plans for this week largely center on resting and doing very little.

Music: Now by SHeDAISY

Guess Who’s Coming to the Wedding?

That’d be me.

Despite being in the latter half of my twenties, I’ve only been to one wedding. This weekend I will be +1 at a wedding including most of The Boy’s extended family. His mother has 10 siblings. The Boy has around 20 cousins most of whom are already paired off and beginning families of their own. The Boy and his sister are some of the last hold outs.

Thursday The Boy and I will make the 8 hour drive to his aunt and uncle’s house where we are guests. Friday is the celebration, Saturday is up in the air, and Sunday is the 8 hour drive back. I think this falls under the heading of ‘test of the relationship.’

Despite the ample room for anxiety and freaking out, this is a good scenario to meet all the extended family. While I’m sure they’re curious to meet me, I’m not the reason they’re there. They are celebrating another family member tying the knot, jumping the broom, getting a ball(s) and chain, and I’m out of wedding clichés for now.

The ceremony and reception are in the same room at an art gallery so there will be wandering while the set up changes. I expect a variety of relatives coming over to talk to The Boy in waves and I’ll stand there politely until introduced. I can work a room so I’m not that worried about meeting his family. I’m worried about the road trip.

16 round trip hours of nonstop togetherness. We’re used to our own space and I don’t do well on long car trips. I can only handle 3-4 hours of driving in good traffic. If it’s stop and go, I become like an enraged and caged jungle cat. I also can’t handle 8 hours of driving which means for the first time in the history of ever, someone else will have to drive my car. Normally I sleep on road trips but I don’t see that happening here.

I’m trying to cut this off the boredom by having 2 really cool audiobooks on my iPod, a kickass playlist, a book of Would You Rather questions, and jewelry making supplies for when he’s driving. If I’m distracted, that’s for the better.

Music: Tie It Up by Kelly Clarkson

Visit Your Elders

So I did something with The Boy recently that I didn’t think I’d ever do with a boyfriend. I introduced him to my grandfather.

My grandfather used to be an intimidating man over 6 feet tall weighing in at the amount Howard Taft did when he got stuck in that bathtub. In the last four or five years, his mental health has taken a bad turn.

He’s had more good days recently and still remembers who my mother and I are but will forget what state he’s in or what month it is. He also has moments where dreams and reality blur and he’s asked my mother to verify what is real. I had dinner with them recently for his birthday. Despite the cake and presents, we had to tell him at least five times in 90 minutes that it was his birthday and he’d just turned 80.

He’s also lost the use of his legs partly from a degenerative muscle condition and partly from lack of use. With the size he is, my mom and I can’t move him from his bed to his wheelchair. It’s been really hard. At its worst, I thought I would never want to drag someone else into this.

At the aforementioned birthday celebration, we told my grandfather about The Boy. He asked to meet him and promised to behave himself. My granddad even remembered when my mom went by a week later. He asked if I had a boyfriend or if he dreamed that.

The Boy said he’d be willing to do meet my granddad so we swung by for a quick visit while we were in the neighborhood. It went well, My grandfather was having a good day and they talked a little bit. My granddad made us promise this wouldn’t be our last visit and that’d The Boy would keep an eye on me.

It was very sweet and meant more than The Boy probably realizes. He’ll read this soon and figure it out.

Music: Twisted by Carrie Underwood

Family Filled Weekend

This past weekend had me and The Boy stretched pretty thin. Friday was a happy hour with our friends, Saturday was RenFest with my mom and a friend’s birthday party, and Sunday was a lunch with his family and old family friends. Friday was lovely as long as you weren’t outside for more than 30 seconds. I was outside for more than 30 seconds. It was immensely unpleasant. Moving on.

Because Friday was so dreadful we got a later start on Saturday no getting to RenFest until almost one. My mom met us there since we had to leave straight from RenFest to acquire a friend for the party later. We were starving by the time we got there and since the food was split three ways we got to enjoy soup in a bread bowl, hush puppies, curly fries, steak on a steak, mac n’ cheese on a stick, a crepe, cheesecake on a stick, and chocolate chip cookies.

The previous day’s rain actually worked in our favor since the Fest had enough gravel and hay down to keep the place from turning to muck. It helped keep the population down so we could enjoy more stuff.

I got my mom a necklace from the pewter place she likes and got The Boy a present I will not specify here. My mom found me and as I announced I got him something he appeared in the doorway of the shop. I got myself a pin that says in tiny print “If you’re close enough to read this your face is in my bodice. When are we getting married?” I may have to wear that around during the year.

We managed to see 2 juggling acts, 1 bagpipe band, 1 comedy duo, and 1 vocal band. I got a few CDs and The Boy and I got our first matching thing. It was 2 for 1 shirts with the comedy duo that said “Make awkward sexual advances not war” on the back and had a jolly roger on the front. We got the actors to sign them and I’m hoping to twist his arm into wearing them in NY. On our way to pick up our friend we made a list of all the food we have left to get before it closes next weekend.

The party was fun but we got out late so we were a little dopey the next day. The lunch consisted of The Boy’s mother, father, and sister and the family who lived in the house behind him the father, the mother, both sons, one girlfriend, one wife, and one new baby. You could tell his mother didn’t want to give up the baby and was eager to have grandchildren. I ribbed The Boy that I may have given his mother hope.

The restaurant was German so I tried spatzle and brussel sprouts for the first time and liked them both. The Boy enjoyed drinking beer out of the leather mug he got at RenFest. It was a very chill lunch. I’m incredibly please with how readily his family has welcomed me into the fold. I get warm fuzzies and other happy feelings that would disturb grumpy cat.