PopSugar Reading Challenge Book 14 or Doing the Math

For antonyms in the title I read The Mathematics of Love by Hannah Fry. I know I’m stretch the definitions of ‘antonyms’ since the true opposite of love would be hate or indifference but I think it works. When you think about the abstract emotional nature of love, you don’t think about algebraic equations, graphs, and logic.

One of the early examples of math was Fry explaining the math behind how self-defeating excessive criteria is. Being too picky is a sure fire recipe to end up alone and Fry actually backs up this logic with numbers.

She goes on to explain the logic behind some of the algorithms of OKCupid and other dating sites. As someone who has tried online dating, it was interesting to see the logic and numbers behind what went into the process, including sending me people who weren’t a good match. One of my favorite points is that women who are considered cute overall aren’t as likely to have success as women who elicit extreme reactions of hot or not. Her example for this was Leela versus Wilma Flintstone.

I loved her examples. They were always characters we’d know or recognize like using Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Cruella, and a Dalmatian puppy as examples for wedding reception disaster seating. Fry did a good job balancing the line between explaining complex math while keeping it fun and interesting. Humans are predictable creatures even with something as unpredictable as feelings. If you want more insight into how the heart works, definitely give this short book a look.

Music: You're the One for Me by Delta Rae

Valentine’s Day, a Shopfession, and Ensuing Shenanigans

This weekend The Boy and I hit up the mall to find some accessories for a couple of cosplays we have coming up. I’m set but he needed a few things so we hit Hot Topic and Spencer’s. The problem of having fandoms and fitting into Hot Topic’s stock is the massive amount of temptation. I tried on several things but my pickiness lead me to narrow it down to only two items: a TARDIS skirt on clearance for $20 and Deadpool socks for regular price but DEADPOOL SOCKS! I’m wearing them right now. Since the whole store was buy one, get one half off, the whole thing was only ~$23.

Our plan was to hit the mall for lunch, The Boy’s cosplay essentials, run to the local comic book store (love you Third Eye) then go back to VA for dinner, dessert and Downton (we’re still on season 1). Just when we were ready to leave the mall, the movie theater was being evacuated and we had to take a roundabout way to get back to my car. I parked on the top level of a garage area in a way that had me consistently blocked in by the traffic gradually leaving the garage. We tried to wait it out but gave up when the same compensation car spent 25 minutes blocking me in.

Since our dinner plans were shot at this point, we call my mom and suggest killing a Groupon for a nearby Mexican place we all love. We wander the mall, I buy a bunch of clearance Rudolph’s for Toys for Tots next year, and The Boy and I sampled most of the new candy store in the mall. Heading back to the car we are shocked to notice flurries. The second we’re in the car they stop being flurries and start being real snow.

We make it to the restaurant without incident but once we’re all gather around free nachos we find out the Groupon isn’t good on holidays, including Valentine’s Day. There were only 3 tables with paying folks but we still couldn’t use our Groupon. As we sat there, we watched the snow pick-up and accumulate to over an inch by the time we left. The Boy wiped all the snow off my car and we (slowly) drove back to Virginia. We were full and tired and just wanted to watch Downton.

The Boy’s TV has to be on different feeds for cable or DVD. Despite the size of his apartment and our thorough searching, we could not find the TV remote. We finally figured out how to change the feed using the cable remote and watched some Downton. It was a good day all things considered but as far as Valentine’s Day planning went, we could not catch a break.

I almost wonder if the universe won’t let me quietly enjoy Valentine’s Day because I spent so many years actively hating it. I’ve lost the acrimony with time and I want to let The Boy enjoy it. Nothing went the way it was supposed to go but it wasn’t a bad day. I spent the day with the man I love at the home of consumerism which is really the point of Valentine’s Day.

The Naked Eye

Actual conversation while watching The Biggest Loser last night

The Boy: "Are those stretch marks?"

Me: "Yeah. I have them."


The Boy: "I never noticed."

Right answer! He may not buy me a lot of loot but he will say the right thing without coaching.

The Boy followed it up with "Not like that," which is true. This particular contestant looked like he had tiger stripes across his stomach. I don't know why people want to pig out when they watch the show. It makes me want to move around and exercise.

Good in Goodbye

I know someone, Bella, who was very in love with her boyfriend, Edward. They’d been almost 2 years and things were serious.

Edward’s lease was up in the spring and they had talked about moving in together. They had discussed wedding plans with both families and hoped to do it in 2014. The bridesmaids had been chosen and number of children discussed. Bella didn’t buy any plane tickets home (1,000 miles away) for Thanksgiving or Christmas because they were doing the holidays with his family (VA). She called him her Prince Charming. A lot.

Bella had a big work project that was very stressful and hectic. She'd been working on it for months. The day after it was over Edward broke up with her.

If there were problems, no one ever knew about it, possibly not even Bella. She was completely blindsided. The day before they’d been discussing Thanksgiving plans. My heart breaks for her. She not only has to grieve over a lost love but a lost future she was promised.

Despite the pain she’s in now, I have no doubt she’ll be better for it. Life has been very good to her so she hasn’t had the experiences that break us down and make us grow. I think she will learn a lot, especially about herself, and be stronger for it. When she finally gets to happy again, I have every faith she’ll meet someone who will deserve her.

Edward was never the perfect boyfriend. He dragged his feet about committing because he wanted to keep dating other people. While stringing her along, Edward neglected to mention this to Bella. He would make jokes to be edgy and shocking. It was never anything but awkward, especially for Bella. While Bella thought he was handsome, she was kind of it. Edward was definitely dating up.

I’m in a weird place because I’m not that close to Bella. I’d like to do something but I don’t know what. At the very least I’ll send her a nice note. I'm sending good juju her way.

Music: Good in Goodbye by Carrie Underwood

On the Way

I had thoughts about Kelly Clarkson’s wedding and her relationship with Blackstock, why leave this announcement off limits. I logged on to FB to post this when I saw her announcement. I should have screen captured when it said, “posted about a minute ago.”

I like that she made the announcement over FB and Twitter rather than make a huge production out of selling her story to some tabloid. There’s something fun about knowing the news before the press and realizing they don’t have any more of the story than you do. I googled news for her after I saw the story break and it was all about her losing her beloved dog Joplin. I’ve enjoyed watching the ensuing media frenzy.

From what I know of pregnancy, it usually takes a while to show itself. Most women don’t even realize they’re pregnant until 4 to 6 weeks. Even if you watch everything like a hawk, it’s difficult to be certain too early in the pregnancy.  

The wedding was on October 20th so I’m betting she was knocked up before getting married. Most celebrities don’t make public announcements such as these until almost 3 months in. There’s a reasonable margin of error so most wait until they know the pregnancy will last.

Leading up to her elopement, Clarkson was very vocal about wanting a pregnancy for Christmas. Her wedding was also pushed up and transformed into such an elopement all parents and siblings were excluded from the ceremony. 

While I believe the big wedding was scrapped for valid reasons, the cynic in me wonders if it was rushed because they suspected or knew a baby was on the way. Either way I’m happy for her. She’s stupid in love with her fiancee and loves being a stepmom. I wish them smooth sailing, lots of luck, and hope that we still get that country album she was talking about for next year.

Music: Ready to Fall by Meredith Edwards 

(Why is this cheese-tastic love song stuck in my head? Why?)

About About Time

About Time is the story of Tim who discovers the men in his family can travel back in their own timelines and do things differently. Because most of these men aren’t big players in history, their actions haven’t had any major consequences for the larger world but that doesn’t mean consequences don’t happen to them.

I love that the protagonist is awkward, bumbling, and sweet. He’s not an action star or ridiculously good looking but a normal, dorky guy. I know guys like Tim and I was definitely rooting for him. He had this amazing power and used it wisely. The message was about the time we have and enjoying our lives which is a little hackneyed but was done differently enough that I liked it.

The words I keep coming back to are quiet and sweet. Tim had an ordinary life with an extraordinary thing he used in small ways. He had a wonderful family and used his ability to get the most out of them. A typical guy might be a little bored but most women will enjoy it. I’m not a romantic and I had a good time.

Also, anyone else find it odd that this is the second ‘moving in time’ movie Rachel McAdams has done? That plot line isn’t over done yet. I smell typecasting.

Music: Unconditionally by Katy Perry

Love You Like a Love Song

Watching various friends and Facebook acquaintances pair off or upgrade their relationships, has gotten me thinking.

I knew a girl, Courtney, a couple of years ago who got a serious boyfriend. Whenever you got her or the boyfriend alone, they were cool individuals and you could get a sense of them as a person. But put them together and you couldn’t get to know either of them. They were so wrapped up in each other they stopped being individuals and became some super-couple.

I’ve watched friends fall crazy stupid in love. One friend, Carrie, did it with a guy we all barely tolerated. He wasn’t especially nice or likeable and we all knew she could have done better. She was so crazy about him we were afraid to be honest with how we felt until it was over. An old high school friend regularly gushes about how her perfect fiancee is just like Prince Charming. A lot.

Kelly Clarkson seems to have hopped on this bandwagon as well. One of the songs from her Christmas album is called subtitled Brandon’s Song and another is called 4 carats. In an award acceptance speech she talked about her wonderful fiancée and her last single is Tie It Up about them tying the knot. From the outside, she appears to be over the moon head over heels crazy stupid in love.

I lost my ability to adore the person I was with so completely you ignored major flaws after my college relationship ended. The relationship was deeply flawed but I didn’t want to see it for a long time. I forwent so many social activities for him that I didn’t have much waiting for when it all ended.

Since then I’ve had trouble understanding the women who make their relationship their center and their everything. I’m curious about women whose quest for love drives them because frankly, I don’t get it.

I’ve had more than my college relationship put a damper on my idea of happily ever after. As much as I adore The Boy, I don’t see myself ever being completely over the moon head over heels shout it from the rooftops can I get an amen crazy stupid in love. I’d like to understand that feeling and mentality better.

I know the root varies from woman to woman. Some women have marriage as a life goal to the point where the groom is a placeholder, not a complete person. Other women are desperate to be loved or hate being single and seek a relationship for validation. Some women just love with their whole selves and either lack the fear of rejection or won’t be ruled by it. Others subscribe to the soul mate theory.

I’m curious to find out about the psychology behind women in relationships and the social expectation. Where does the Prince Charming ideal come from and why are we so keen to hang on to it? How can someone be hopelessly in love while the other person is just fond of them? What is going on in the brain that lets love and obsession happen? Where is the line between love, infatuation, and obsession and how does it get crossed?

Music: Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

Eye of the Tiger

Katy Perry had an interesting interview with Billboard magazine recently and she said some things that bothered me.

I’m going to start off by saying how much I love Katy Perry. Her devotion to her fans is incredible. Her fight to be heard and maintain her creative vision makes her an admirable role model. The fact that she makes fun, enjoyable music is validated by her immense success.

I’ve never been divorced but her marriage was so brief you knew something was wrong at the start. Sometimes you’re so in love you don’t want to face the problems that could end the relationship. Admitting this love may not work is hard and it sucks. When you expect forever and it falls apart, it’s devastating.

Depression is an isolating illness so that even if you know all of that stuff logically, it doesn’t change how you feel. But wanting to end your life because the man who was in it is gone? That’s really sad.

I’ve had issues with depression and I could see my mind going there if I was going through a divorce. But I would immediately. I would never give some man who threw away my heart and feelings that sort of power over me.

Perry had the successful career she fought for years to have. She had, and still does, a team of people working for her continued success. She has a loving and supportive family.

The fact that Brand had that much power over her emotions, especially given what a douche he became post-split, makes me think of the words ‘needy’ and ‘pathetic.’ I know that makes me sound like a huge bitch but she is a role model for young girls. Yes, Perry did endure but if a divorce is the greatest trial she’ll ever face and it made her contemplate ending her life, I don’t know if I’d want her as an icon for my daughter.

My family has been through a much harder trial so I’m biased but watching someone you love die puts things like divorce and keeping up with the Jones into perspective.

Perry isn’t a feminist and wouldn’t say anything about control or male power and saying “Yeah, screw that.” I don’t think she fully realizes the potential impact of that message she’s sending. She spent part of the interview gushing about her on-again boyfriend John Mayer.

I’m glad she found love again. She deserves it. However Mayer has a past of burning through celebrity women and being a jerk about it. He seems different with Perry and, as always, I’m rooting for them. Perry may believe in the power of women but I think she believes in the power of twitterpadtion more.

Music: Suffragette by Nina Gordon

PS: One of the morning DJs on the Kane Show said Perry sounded a little needy to her as well. It’s not just me.