The F-Bomb Is Dropping

Feminist is becoming a very charged word despite a remarkable number of people trying to shut it down. TIME memorably said it should be banned. This backfired royally with a massive media backlash.

A variety of pop stars and actresses have come out against feminism in the recent past as I have said many times but some minds have finally started changing.

Beyonce perfectly displays how feminism isn't an all or nothing game. Find the space where you're comfortable that aligns with your beliefs.

Lady Gaga and Katy Perry both said the label didn't apply to them. After an education about the equality the word really represents, both have changed their tune. Neither will be marching in a rally any time soon but let's enjoy baby steps.

Taylor Swift hung out with Lena Dunham and realized that she was absolutely a feminist. She even had some interesting things to say about how she's often reduced to her relationships and inability to keep them. I loved how she played on this trope in her video for Blank Space.

Unfortunately, not all minds are so open. Despite several outcries, Kelly Clarkson still hasn't made any response to the ugly and ignorant things she said about feminism and feminists a year ago. I can't listen to her music anymore because of what she said. I lost all respect for her. It's a combination of the blatant hypocrisy and her breathtaking, willful ignorance.

Clarkson has been out of small town Texas long enough to figure out what the word means and how the independence she values epitomizes it. She's called out music execs for sexist behavior and the amount of attention paid to her weight but somehow she's not a feminist.

Maybe she doesn't want to alienate the conservative country crowd she's been courting so hard since she feel in love with Brandon Blackstock. It might explain why Carrie Underwood is still singing the same old song. Although country music seems to be changing its tune with Girl in a Country Song and Quarterback.

Please name any other group of people celebrities can openly misrepresent and bad mouth without media backlash? Who else can consistently be reduced to its extremists without anyone major complaining?

You can't touch religions although Christian extremists and hypocrites are vocal enough to make this surprising. Gamergate has created a very discernible barrier between normal gamers and misogynistic troglodytes. Mormons have come out against the polygamist minority, especially since the poly folks started getting their own shows. I can't think of any group that earns such open dismissal and derision from society.

Amy Poehler said she doesn't get why people like Shailene Woodley come out against feminism. "But then they go on to explain what they support and live by -- it’s feminism exactly. I think some big actors and musicians feel like they have to speak to their audience and that word is confusing to their audience. But I don’t get it. That’s like someone being like, "I don’t really believe in cars, but I drive one every day and I love that it gets me places and makes life so much easier and faster and I don’t know what I would do without it."

A blog I just discovered has the best response to those type of women: "You are either a feminist or you actually think you should get paid less for equal work."

Until some of these women learn what it means to get their cars taken away from them, Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, and Madonna don't need my money. Any production with Shailene Woodley, Susan Sarandon, Demi Moore, Sarah Jessica Parker, Dita Von Teese, or Gwenyth Paltrow can look somewhere else for their box office dollars.

I'm gonna go crank Taylor's new album and see what Bustle and BuzzFeed have to say today.

PS - Some of the above women say they're 'humanists.' It's a lazy cop-out to say they love equality but are scared of the f-bomb.

New Avengers

A friend of mine is posting a question on Facebook everyday for the month of November. All of them have been pretty brilliant but today's really made me think.

The world needs a team of Avengers!
Crime is rising and supervillains are concocting dastardly plans. We need some heroes - and you're the Nick Fury of the group, putting the team together. You can choose any 4 people who have ever lived to be granted superpowers related to what they were known for and become The Avengers.
You're going to want a good mix of brawn, intelligence, and innovation. And, of course, entertainment value.

It's time to assemble the team! Which 4 people do you pick?

Brawn
I had some pretty decent choices between professional athletes, buff celebrities, and fitness experts. Contenders included Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, Michael Clarke Duncan, a few famous historical fighters, and about half the NHL.

Bruce Lee. He was one of the most skilled martial artists of his time, possibly ever. He played ping pong with nun-chucks!  Lee could have taken out anybody, including guys twice his size. He's a fighter you want on your size.

Brains
The world has seen some incredibly minds like Stephen Hawking, Marie Curie, and Albert Einstein. There are also some brilliant and charismatic minds now like Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Michio Kaku.

Nikola Tesla. When Einstein was asked what it felt like to be the smartest man alive. He said you have to ask Tesla. I choose you Pikachu. 

Innovation
Coming up with brilliant inventions is no small task. Thomas Edison, Alan Turing, and Alfred Nobel will agree with that.

Leonardo Da Vinci He came up with things that are still viable in this century. Can you imagine what he could create with modern technology.

The Wild Card
The two things I noticed about my list thus far is that it's all men and it's all people who might be a little socially awkward. This team needs the voice of a woman and someone who does well with other people.

Do I go with a historical bad ass like Anne Bonny, Mata Hari, or Nellie Bly? Should I opt for a classic feminist like Gloria Steinem? What about modern funny, feminists like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler or Rebel Wilson?

After some thought and research, I think my final person will be Wanda Sykes. She'll bring a non-white male perspective, is a great performer, and understands how the average mind works. Comedy requires a lot of performance, body language, audience reading. It only looks easy if you're doing it right.

My modern Avengers is Bruce Lee, Nikola Tesla, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Wanda Sykes. I think they could save the world.

Say My Name

I have realized that I have a lot of J names in my life. Between work, socializing, and family, there's

Jaime
Jackie
Jason x3
James
Julie
Julia
Jeremiah
Jeff
Jennifer
Jenny
Josh
John
Jonathan
Jon
Joe

I have informed The Boy that I'm banning all J names for our future children. I'm having enough trouble keeping the one's we've got straight. I'm also up to 4 Meg/Meghan/Megans. I am so not giving my kids typical names.

A Pregnant Pause

What I loved the most about this article is how it talks about how women are supposed to hide their pregnancy and how isolating it is. I suspect part of this is because it’s a man’s world. We have to fit in at work because men don’t get pregnant and experience 3 months of nausea. Men don’t have changing bodies so we have to downplay what is going on with our body so they don’t get uncomfortable. The above article says that a young female police officer had to fake it in bars just to fit in with her colleagues. Why is this OK? Why is there no middle ground?

The United States is one of the few countries on the planetwith no paid maternity leave. Men in this country still scoff at the idea of paid paternity leave. I know because I’ve seen it happen more than once. People always talk about how beautiful pregnancy is. If it’s so glorious and amazing, why is considered a medical disability? Why do women risk their jobs when they go through with it?

I suspect part of it is because the reality of women’s bodies are kept alien from men. If we’re not whole people and only here for your entertainment, why do you need to understand us? Only a woman can create life, and thanks to modern technology, doesn’t need a man present to do it. How can you rob a woman of the power and beauty of creating a new human life? By making it something she has to keep hidden or be punished for. By making it shameful and expensive. By making whatever life inside her more valuable than the woman carrying it around.

Our culture place this cone of silence on pregnant women. It’s one of the most powerful things a woman can do with her body but it’s shrouded in silence for 33% of the entire experience. I think women need to be more open about their pregnancy experiences, the good, the bad, and the bizarre. In a world that is legally and culturally stacked against us, we need all the solidarity we can get. Pregnancy needs to be humanized. By humanizing it, we can help the world at large accept it and embrace it.

I maintain that when to announce your pregnancy and how open you want to be is a personal choice. Assuming the Duggars stick to the values they espouse, Jill Duggar went public when she was less than a month along. As expensive as kids are, I can’t say I blame her for the People spread. Blake Lively was so quiet about it I’m still not sure it was publicly confirmed she’s pregnant. 

I'd use more personal examples but my friends just started the wedding phase. The baby phase won't be for a while now.

Personally, I don’t think I’d wait the full 3 months. I’d probably go public closer to 8-10 weeks after sharing the good news with a few close friends. I’ll figure it out when the time comes in the not-immediate future. The more we talk about it, the more normal it will become. There’s a line between sharing and oversharing but when it comes to women's bodies, those lines are way too close. Let's see if we can pus them father apart, shall we?

The Great Purge of 2014: DVDs

Looking around I realized that I have way too much stuff. It's not just books; it's clothes, DVDs, board games, purses, and even shoes. Yes, I of the massive feet, own too many shoes. It is definitely time for another purge.

I don't know too many women who would wear my clothes well but I know a couple of people who might be able to make some things work. Purses are pretty universal among women so I'll post the ones I don't have much need for anymore. Shoes are a lost cause. Those bad boys are just going to good will. 

Board games will have all their original pieces and in good to like new condition. I take care of my things. That list is forthcoming. I may also go through books again once I get through the rest of this stuff. This time we're focusing on DVDs.

TV Shows

Charmed seasons 1-5

The Office seasons 1-6
Arrested Development Seasons 1-3
Mythbusters Collection 6

Movies

Finding Nemo
Enchanted
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
27 Dresses
Killers
The Ugly Truth
He's Just Not That Into You
In Her Shoes
The Devil Wears Prada
New Year's Eve
Valentine's Day
Kinky Boots
Pay It Forward
Inception
Ocean's Eleven
Ocean's Thirteen
I, Robot
Freakonomics
Murder on the Orient Express
Thank You for Smoking
City Slickers
Young Frankenstein
The Other Boleyn Girl
Camp
Patch Adams
A Life Less Ordinary
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Airplane
Monty Python and the Holy Grail 

(Before everyone puts on their crazy pants, I never watch it alone and most of my friends have a copy. I'll never be far from arguing whether women distributing swords is a valid form of government.)

Park It

After seeing crappy parking jobs one too many times, I printed of a little notes in Comic Sans. I have left several on windshields of people who do fantastically bad parking jobs. 

Inspired by this BuzzFeed article, I've expanded my repertoire and decided to share them with you. You can borrow or steal or personalize them however you see fit.

Standards

The go-tos, standbys, and can't-go-wrongs in calling people out on their parking ineptitude.

Who taught you how to park? Helen Keller?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy but you park like a douchebag. Stop it.

Where did you learn to park? The Stevie Wonder School of Driving?

You park like Ray Charles. He's blind and dead.

You're car isn't nice enough for 2 spots and neither are you jerkface

You park about as well as Stephen Hawking walks.

Name Game

Playing the name game in pointing out someone parked like a moron.

Is your name Katrina? Because you're parking job is a disaster.

Is your name Rush Limbaugh? Because you park like a moron.

Is your name Anthony Weiner? Because you park like a dick.

I'm assuming

Based on certain assumptions, you didn't do that bad a job.

That's quite a parking job. I'm assuming you did it blindfolded.

Excellent parking. I'm assuming you did it while a rabid raccoon tried to eat your face.

Tremendous parking job. I'm assuming you did it while a crazed ferret clawed at your genitals.

Based on your parking job and vehicle, I'm going to assume your genitalia is less than satisfactory.

The Liam Nesson

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking to park like a normal person, I can't tell you I have more space. But what I do have is a particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long time. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop parking like a douche, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will box you in.

So That Happened

Last summer I was at a cook out with some of my crazy RenFest friends. These are some of the magical quotes that happened during a relatively 'normal' conversation. You're welcome.

"Talk to my tit. My tit needs to understand!"

"I would so fuck a smurf."

"I would also fuck a snork. They have penises on their heads."
"I don't know how you'd survive with your penis on your head"
"Teletubbies do it all the time"

"They're like alien ben-wan balls"
"I am not putting that up my ass!"

"This is a religious experience. This is a chocolate temple."

"You are getting my ultra-gay Lafayette voice!"
"That show is nothing but blood and sex and no I don't mean Game of Thrones"

"I bet you have a fabulous bedazzled and rhinestoned riding crop."

"Yes, it's still rape if it's my armpit. True story."

"I dated one guy who was kind of special. I'd have my knee bent and it's like WTF is your problem?"

"Last year I was a different person. I was gay AND drunk"

Music: The 13th Hour by Midnight Syndicate (Yes, I know it's after Halloween. No, I don't care.)