Correction

Sometimes I wonder if lack of self-awareness, self-absorption, and ego has made a large portion of my generation unable to function socially. I have one particular person in mind when I say this.

This revolves around one incident yesterday but I should give you a little background to properly frame this story.

I met him back in January at a singles night for Washington Capitals fans. He inserted himself into my conversation with another guy, more or less ran him off, and then wouldn’t leave me alone for the rest of the pre-game event. Since he was a season ticket holder and a fan club member, I was polite but I made it clear that all I wanted to be was friends.

He told me about the road trip to an away game that sounded like fun. Since he knew the people planning it, he was able to get me on last minute. I figured the least I could do was sit by him for the 10 hour round trip bus ride. Upon arriving to the bus that morning, he got out his netbook and proceeded to complain every 5-10 minutes “Wi-Fi’s still not on,” until the Wi-Fi actually started working about an hour later.

He had a cold but didn’t take any medicine because he wanted to drink beer instead. While he wasn’t majorly sick, it still irked me since I’m not a big drinker. He had been on the last road trip when the driver had gotten royally lost in New York which apparently scarred him for life. Despite what he described as an almost “idiot proof” trip, he commented on the route the driver was taking every 30-45 minutes. For most of the 10 hour trip. He also insisted that we switch seats for the ride back so he could use the bright overheard LEDs to continue to use his computer even though I said it would be easier for me to sleep in my current seat.

On the ride back, my friend called me to tell me about her date. It’s late; most of the bus is sleeping. I know almost everyone can hear my conversation. That doesn’t make it OK for you to blatantly listen to everything I’m saying. You don’t know her and I didn’t invite you into my conversation. Do you see anyone else on this bus listening that hard Captain Subtle?

Later, when he was commenting yet again on the route the never-lost driver was taking, I finally asked him what time it was. “It’s 2:15.” I informed him “My give-a-damn shuts down at 1:30. We’ll get there when we get there.” He didn’t seem to get I was politely trying to telling him to shut the hell up.

Last week, my friend had an extra ticket for the Caps vs Islanders game and offered to take me. We end up one row behind and a few seats over from my memorable ‘friend.’ He had asked me more than once in February when my next game was and I always told him in March.

It is February, I’m here with another guy, and I didn’t tell you about it. It looks like a date. It sounds like a date. While it wasn’t a date, the Minister of Social Grace didn’t know that and it didn’t stop him from trying to insert himself into our conversation whenever possible. I guess his third wheeling should have taught me to never underestimate his social ineptitude.

Because of how whiney, neurotic, and clueless he is, I usually refer to him as Woody Allen without the Funny or the Woody Allen Wannabe. Yesterday, I was at a regular board gaming event in DC. He came but some of my friends kept him distracted since I’d have to deal with him prior to the hockey game (bless them). As I was talking to some of my friends in the group, I mentioned that I hadn’t been out with anyone since the guy I dated last fall. WAW corrected me.

Maybe it was my use of the phrase “been out with” that had WAW trying to correct me to include him. I informed him, in a no nonsense tone, “Those weren’t dates.” He tried to correct me again. “Well, the singles night kinda counts.” The night where I arrived with my friend, met you, couldn’t get rid you, and then left to go have dinner with her? That doesn’t count. The road trip with most of the fan club and additional people doesn’t count. The one hockey game we went to with your brother doesn’t count.

If the girl says you’ve never been out, you’ve never been out. 

Going to a place together doesn’t equal going out (AKA a date). My opinion matters more than yours on this so don’t you dare correct me on whether or not I’ve dated you. I know who I’ve dated and you are not now nor will you ever be on that list. Please explain to me how you’ve gone 30 years thinking that it’s socially acceptable to try and retroactively correct your way into dating someone

When I told him over email that it was rude, presumptuous, and erroneous to correct me and that all we’ve ever been is friends his reply was “Uummmm, OK. Sorry."

That response either means he thinks I’m out of bounds (which I’m not) or he doesn’t seem to understand what he did wrong. I’m not surprised he doesn’t get it but I wrote you the check. If you can’t buy a clue, that’s too bad. You are not my problem anymore.

Current Music: A Lack of Understanding - The Vaccines