I have a lot of friends who are nerds. Not the nerd-lite that’s trendy right now but the reason there’s the stereotype sort of nerds. Some are good in social situations but not romantic ones. One of my near and dears is astonishingly oblivious. If you watch Big Bang Theory (if you don’t you should, it’s awesome), he’s more clueless than Leonard but less clueless than Sheldon. Others are just all around bad (see an earlier post about the road trip guy).
I figured I might throw a few pieces of advice to help guide my nerd-tastic friends. My mother thinks I should start my own reality show with some of this stuff (hence the title).
1) If you don’t ask a girl out, the answer is always “No.” However, you have to actually ask a girl out. You can’t infer, shanghai, or correct a girl into dating you; ask the question. Most women won’t do this for you. Be brave for 30 seconds. It might pay off.
2) If she politely rejects you, take it in stride. She’ll probably respect you for asking but trust that she knows what’s best for her. Don’t carry a torch. Don’t try to persuade her to change her mind. Don’t keep asking after she says “No thank you.” It’s desperate and ultimately ineffectual. If she rudely rejects you, forget her and move on. She wasn’t nice anyway.
3) Note if a girl tells you any of the following phrases: “I don’t want to lead you on…” “I just want to be friends…” “I’m not attracted to you…” "I don't see you that way..." Refer to the rejection rules of #2. That is what that means. Don’t delude yourself otherwise.
4) If a girl laughs a lot at what you say, tries to include you (in activities or the conversation), finds excuses to touch you (this one is huge); she may be interested. Flirt back by finding socially acceptable ways to touch her (touch her shoulder for her attention) or compliment her and see who she reacts. If you don’t know how to flirt ask a female friend or Google for ideas but conform the ideas to you. It will be obvious if you’re just copying someone else. If she responds favorably, see #1.
5) Women like affection. I have yet to know a woman who doesn’t like affection. In public holding hands, short and sweet kisses, hugs coming and going, and an arm around the other person are usually sufficient. In private rubbing her shoulders or feet, cuddling on the couch, kissing her cheek and forehead, and hand-holding should go over very well. Plus, touching builds attraction. Just make sure you’re both comfortable with the level. If she’s too into PDA, you can tell her how you feel.
6) People, not just women, love thoughtful gestures. It can be something little like a pack of her favorite gum or a $4 Trader Joe’s bouquet but it will matter. Figure out what she likes, treat accordingly but sparsely. You want her here for you, not the presents.
7) For the more reserved of you, women are used to men who will push the physical boundaries to figure out what they can grope/get away with. If you’re not comfortable with that and want her to take the lead or go slowly, let her know.
8) Men who cook are sexy. Men who set fire to the kitchen are not.
9) Men who like our pets are very sexy. If you don’t like that particular animal (bird, ferret, cat, python), co-exist peacefully with it.
10) Men who plan dates are sexy. Men who pick a day but not an actual date are annoying. Men who text on Friday and wonder if you’re free are reasons to date a nerd. Don’t be the latter. Ever.
11) If you think she looks really pretty, share that thought! It can be in general, it can be a particular body part; doesn’t matter. Women want to hear you think we’re pretty, sexy, cute, etc.
Just don’t say it a lot on the same day. A lot at once and we’ll stop believing you. Twice in an evening is sufficient.
Also, if her ass looks good in those jeans, don’t say exactly that. Say “Those jeans are really working for you.” You are not Howard Wolowitz.
12) While I’m on it, if you think she’s smart, interesting, funny, a great squash player, magnificent with the clarinet, or has a badass roundhouse kick, say so. Just remember #12’s moderation rule.
13) Call her. Texting is a good way to relay simple information like “I’m running late” or “Caps beat Bruins.” IMing is not a perpetual substitute for real conversation. Studies show hearing your voice will also help reaffirm the connection between dates. Don't hide behind technology.
14) Tighty-whiteys might be practical but not particularly sexy. If you think you’ll be getting lucky, invest in boxer briefs (ideally not white ones). Those are the popular favorite.
15) Do stuff. Dinner and a movie are a solid default but I live near DC, Annapolis and Baltimore. There are museums, monuments, harbors, tours, plays, festivals, historical sites, parks, conventions, etc. If you have the option, utilize your location for interesting dates.
16) You will eventually be dragged shopping. If you’re interested and participating, it can only work in your favor. If you’re bored out of your mind take the purse, find the boyfriend chair, and play with your smart-phone. Some department stores even have TVs now. Complaining will not help your cause.
17) Clean your place. Run the vacuum. Remove the layer of dust from the unused gaming systems and bookshelf. Put all the dirty dishes in the sink/dishwasher. Wipe down the counters. Take out the trash if it smells. Minimize the amount of clothes on the floor. Basically, be an adult, not a teenager. We want to be girlfriends, not Mom 2.0.
Especially clean the bathroom. She has to use that room. A grimey sink, ringed toilet, dirty floor, and limited toilet paper say “I’m not interested enough in you to try that hard."
18) Hygiene cannot be understated. Invest in a good body wash and a deodorant with a nice smell (Old Spice is usually good for both and has fun ads). Moisturizer is not just for chicks; it’s for touchable skin. Mouthwash is your new BFF. Shower daily. I really wish I didn’t feel the need to put this on the list.
19) If she’s having a problem, listen first. I know men are problem solvers and you can do that. She may want you to do that but not immediately. Listen and let her be upset. If weren't not allowed to deal with our feelings before you snap into Mr. Fix-It mode, those feelings may be directed at you.
20) You do have a say in how your relationship goes. Your feelings matter. If you don’t like how things are going, you’re allowed to do something about it.
There’s more I could add but that’s what the internet and personal experience are for. I know some nerds who would appreciate these tidbits anyway. I hope this helps somebody somewhere.
Current Music: Geeks Get the Girls - American Hi-Fi
No comments:
Post a Comment