Eye of the Beholder

As many of you know, I listen to the Kane Show in the mornings. The recently posted something about 8 things men assume are unattractive but women actually like. The list was:

1) A very hairy chest

2) Scruffy facial hair

3) No huge muscles

4) Nerdiness

5) Big noses

6) A little bit of a gut

7) Messy hair

8) A small penis

I’m not into super hairy guys but I know a lot of women who are so that stands. I agree that a huge penis can be painful. It’s not an endless void but a finite space it’s going into. When it’s small the saying is “It’s not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean.” Yeah but it takes a long time to England in a rowboat.

Scruffy facial hair is sexy as hell, especially when he’s kissing your neck. Messy hair offsets that look well. Boy Toy is a runner so he’s very lean but he’s strong and solid. Few women want to date a weakling with nothing to him.

I usually go for a Seth Rogan ala Knocked Up type so I have nothing against a small gut. I shop in Lane Bryant and Torrid so I can’t exactly talk. Boy Toy is very lean mostly because he’s a 6’1 runner. He has a prominent nose the way Arthur Darvill has a big nose. It suits his face.

The last thing is nerdiness. I love that he’s a nerd. Being a nerd means you get to be passionate and excited about something. He can also fix my computer and set up my new internet router with a minimum of swearing. This is offset by the fact that I am also a huge nerd so we can be nerdy together. One guy called a Baltimore radio station I had on to say that he was a nerd, his wife was a nerd, and they had 3 little nerdlette children. Living the dream.

Music: Who You Love by John Mayer and Katy Perry

Don't Be That Creepy Guy

As many of you already know, I listen to The Kane Show in the morning. They have a bit called Loser Line where Intern John gives his old cell phone number to women. These women give that number to guys who can’t take a hint.

One of the guys who called heard a woman giving her number and address to someone else and called it. He never actually met her but really wanted to get to know her. When she doesn’t call him (probably within the hour) he calls back saying that he doesn’t think he should come to the address but would love to get a cup of coffee with her.

At this point Intern John calls him and tells him that the number isn’t real and he should not go to that address. Creepy McCreeperson actually says “But we had a connection.” In order to have a connection with someone, you have to interact with them.

Do not do this. Ever.

If we’re giving our number to another guy, use it as a segue to talk to us once he walks away. If we have not spoken to you or we’ve already turned you down, we do not want to hear from you. There is no circumstance where this will work out well for you. There is no way for this to be anything other than creepy and stalker-tastic.

If someone did this with my number, I’d block them. If someone showed up at my home, I’d call the cops. It is not sweet. It is not romantic. It is scary.

Music: Internet Friends by Knife Party

Fifty Shades of Roulette

I heard this on the morning radio show I listen to and I thought it was brilliant. Everyone has heard of Fifty Shades of Grey. It started as a fanfic and has become a NYT bestseller. I’m working on it for the Alphabet Challenge to see what the fuss is all about.

The Kane Show felt the same way and created Fifty Shades of Grey Roulette. To play you need a copy of the book (Kindle probably won’t work). You must put all of the page numbers on little pieces of paper and put them in a box (or hat or whatever). Pull out a page number, go to the page and begin reading aloud. Any time words or phrases you can’t say on the radio or around small children (e.g. nipple, fuck, penis, I came) say an animal noise instead.

It was hilarious! “Now I’m going to moo you.” “He put his hand on my meow.” “I felt his hard woof against my belly.” Add the audio book narrator voice and it only gets more entertaining. Traffic sucked on my commute this morning so this definitely brightened my morning. 

Current music: Love Is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar