The best way to describe it is that a RenFest and a Con had an interesting lovechild. I’ve heard it’s gotten tamer in recent years but it’s my first so I have nothing with which to compare it. It was split between two hotels, the Time Traveler’s Hotel and the Wicked Hotel. A shuttle ran back and forth between both.
This set-up was less than optimal because the hotel where my friend and I stayed was treated as an ‘over flow’ hotel. This meant that the entertainment was not at all comparable to the Wicked hotel. I think they folks running the show would do well to distribute the talent and panels more evenly.
The vendors are both places were great. The Bee Folk form RenFest were there so I stocked up on soap and got bamboo honey. I bought a bunch of great garb (never thought I’d look good in a drop waist), know a new corset I want order (they didn’t have my size so I wasn’t compelled to spend that much up front), and found a Jayne hat! I was serenaded when I wore it. Try that in a Nationals cap : P
The Wicked hotel also had a ball pit. That was crazy amounts of fun. The only downside is that when you’re 5 and people throw balls at you, it doesn’t hurt much. When adults do it, they give it a little more oomph.
Speaking of an abundance of balls (you try coming up with a better segway), I went to speed dating on Friday night. I told all my friends I was going for one reason. To hell with finding a date or someone to bankroll my meals that weekend. I wanted a good story. Ask and you shall receive.
I was the only girl.
It ended up being one of my shameless Rennie friends and one very sweet guy from New Jersey vying for my attention. The Rennie friend thought I had a boyfriend and was pleased to know I was fair game. When the Rennie and I went to leave, the NJ guy made one last ditch effort. He did a few magic tricks involving foam balls.
To paint you a picture, R and I are about to wander off to another event but I wait to see this guy’s show. R is behind me, has his arm around my waist while the other guy is doing the tricks in my hands. It was probably awkward if you weren’t me. If you were me, it was rather entertaining.
Voltaire
One of the big draws to the event was Voltaire. If you don’t know him, take a moment to Google him and listen to a song or two. I’ll wait.
He did a reading from his new book, due out in May, The Call of the Jersey Devil. The tag line: “Five suburban mall rats and a washed up goth singer find themselves stranded in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey where they discover two horrifying truths: The Jersey Devil is real and New Jersey (as many already suspected) is the gateway to Hell.” Every time he mentioned the singer, he would dramatically mouth, “That’s me.”
He did a great job with the inflections and voices. If there’s an audio book, I pray he does it. I would so buy that. He really gave the third of the book he read a lot of humor. I’m a sucker for being read to, especially when the reader does voices. Apparently it has it’s sad moments: “There are parts that are really sad to the point where I still cry and I fucking wrote it. What’s that say about me?” That it isn’t easy to kill your darlings.
The book actually started out as a screenplay. Everyone who read it loved it but said that it was a big blockbuster movie. Voltaire wanted to do it in the retro style of 1980s horror movie monsters where “Hell is a barn with a red light and a smoke machine.” He did the book to help generate interest in the screenplay.
Apparently the transition from screenplay to book is not the easiest in the world. To paraphrase, a screenplay will say ‘scene opens, night in Pine Barrens’ where as a book has to paint the vivid picture film serves up on a platter.
During the reading he asked the time and it was 2:56, he had such a reaction that he promised the story after. When Voltaire was a kid, he wanted to do the stop motion animation but he couldn’t get the materials. Then he had this dream where he came upon a shop full of glass display cases of these stop motion creatures. He saw his favorite, a Cyclops from Sinbad (I think) and looked up to see the price on the bottom. It just said 256. No symbols, just those three numbers.
He wakes up, ends up telling the story to his sister’s New Jersey Italian boyfriend. The BF recommends they play the lottery and realize the numbers have already been drawn. Voltaire calls to see what the winning numbers are. They are 2, 5, and 6. He tells the sister’s BF who responds, “Don’t bust my balls.” Voltaire swore that he would never forget the look on that guys face when they called back.
Other fun quotes from the event included, “It’s like Justin Bieber saying, “This song doesn’t suck. Let me help you with that.” Poor Justin Bieber. Everyone needs to stop hating on Justin Bieber, myself included.” Like that will ever happen.
I also attended his concert. It was really fun. This Way to Egress was his back-up band. He of course did a bunch of his dirtier stuff like ‘The Trouble with Tribbles,’ ‘Zombie Prostitute’ and ‘Dirtiest Song that Ain’t.’ The last one required some fun call backs from the audience.
Of course he also did some of the less offensive stuff like ‘Mechanical Girl’ and ‘Death Death(Devil, Devil, Evil, Evil Song).’ What makes it funny is that it’s not nearly as bad as it sounds. He also did a song from his upcoming album ‘Raised By Bats.’ It ties into Call of the Jersey Devil. The washed up goth singer fronted the band Raised By Bats. I’m looking forward to it.
He closed with my favorite, ‘The USS Making Shit Up As We Wish.’ He makes fun of every incarnation of Star Trek. The man did his homework for that one. He’d been drinking so much throughout the course of the day that he forgot the bonus verse for the latest movie. Someone had to get on stage with a phone. It was hilarious.
The next day I got to meet him. I was at the Wicked hotel to check out the ball pit and I saw him talking to a woman. I stood off the side and he was nice enough to take a picture with me. He actually took it himself.
And for those of you wondering, I was wicked enough to have a good time but not wicked enough to be embarrassed about it later. If you want me to take my clothes off, you have to earn it. What I’ll do with them on…well, that’s another story.
Current Music: When You’re Evil by Voltaire
