Guns Don't Kill People, Misogyny Kills People

Everyone is talking about Elliot Rodgers and the shooting at UCSB so I might as well throw in my 2 cents. It was a tragedy and my heart goes out to all the grieving families and those innocent lives lost. I don’t think Elliot Rodgers was an innocent life.

People are using this as a platform for gun control and mental illness but that’s not the core of this issue. From what I’ve seen, Elliot Rodgers was a sociopath who was the ultimate ‘Nice Guy.’ ‘Nice Guys’ are the guys who see women as NPC characters in the story of them. If they are decent to the woman they desire, she is supposed to be theirs. Her own agency as a person is not a concern

Elliot felt entitled to beautiful women. His father worked on The Hunger Games and Elliot drove a BMW so I doubt there was anything he was ever really denied in life. It never dawned on him that he might have a crappy personality, that women reserve the right to say no, or that he’s not entitled to another human being. Rather than face rejection like an adult or admit he might be part of the problem, he used it to fuel a disturbingly misogynistic ideology.

The part that is terrifying is that there are plenty of people who sympathize with this sociopath! They’re saying things like how women are stuck up sluts, how giving it up can save lives, and how this is the fault of blondes, not mental illness or guns. Men’s Rights movements and a plethora of on-line chat boards are backing this up.

This is sick, disturbing, and shows that feminism still has a lot of work left to do. How many of you would want your daughter, sister, or girlfriend spoken to like this? How many deserve to die for rejecting someone they don’t desire?

If someone had slapped Elliot Rodgers with a dose of reality, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Having money doesn’t entitle you to a woman. Being male doesn’t entitle you to a woman. Nothing entitles you to another human being. The more men learn this, the better our world will be.

Dos and Don’ts of Unemployed Friends

I have one friend who is looking into buying a house, an old college friend who just bought a house, another who is about to get a new place with her boyfriend, and I helped a friend move into a new place with roommates recently. While I’m excited for all my friends, it’s really hard since my life has completely stalled.

I had no interviews, form letters, or short term temp gigs last week. My spidey sense tells me this week isn’t going to be much better. None of my friends are going through this so it’s even harder because if you can’t see it, it’s not real.

Lacking a steady paycheck for 6 months has taught me that a lot of people want to help but don’t know how. This list is mostly don’ts because the dos aren’t that complicated.

DON’T say ‘I told you so’ about anything. Ever.

We remind ourselves daily that we picked the wrong internship/college major/job. You piling on is a recipe for resentment.

DON’T talk about how a negative attitude begets negative results.

I can name 2 times I thought I nailed the interview and had the job. I’m still listening to radio silence regardless of my attitude. Applying for jobs is also incredibly discouraging. We are allowed a little negativity especially when our gainfully employed friends say condescending platitudes about our attitudes.

DON’T send us jobs we don’t want.

I’m willing to look at any job anyone sends me but there are some jobs I know I don’t want. You know us so you know we’ll hate nights and weekends/cold calling customers/selling people crap we wouldn’t buy/we’re not qualified for. I majored in English, don’t send me jobs that require a few years of working in finance. If you wouldn’t do it or accept the salary, don’t send it to us.

DON’T try to compare your own experience if you haven’t been there.

If you’ve got a career, don’t talk to someone your own age about how you know what it’s like. If you’re not there now, weren’t there recently, or were but for ~2 weeks, you don’t get it. By all means, say other things to make us feel better but if you haven’t been where we are, you don’t get it. Saying you get it is about as condescending as commenting on our attitude.

DON’T rant endlessly about how stressful your job is.

You can talk about work. We recognize you have a life and right to complain. All jobs will be stressful at times and friends listen. Friends don’t spend 10 solid minutes on how stressful work is to the unemployed person. You know what’s more stressful? Not knowing where or when your next paycheck is coming from and knowing you’ve got bills to pay.

DO recommend job boards. 

There’s a good chance you’ve heard of something we haven’t. I found out about a new one last week. This is general, helpful, and proactive.

DO send us jobs we’d realistically like.

Send me things that play to my skill set or fit with what I’ve said I want to do. You know our background, you know our abilities so you have a better idea than some what we can do.

DO refer us for jobs or to friends.

You want to help? Put your money where your mouth is. We need all the help we can get and knowing people is always better than applying cold.

DO respect our desire not to talk about it.

Finding a job is stressful, frustrating, and all around miserable. It sucks. There is no circumstance in which it does not suck. Sometimes we don’t want to talk  or think about it. If we’re out and I say I don’t want to talk about it, I want to forget about it and enjoy this time not sitting at home willing the phone to ring.

Music: From the Inside by Linkin Park

Free Books! Updated

Updated: The books are still free but I’ve crossed out ones that have been claimed and added a few more. They’re in purple at the bottom of the lists.

Paperback

Nonfiction
Bunny Tales by Izabella St. James
Spiced by Dalia Jurgensen
20something Essays by 20something Writers edited by Matt Kellogg and Jillian Quint
If You Have to Cry, Go Outside by Kelly Cutrone
Without Reservations by Alice Steinbach
Traveler’s Tales: Mexico edited by James O’Reilly & Larry Habegger
Stanley and Sophie by Kate Jennings
What Your Doctor Hasn’t Told You and the Health Store Clerk Doesn’t Know by Edward Schneider
Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease
Profiling Your Date by Caroline Presno
Decoding Love by Andrew Trees
Totally Charmed edited by Jennifer Cruise
The Mythology of Cats by Gerald & Loretta Hausman
Hello I’m Special by Hal Niedzviecki
I Have Lived a Thousand Years by Livia Bitton-Jackson
My Bridges of Hope by Livia Bitton-Jackson
Us: Americans Talk About Love
Holy Blood Holy Grail by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, Henry Lincoln
Shadow Divers by Robert Kurson
The Social Lives of Dogs by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas
Jeans by James Sullivan
Voices from the Holocaust by Harry Cargas
The Big Short by Michael Lewis
Retail Hell by Freeman Hall
The Murder of Jim Fisk by H. W. Brands
The Duchess by Amanda Foreman
Gesundheit by Patch Adams
Open Wide by Dade Hayes and Jonathan Bing
Silent Bob Speaks by Kevin Smith
What’s Next edited by Max Brockman
Awakenings by Oliver Sacks
A Year at the Movies by Kevin Murphy
What We Believe but Cannot Prove edited by John Brockman
A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell

American Nerd by Benjamin Nugent

Without You by Anthony Rapp

The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life by Wendy Shanker

Word Freak by Stefan Fatsis

I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron
The Secret Diary of a Call Girl by Belle du Jour
The Book of Vice by Peter Sagal
Book Lust by Nancy Pearl

Fiction
The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
Delirium by Lauren Oliver
So Much Closer by Susane Colsanti
Secret Society by Tom Dolby
Need by Carrie Jones
XVI by Julia Karr
The Map of All Things by Kevin Anderson
Look Again by Lisa Scottline
Chore Whore by Heather Howard
Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts
Why Shoot a Butler? by Georgette Heyer
The Chicago Way by Michael Harvey
McSweeney’s Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales edited by Michael Chabon
Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg
Drag King Dreams by Leslie Feinberg (autographed)
Lost Horizons by James Hilton
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
One for the Money by Janet Evanovich
Literary Dogs edited by Jeanne Schinto
Family Secrets by Judith Henry Wall
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Dangerous Laughter by Steven Millhauser
The Shape of Water by Andrea Camilleri
See Jane Date by Melissa Senate
The Cold Dish by Craig Johnson
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
House by Ted DekKer and Frank Peretti
The Rise of Life on Earth by Joyce Carol Oates
American Fuji by Sara Backer
Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Stout
Tethered by Amy MacKinnon
Dying to Live by Kim Paffenroth
Prep by Curtis Sittenfield
Kisses from Hell by Kelley Armstrong et al

The Marriage Bureau for Rich People by Farahad Zama

Fated by S. G. Browne

McSweeney’s Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales edited by David Chabon

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Hobbitt by J.R.R. Tolkein
The Maltese Falcon by Dashiel Hammett

Other
Secret Lives of Great Artists by Lunday
The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha
Christmas’s Most Wanted by Kevin Cuddihy & Phillip Metcalfe
The Adventures of Unemployed Man by Erich Origen and Gan Golan
The Insanity Defense by Woody Allen
The Unofficial College Guide to Yale with Murder
The Unofficial College Guide to Harvard with Murder
Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies
The Bad Girl’s Guide to the Open Road
The Bad Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want
The Everything Tall Tales, Legends, & Outrageous Lies Book
Stupid American History
Stupid History
Stupid Christmas

Ruminations on College Life

Ruminations on Twenty-something Life

Walt Disney World Trivia Book

The Book of Shadows: The ‘Unofficial’ Charmed Companion by N. E. Genge

Glamour’s Big Book of Dos and Don’ts

Hardback

Nonfiction
The Pioneer Woman by Ree Drummond
The Dreaded Feast edited by Michele Clarke & Taylor Plimpton
Why He Didn’t Call You Back by Rachel Greenwald
The Truth about Dogs by Stephen Budiansky
Chicken Soup for the Soul Christmas Treasury
Twilight Director’s Notebook by Catherine Hardwicke
A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend by Felicity Huffman & Patricia Wolf
The Perfect Thing by Stephen Levy

Spies for Hire by Tim Shorrock

DSI: Date Scene Investigator by Ian Kerner, PhD

The Road to McCarthy by Pete McCarthy

But Enough About Me by Jancee Dunn

Spy by David Wise

He’s Just Not that into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
It’s Called a Break-up Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

Fiction
Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
A Once Crowded Sky by Tom King (autographed)
Letters from Home by Carolyn Hart (autographed)
The Book of Air and Shadows by Michael Gruber
Go Mutants by Larry Doyle
The Wild Things by Dave Eggers
Wishin’ and Hopin by Wally Lamb

Ireland by Frank Delaney

The Preservationist by David Maine

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer

Other
Faking It by College Humor
The College Humor Guide to College
Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary
Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
Catmas Carols
Holiday Hounds

The Good Body by Eve Ensler

Square Zero

I heard back about Job 1 and they decided to pass. They asked some detailed questions in the interview and seemed fairly formal. That feeling was spot on because they thought I was ‘too casual’ and ‘wasn’t consistent with why I left my last job.’

The ‘not consistent’ thing feels a little BS to me since it came up twice and my answer only changed in the wording. If I was too casual, I have no idea how. Maybe I didn’t ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am’ them enough. I’ll grant they’re important people doing good work. I’m still over people who need their own importance validated by not being spoken to like people.

I haven’t heard back about Job 2. If I heard back there’s a good chance I’d say yes but if I hear anything from them I’ll be surprised. I can almost guarantee they’ll pass as well. I’m back to square zero. 

It’s ironic I was making myself crazy over what to do when it turns out I was worrying for nothing. Nobody was going to say yes. I could really use a winning lottery ticket so I can be all sorts of done with this non-stop searching and anxiety. 

Music: Holdin’ Out for a Hero by Octopodes 

Baker's Dozen Challenge Book 7

For Another World I started the Wild Card series edited by George R. R. Martin. I LOVE the premise for this series. Right after WWII an alien virus is released on earth that is a total wild card. The infected will either draw the black queen (die), become deformed or mutated (jokers), or gain a power (aces). Sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is a joker or an ace. The uninfected or with a dormant strain are called nats or naturals.

I loved the grit and realism and darkness of these stories. The fate of the four aces and Tachyon (the lone alien who survived the trip and tried to stop the virus) is a very realistic portrayal of human nature and it's failures. It's disappointing but that's life especially during the McCarthy era. We also saw how people can become heroes with Stop Watch and Turtle so that was a nice boost. Ghost Girl brought some levity just trying to get through one bad night.

The stories here inspire disappointment, hope, disgust, and most other emotions you would expect if something like this happened in our world. The variety of powers and deformities was fascinating. The telepathic bartender with no eyes, the brain trust who had trouble with so many minds living in her head, the girl who stopped being human to cope with her pain.

My biggest problem was how long it took me to finish the book. It was a combination of being busy, being distracted, and 600 pages of fiction. I enjoyed almost everything I read but I was ready to be done. The appendix was a nice touch though. The 'nonfiction' scientific pieces helped add to the world and round out the main narrative.

The depravity and ugliness of the world didn't bother me but I can see where some parts may disturb others. It's not for the faint or heart but I went into it warned. If you like the premise and can handle some darkness, give this series a shot.

1) Another World – Wild Cards edited by George R. R. Martin (Wild Cards #1)

2) Learned Something –

3) Movie-Book – The Fault in Out Stars by John Green

4) Graphic Novel – Fanboys vs. Zombies Vol 1 by Sam Humphries

5) Dust –

6) Nonfiction –

7) Reread – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (as read by Wil Wheaton)

8) Shorts – 20something Essays by 20something Writers edited by Matt Kellogg and Jillian Quint

9) Fiction – The Rosie Project by Graeme Simison

10) Shiny – Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay

11) Retelling –

12) Wild Card –

13) The End –

Music: Virus by Abney Park