I have one friend who is looking into buying a house, an old college friend who just bought a house, another who is about to get a new place with her boyfriend, and I helped a friend move into a new place with roommates recently. While I’m excited for all my friends, it’s really hard since my life has completely stalled.
I had no interviews, form letters, or short term temp gigs last week. My spidey sense tells me this week isn’t going to be much better. None of my friends are going through this so it’s even harder because if you can’t see it, it’s not real.
Lacking a steady paycheck for 6 months has taught me that a lot of people want to help but don’t know how. This list is mostly don’ts because the dos aren’t that complicated.
DON’T say ‘I told you so’ about anything. Ever.
We remind ourselves daily that we picked the wrong internship/college major/job. You piling on is a recipe for resentment.
DON’T talk about how a negative attitude begets negative results.
I can name 2 times I thought I nailed the interview and had the job. I’m still listening to radio silence regardless of my attitude. Applying for jobs is also incredibly discouraging. We are allowed a little negativity especially when our gainfully employed friends say condescending platitudes about our attitudes.
DON’T send us jobs we don’t want.
I’m willing to look at any job anyone sends me but there are some jobs I know I don’t want. You know us so you know we’ll hate nights and weekends/cold calling customers/selling people crap we wouldn’t buy/we’re not qualified for. I majored in English, don’t send me jobs that require a few years of working in finance. If you wouldn’t do it or accept the salary, don’t send it to us.
DON’T try to compare your own experience if you haven’t been there.
If you’ve got a career, don’t talk to someone your own age about how you know what it’s like. If you’re not there now, weren’t there recently, or were but for ~2 weeks, you don’t get it. By all means, say other things to make us feel better but if you haven’t been where we are, you don’t get it. Saying you get it is about as condescending as commenting on our attitude.
DON’T rant endlessly about how stressful your job is.
You can talk about work. We recognize you have a life and right to complain. All jobs will be stressful at times and friends listen. Friends don’t spend 10 solid minutes on how stressful work is to the unemployed person. You know what’s more stressful? Not knowing where or when your next paycheck is coming from and knowing you’ve got bills to pay.
DO recommend job boards.
There’s a good chance you’ve heard of something we haven’t. I found out about a new one last week. This is general, helpful, and proactive.
DO send us jobs we’d realistically like.
Send me things that play to my skill set or fit with what I’ve said I want to do. You know our background, you know our abilities so you have a better idea than some what we can do.
DO refer us for jobs or to friends.
You want to help? Put your money where your mouth is. We need all the help we can get and knowing people is always better than applying cold.
DO respect our desire not to talk about it.
Finding a job is stressful, frustrating, and all around miserable. It sucks. There is no circumstance in which it does not suck. Sometimes we don’t want to talk or think about it. If we’re out and I say I don’t want to talk about it, I want to forget about it and enjoy this time not sitting at home willing the phone to ring.
Music: From the Inside by Linkin Park
No comments:
Post a Comment