Warm and Fuzzy

I dare anyone to top my morning.

We won first prize at bar trivia last night. Since trivia is near The Boy, I stayed with him last night. It was cooler and rainier than I was expecting so my sweater options were the weighs-nothing shrug or the super-warn fuzzy sweater. I chose the fuzzy sweater. I chose poorly.

While it was nice outside, it was like a down coat once I was on metro. The platform felt like ~80 degrees. I inevitably started sweating before I could get it off. I had to wear it again once I got above ground and hadn't totally cooled off from metro.

By the time I got to my desk my arms were totally covered in grey sweater fuzz. I looked like an extra from Gorillas in the Mist.

I went to the bathroom and wet paper towels did nothing. Running my arm under the sink elicited some results but I had a tank top on. It was everywhere. Someone finally took pity on me and let me go down to the gym.

I had to take a full on shower, with soap, to rid myself of all the sweater fuzz. This is my life.

Dating Advice for the Awkward

I have a lot of friends who are nerds. Not the nerd-lite that’s trendy but the reason for the stereotype. Some are fine in social situations but less optimal in romantic ones. 

Here are some of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen nerds and Aspies do when trying to woo a woman. Don’t be that guy.

Don’t Hover or Cling

This is one of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen nerds do. Attraction is not a war of attrition. You can’t make her interested by tethering yourself to her side. You can, however, make yourself seem very creepy.

Walk Away

If you’re at a bar or out with a group, talk to her for about 20-30 minutes and then find an excuse to walk away. Refill your drink, go greet a friend, or talk to someone else. If she’s still around and smiles at you when you come back, you’re in. If her face doesn’t look happy to see you again, abort the mission.

Ask Her Out

Another huge mistake I’ve seen repeated is guys who show clear interest in a woman and do nothing about it. We know what exactly you want. We’re just not interested in doing your job for you. If you’re not brave enough to ask for it, you don’t deserve to have it.

Respect Her Answer

If she says no politely, respect her answer. Remain friendly but don’t carry a torch or try to change her mind. It’s desperate and ineffectual, if not a little creepy. If she rudely rebuffs you then she wasn't that nice anyway.

Assume Her Boyfriend Is Real

I have seen guys continue to pester a woman even after she admits to having someone else in her life. One persisted even after meeting him. Assume all significant others mentioned are real. Either she’s unavailable or trying to turn you down as nicely as possible.

Learn Body Language

If you’re an Aspie or have trouble reading body language and faces, you need to learn and fast. These are some of the biggest indicators of attraction and discomfort. YouTube has an abundance of videos and I own a few books on the subject. I’m sure autism sites have resources to help with that learning curve.

Dating isn’t easy for anybody but I hope I’ve made it easier for anyone who might be ‘socially awkward.’ Good luck and may the force be with you.

Music: Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor

The Naked Eye

Actual conversation while watching The Biggest Loser last night

The Boy: "Are those stretch marks?"

Me: "Yeah. I have them."


The Boy: "I never noticed."

Right answer! He may not buy me a lot of loot but he will say the right thing without coaching.

The Boy followed it up with "Not like that," which is true. This particular contestant looked like he had tiger stripes across his stomach. I don't know why people want to pig out when they watch the show. It makes me want to move around and exercise.

The Cost of Temping

When your friends all have full time jobs and you're a temp, some of the differences of those situations become glaring. While I'm always glad to be working, being a temp is more expensive than most people realize.

I get paid less money

A temp automatically makes less than a full time staff person for the same job because the company has to pay the temp as well as the staffing agency. The temp gets vetted, has access to a variety of organizations, and makes good contacts but we don't make as much as full-timers until we get hired. Clearly this has yet to happen to me.

I pay for my own health insurance

I opted for a PPO which is a little higher than an HMO but I have a relationship with my doctors. Most staffing agencies offer health insurance but some only offer it if you're working. I'm with ~7 agencies so I want to be able to choose the place that offers me work.

Most full time jobs either pay for some or all of your insurance. Your rates are usually discounted and your coverage is better. You're also not getting price gouged $50 a month for your weight despite the lack of any relevant medical condition.

No transit subsidy

All of my metro costs come out of my pocket. My current gig is under what I usually like to be making and the recent metro fare hikes took a big hit on my wallet. Since the service hasn't improved, I've tried to catch a few free rides to save money.

I don't get paid leave

If I'm sick, have a doctor's appointment, or take a trip, I don't get paid. If metro has a problem and I'm an hour late, it's an hour off my pay check. I try to take shorter lunch breaks just so I can get paid for that 30 minutes.

If you're on an assignment, no one will touch you

If I'm currently working, no one from any of the other agencies will offer me work. Ditching one assignment for another from a different agency wouldn't do wonders for my reputation either. The agency currently giving me the assignment doesn't work that hard to find me a future assignment until my current gig is basically over. I still apply for full time positions but, once again, that clearly hasn't come through for me.

I don't know when I'll work again

When an assignment ends, I apply like crazy and get in touch with all the other agencies. However, despite my best efforts,  I can't magically make work appear. When my current assignment is done in a couple of weeks, I don't know if and when I'll find another.

I can collect unemployment but that is always less than what I was making before. It never lessens the ever-present anxiety that comes with not working. You can't relax and enjoy it if you don't know if you'll be sitting around for a week or two months.

Being a temp is not easy financially or psychologically. I will have been doing it for a year this November. I am definitely ready for a full time job.

A Lack of Color

I have a celebrity crush on Nonso Anozie. I watched Ender's Game and tweeted that he was just as cute in that as he was Game of Thrones. He favorited it and I did a fangirl squee.

Who is he? He's the black guy in GoT, Dracula (the series), Ender's Game, and The Grey.

I never truly appreciated how white washed my media was until I had to explain who he is but I was definitely starting to see it in Ender's Game. One of the characters was known for being Spanish and an incredibly beautiful young boy. In the book it is very clear this character has tan skin and black hair. While Moises Arias is mixed and fluent in Spanish, he looked as Anglo as anyone in that movie.

Arias did a very good job in the role but they didn't do much to make him look the part. It makes me wonder if the auditioned anyone who did. Something similar happened on The Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence did an amazing job but I don't think the casting should have been a call for Aryan breeding.

Looking at GoT, almost everyone is white. There are 2 black characters, the pirate and the richest man in Qarth. Even the background characters have little diversity. I'm against colorblind casting in a period piece but this is a fantasy where characters' hair colors aren't restricted to the norms. Why is the skin color?

Why can't there be any background Wildlings that look like Eskimos? Why can't some of the average citizens in King's Landing have some diversity? Why was the BFF in Warm Bodies a white girl when she's a one-armed black chick in the book?

I have a friend from India who has a roommate named Igor. His group house is like a mini-UN with all the places of origins in that house. The group of people I socialize with includes a variety of faiths, races, genders, and professions. (This includes a Chinese doctor and very WASP-y lawyer. Make your own jokes.)

Why can't Hollywood reflect my reality? If the level of whitewashing in Hollywood is starting to grate on white people, you know it's time to change.

Music: City of Angels by Thirty Seconds to Mars

If Only

Earlier today my friend posted this on my Facebook wall:

I had a great deal of fun eating my mooched salmon (workshop leftovers) and playing with this sentence. The inflection and interpretation can also change the meaning of things.

She only told him that she loved him.
He makes this big impassioned speech or angry rant and her simple reply is her true affections

She told only him that she loved him.
She never told anyone else of her affections, either for fear of what others would think or because they weren't genuine.

She told him only that she loved him.
There needed to be more of an answer than simple words. What does she love about him?

She told him that only she loved him.
I feel like the next line should be "That changed things" or "That made all the difference."

She told him that she only loved him.
Sounds a bit more maternal and simple. Or it could be the end of a relationship where you realize love isn't all you need.

She told him that she loved only him.
I only have eyes for you baby.

Now I want to do this for other sentences. This is like mad libs for book nerds.

Music: Wrapped Up in Books by Belle and Sebastian

B*Witching

One of my favorite girl groups when I was growing up was B*Witched. They were an Irish foursome know for rocking denim and singing bubblegum pop. 

I was poking around on iTunes when I discovered they'd released new music. I promptly downloaded in and started looking into what happened with the resurgence. It all started as part of a British TV show called The Big Reunion. Six of the top UK pop bands of the 90's and early 2000s will be reunited for one big concert and one dramatic reality show. I've been watching it on YouTube.

I knew about a few of these bands but these were the days of dial-up internet. If the marketing machine never made it state-side, there wasn't a lot I could find out. Atomic Kitten and Five made it stateside but they weren't as big as B*Witched.

When I fell in love with B*Witched I was 12 and media literacy existed in academic circles. With the rise of smartphones and constant communication, media literacy is a common topic of discussion. I often take apart the media I'm consuming now but I've never taken a look back at the media I consumed growing up.

It's so strange to hear about how the leads on songs were shared until one of their handlers decided they needed a lead singer. They weren't supposed to be seen outside without their 'uniform' of denim. Keavy had an extremely hard time adjusting to living in her twin's shadow. Lindsay felt like she didn't have a voice. When the band was abruptly dropped from their record label, Edele wanted to find another label and make it work. Sinead was ready to call it quits. She and Edele had become so close that she wanted to figure out who she was on her own. Both describe it like the end of a marriage. 

It was so bizarre to hear one of my favorite bubbly girl groups who are always delightful in interviews was dying inside. When Keavy had a minor breakdown on a family trip, their team was worried about the band, not the woman. Edele said "We were a product." 

Looking back at it, those kinds of issues were inevitable. In the Big Brother-esque world of media today, it's harder to hide those issues but it still happens. You can still see the media controlled corporate pop machines like One Direction. They seem like lovely lads but I assure you those boys are walking hormones.

I'll always loved B*Witched and have a soft spot for their music. You don't hear bubble gum pop like that these days. I have a new respect for these women and how hard it was to do what they did. I hope things in the new band are more balanced. I'd like to see them thrive again.

Music: Champagne or Guiness by B*Witched

Baker's Dozen Challenge Book 13

It's the end of the Baker's Dozen Challenge so it was only fitting I saved The End for my final book. I read After the Apocalypse, a short story collection by Maureen McHugh. Rather than explain the whole world and everything that had changed, we saw through the eyes of ordinary people just trying to get by. 

I liked seeing what the world looked liked to everyday people after that particular disaster. It's what my own experience would be like in the same situation. So many people write about the post-apocalyptic heroes or warriors we'd like to be rather than the regular people we are.

'The Naturalist' gave a unique take on zombies while 'Useless Things' showed a devastated economy not too different from our own. 'Special Economics' showed what happened in China after the bird flu wiped out a large part of the population. 'The Effect of Centrifugal Forces' is about a brain rotting disease transmitted in processed chicken. There were others but these were the ones that really resonated with me.

I liked the new take on a post-disaster/apocalyptic world. It was very refreshing. If this is a sub-genre you like, definitely give this a read.

I'm really pleased I was able to finish this challenge early. I'm debating what to do for my next book challenge. I want to do something longer like the 42 Book Challenge or the Alphabet Challenge but with more freedom that I've done previously.

1) Another World – Wild Cards edited by George R. R. Martin

2) Learned Something – Animals Make Us Human by Temple Grandin

3) Movie Book – The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

4) Graphic Novel – Fanboys vs. Zombies Vol. 1 by Sam Humphries

5) Dust – You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl by Celia Rivenbark

6) Nonfiction – A Little F'ed Up by Julie Zeilinger

7) Reread – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (as read by Wil Wheaton)

8) Shorts – 20something Essays by 20something Writers

9) Fiction – The Rosie Project by Graeme Simison

10) Shiny – Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay

11) Retelling – Classics Mutilated edited by Jeff Connor

12) Wild Card – Will Grayson, Will Grayson by Jon Green and David Levithan

13) The End – After the Apocalypse by Maureen McHugh

Music: Cool Kids by Echosmith

Shower Me in Savings

One the best examples of every day sexism I've heard is how men's products are just plain cheaper. The most commonly noted items are deodorant, body wash, and shampoo. I had to run to the store last night so I thought I'd see if there was some truth to this and maybe save myself some money.

Holy flurking schnit is there a difference with body wash. The most expensive men's body wash I found was $3.99, the same price as the cheapest women's body wash. Moisturizing brands were more expensive. Dove was around $5.49 and Aveeno had products that topped $7. I usually use the 'gender neutral' Dial or Lever 2000 to avoid perfumes. Those were $4.99. WTF?

Why is the most expensive men's products the price of the cheapest women's products? Is it really that much more expensive to smell like fruit instead of Axe? Is Dove for women that much more effective?

I road tripped to visit a friend and forgot body wash so I borrowed his Irish Spring. Everyone thought I was wearing a lovely perfume and I had no allergy issues. Screw gender neutral soap. I'll take my savings to the dude side.

Deodorant was pretty comparable. Some of the men's stuff might have been a little cheaper but not by much. The stuff I would have considered using was the exact same price as the stuff I already buy. I can remain powder fresh and not feel cheated.

I didn't need shave gel or razors but I am definitely price comparing with the men's stuff before I buy those again. I use fancy salon shampoo so you're on your own for pricing that but I'm sure it's just as much of a scam.

Music: Fat Chick's Revenge by Storm Large

Literally Enraging

I just found out the definition of 'literally' no longer just means something actual, factual, or exact. Now literally also means "used to acknowledge that something is not literally true but is used for emphasis or to express a strong feeling." What the what?

I understand the meaning of words change over time. I have previously ranted about the contradictory definition of 'peruse' (to read thoroughly and to skim). That is a natural progression of word change I can accept. My main issue is the contradictory definition but that is part of the process of a word changing.

The perpetual misuse of 'literally,' however I cannot not abide. There are better ways to express a hyperbole without conveying ignorance. The fundamental use of the word is to convey something factual and actual. "I literally almost had a panic attack" is a powerful statement and conveys the necessary distress. "My heart was literally beating out of my chest" is not an intelligent way for adults to express themselves. Anyone who uses 'literally' the way it should be is probably thinking "If that had actually happened, I wouldn't have had to hear you butcher the English language."

Salon.com, librarians, and about half the internet agree with me. While lexicographers have technically validated that usage, most of the English speaking world will be deducting IQ points for quite some time. If you want to sound educated, pick another adverb.

Music: Word Crimes by Weird Al