Richer Reading Life Book #1

I'm opening the books section with The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, a book by a woman. I've dealt with depression for many years but I've done it pretty quietly since very few people I know understand the complexity of what that means. I wanted to dive into a book that was written by someone who understood that struggle. Despite dying several decades before I was born, Sylvia Plath gets it.

The struggle for Esther (the protagonist) is that there is nothing particularly wrong in her life but she can't read or sleep. She's deeply unhappy and no one around her appreciates what her ailment means. This was back in the days of shock treatment and a suicide attempt meant being institutionalized. While I squirmed hearing Esther talk about slashing her wrists, I'm glad there is something out there for ordinary folks to understand what this all means.

I love the quote explaining the title: "If Mrs. Guinea had given me a ticket to Europe, or a round-the-world cruise, it wouldn't have made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air." Put us in the most perfect place in the world with the best people and our brain chemicals will prevent us from enjoying it.

She also nails the fear every person with a mental illness struggles with: "How did I know that someday—at college, in Europe, somewhere, anywhere—the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn’t descend again?" We live our lives knowing that if the medication changes or a big life event happens, we can go back to that dark place. We don't live in fear but can never forget that is an ever lurking possibility in our lives.

Plath died tragically young, by suicide, leaving this as her only novel. I have her collection of journal entries and her collected poetry on my birthday wish list so we'll see what happens. I want to explore more of her work because there's something beautiful in someone's words reaching across space, time, and death to make someone else feel understood.

So That Happened

Last summer I was at a cook out with some of my crazy RenFest friends. These are some of the magical quotes that happened during a relatively 'normal' conversation. You're welcome.

"Talk to my tit. My tit needs to understand!"

"I would so fuck a smurf."

"I would also fuck a snork. They have penises on their heads."
"I don't know how you'd survive with your penis on your head"
"Teletubbies do it all the time"

"They're like alien ben-wan balls"
"I am not putting that up my ass!"

"This is a religious experience. This is a chocolate temple."

"You are getting my ultra-gay Lafayette voice!"
"That show is nothing but blood and sex and no I don't mean Game of Thrones"

"I bet you have a fabulous bedazzled and rhinestoned riding crop."

"Yes, it's still rape if it's my armpit. True story."

"I dated one guy who was kind of special. I'd have my knee bent and it's like WTF is your problem?"

"Last year I was a different person. I was gay AND drunk"

Music: The 13th Hour by Midnight Syndicate (Yes, I know it's after Halloween. No, I don't care.)

The Naked Eye

Actual conversation while watching The Biggest Loser last night

The Boy: "Are those stretch marks?"

Me: "Yeah. I have them."


The Boy: "I never noticed."

Right answer! He may not buy me a lot of loot but he will say the right thing without coaching.

The Boy followed it up with "Not like that," which is true. This particular contestant looked like he had tiger stripes across his stomach. I don't know why people want to pig out when they watch the show. It makes me want to move around and exercise.

Girl in a Country Song

A new single just dropped from a new country duo Maddie & Tae and I'm madly in love. Both Maddie and Tae realized that women have no agency in popular country music and it would suck to be them. A soon to be hit single was born.

They're calling out bro country for objectifying women and treating them as props in their story. I tweeted about this but I was careful to use #YesAllWomen instead of the equally accurate #feminism. 

These are things that feminists have been saying about women in all forms of media for decades. Unfortunately pop stars which have a more liberal target audience have been denying the f-bomb including Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, and Taylor Swift (who has barely been country since her second album). 

Country caters to a more conservative crowd. Even though feminist values and ideals are what make this song amazing, calling it such seems like a losing battle not worth starting. It's better to see women responding so strongly to the message of the song. Once they're on board the whole equality boat we can tell them what it's been called the whole time.

To really sell the point of how revolutionary this song is for contemporary country music, here's some of the more empowering, BS-calling lyrics,

I hate the way this bikini top chaffs. Do I really have to wear it all day?

I got a name and to you it ain't pretty little thing, honey or baby.

Like all we're good for is lookin' good for you and your friends on the weekend

We used to get a little respect and now we're lucky if we even get to climb up in your truck, keep our mouth shut and ride along like a girl in a country song

There ain't no sugar for you in this shaker of mine

Sure I'll slide on over but you're gonna get slapped

I ain't your tanned legged Juliet

Can we put on some real clothes now?

I only regret I haven't yet found a video to share with you. 

Music: Girl in a Country Song by Maddie & Tae

Love Me, Love My Media

I found a great article about how one woman refuses to date any man from the internet who doesn't admit to watching or reading something by women.

I posted this article on FB and had two major disagreements in any hour. The stand out quotes were:

"I read and watch what I like to read and watch. The gender, ethnicity, and religion of the creator don't matter to me."

"The quote "If that’s how you want this to go, that’s your call, but I’ll be over here flirting with the guy who wants to talk about how Pulp Fiction paved the way for Inglorious Basterds" would be (justifiably) ridiculed if it was said by a man."

Of course the Tarantino comparison should be ridiculed. Male directors making violent movies with almost exclusively male casts isn't anything new and the article says as much. The only thing The L Word and OITNB have in common is the lesbian relationships, hour long format, and women dominating the story. There is limited overlap in subject matter, locations, actors, broadcast format, etc. Male characters are the supporting cast and that's the rarity.

"It severely warps our sense of humanity when all the stories we absorb are ones in which men are people and women are background decoration." Of course we all primarily consume media we like but what you like is a valid factor when selecting who to have coffee with from the internet. 

But if you only like books, TV shows, and movies starring, directed by, and written by white men, you're only hearing the stories of (mostly white) men. And I say from experience, not all men can capture a female voice. We are not as conscious of our boobs as some male writers like to think we are.

If you never hear stories by people of color, people of faith (or atheism if you're religious), women or some intersection of the above, you're only hearing part of the story. An Asian immigrant woman is going to have a different point of view than a lesbian from Brooklyn or a gay man from the Bible Belt.

What bothered me was that my friends dismissed the article without really seeing the point. It's about the dominance of male voices and how that's completely normal. 

Female directors, female writers, and female lead movies are grossly underrepresented. Only one female has won an Academy Award for Best Director ever. What was the last female lead movie you saw? Can you name a movie with a female lead that realistically deals with issues women face?

Geeks have been begging for a Wonder Woman movie since The Avengers came out but the studios kept offering BS reasons why it wasn't happening. Like how men wouldn't see a female lead action movie (Lara Croft) or there'd be a lack of audience (millions of forum posts on the internet disagree). 

Fans shouldn't have to fight for media that's both wanted and needed. Batman got a reboot, Thor and Captain America got 2 movies, Iron Man got 3, Arrow and The Flash got live action TV shows before Wonder Woman gets her day in the sun. Also, can we get a little more Black Widow please?

I wouldn't call either of these guys sexist but I don't know if I'd call them feminists either. What seems fairly obvious to me clearly isn't to them. The world is doing a much better job of telling their story so it may be harder for them to see.

The big lessons to take away are:

1) Don't list too many of anything on your internet dating profile. 

Keep your list of media to 5 or 6, 10 at the absolute max. Give a sampling. When it comes to dating profiles, too much is never a good idea.

2) Be open minded. 

If a guy only lists a handful of media and they're all by men, he may deserve a chance. Maybe he just needs some help to find the right female driven show/book. And men, find some female centered media. Learning more about our lives and our voices can only be good for you.

Music: Wonder by The Doubleclicks

Lego My Highway. She Means Business.

I forgot to add this conversation that happened last weekend to the blog until just now. The Boy and I were driving to NOVA from MD which involves driving on DC’s highways.

I get into my lane just as someone decides he should be there as well. I lay on my horn but this does nothing to discourage his movement. I back off so there isn’t an accident on a shoulder-less highway and he cuts across 3 more lanes of traffic.

Once I had full control of the car and I knew we wouldn’t die in a massive conflagration, I reverted to my usual ‘idiots drive among us’ mental state:

Me: “Fuck off and die in a car fire you twatmonkey!”

The Boy: (no reaction)

Me: “I hope you step on a bunch of Legos in the dark!”

The Boy: “Ow!”

Me: “Seriously? ‘Die in a car fire’ and you don’t blink but ‘step on Legos’ and suddenly I mean business?

Yup, this is my relationship.

Priorities

Quote of the day courtesy yours truly: “We have the technology to figure out the atmospheric make up of planets billions of lightyears away and the make up of tiny atoms. Yet when it comes to determining why two dogs can eat the exact same food but only one turns it into room clearing farts we’ve got bupkis. Priorities people.”

Shopping

The Boy and I were at Target earlier tonight grabbing some things. Behind us in line was a woman in her late twenties buying only two things: Cool Mint Oreos and the Target gourmet brand frozen pizza.

I think this may be the official food combo of a single lady’s night in. Allow a substitution for Ben and Jerry's if it's been a hard week.

Walking home I told The Boy I knew how someone’s night was going to be based on the two items she purchased. His response? 

“Was it condoms and lube?”

I like my boyfriend a lot.

Quotable Boyfriend

There are some moments when I immensely like my boyfriend. These are some of the memorable quotes from the weekend:

“You eat food which is sexy since I can take you to nice restaurants and you’ll eat food.”

“Women in magazines are pretty but they just don’t look real. It’s the same for men.”

My nerd is not smooth enough to say something he doesn’t mean just because it seems like a good idea. One of his favorite things is going to different restaurants and enjoying good food. Since I’m fairly healthy most days, he doesn’t mind my love of carbs and dessert. It’s an interest we enjoy together.

And if you ever tire of mocking the articles in Cosmo, inspect the pictures. Any time you find a picture of a woman and you can see she has pores, do a shot. I call this drinking game Sobriety.

After years of BS, I’m finally dating someone who has a realistic expectation of my body and diet. Sweet.

Music: Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

He Said, She Said

On Boy Toy’s first weekend back we went to the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore and got dinner in Fells Point. This resulted in some memorable quotes. I’m not going to say who said what but you can probably guess

“Calculate this.”

“Did you just flip off the GPS?”

“If I call you a dumbass right now will you understand it’s with the utmost affection?”

“Yes.”
“Dumbass.”

Music: Elements by Lindsey Stirling

Playing Games

So Boy Toy and I have been playing the question game. We trade days on who asks the other a question. There are only a few rules:

1) Don’t ask a question you’re not comfortable answering

2) If you’re going to see each other on your day to ask, you are not obligated to ask a question but you may if you wish

3) You may ask a question you’ve answered just don’t repeat it right away

Yesterday I asked him ‘The Devil has come to collect and you can’t find your chess set. What game do you challenge him to?’ His answer:

Cards Against Humanity. If I’m playing the devil then we’re going full double penetration with Skeletor in a three-way with Helen Keller on a crashing plane waiting to experience survivor’s guilt.

This is a combination of cards played in past games and ideas he has for blank ones. Can you see why he’s alarmingly good at this game? I’m enjoying dating someone who’s slightly more twisted than I am.

Music: LDN by Lily Allen

The Notable, Quotable Caitlin Moran

I just finished her first book How to Be a Woman. Here are some memorable quotes for your enjoyment.

Being polite is possibly the greatest contribution everyone can make to life on earth. –on life

This is like an annual convention for Bad Husband Material. –on visiting a strip club

Personally I wouldn’t spend £21,000 on anything that didn’t have either (a) doors and windows or (b) the ability to grant me three wishes. –on weddings

Do you really want “all the people I love” in one room together? It rarely works out well. –on weddings

When else do you get named something else? On joining a nunnery, or becoming a porn star. As ostensibly joyful celebration of love, that’s bad company to be in. –on marriage

All the other women are “putting together outfits” and “working on their looks.” I am just “putting together the cleanest things.” –on fashion

There are only ten people in the world, tops, who should actually wear heels. And six of those are drag queens. –on wearing heels

If I’m going to spend $500 on a pair of designer shoes, it’s going to be a pair that I can (a) dance to “Bad Romance” in and (b) will allow me to run away from a murderer, should one suddenly decide to give chase. –on wearing heels

Apart from shoes, a handbag is the only item you’re never too fat to fit into. No one ever got dysmorphic or weepy from trying on a tote. –on fashion

When a woman says, “I have nothing to wear!” what she really means is “There’s nothing here for who I am supposed to be today.” –on fashion

Fashion is for standing still and being photographed. Clothes, on the other hand, are for our actual lives –on fashion

Batman doesn’t want a baby in order to feel he’s “done everything.” He’s just saved Gotham again! IF this means that Batman must be a feminine role model above, say, Hillary Clinton, then so be it. –on feminist role models

Ultimately, I think it’s going to be very difficult to oppress a generation of teenage girls who’ve grown-up with a liberal, literate, bisexual pop star who shoots fireworks out of her bra and was listed as Forbes magazine’s seventh most powerful celebrity in the world. –On Lady Gaga

I’ve read more about Oprah Winfrey’s arse than I have about China as an economic superpower –on the media’s treatment of women

In the 21^st century, any woman, succeeding in any arena does not need “humanizing.” There are absolutely not exceptions to this. –on ‘humanizing’ celebrities

I cannot understand antiabortion arguments that center on the sanctity of life. As a species, we’ve fairly comprehensively demonstrated that we don’t believe in the sanctity of life. The shrugging acceptance of war, famine, epidemic, pain, and lifelong grinning poverty show us that, whatever we tell ourselves, we’ve made only the most feeble of efforts to really treat human life as sacred. –on abortion

By whatever rationale you use, ending a pregnancy at 12 weeks into gestation is incalculably more moral than bringing an unwanted child into this world. It’s those unhappy, unwanted children who then grew into angry adults, who have caused the great majority of humankind’s miseries. –on abortion

Music: Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette