I loved this article about thin privilege. I can easily see thin or 'normal' women everywhere calling BS because society doesn't make them feel pretty which the article addresses perfectly.
Can you eat ice cream without worrying you're being judged? During my sample of various ice cream shops in Annapolis it crossed my mind more than a few times that I was being judged. I saw a thin woman eating twice as much ice cream and I don't think she ever expected random strangers to think ugly things. My typical attitude of "fuck 'em" kicked it but that thought came from years of society pushing a thin ideal at us.
One of my friends wanted to do a matching cosplay for a con. I refused on the grounds that I didn't want to look like a before and after weight loss ad. Guys routinely ignored me for my typically pretty friends or were only nice to me on the grounds that they can't be jerks to the pretty girl's friend. Pointing this out to my friends either elicited pity or denial, neither of which is helpful.
Earlier this year I met someone who flirted with me and treated me like a desirable person, I didn't tell him about The Boy right away. It wasn't because I had bad intentions; it was because I wanted to experience what my friends experience every time they leave the damn house.
Some thin women might complain that 'real women have curves' shuts them out. Most body positive responses don't readily recognize thin as a valid body type but there is no fat or curvy privilege. People are slowly moving away from the wispy thin models and more toward fit or curvy women but it's a slow process.
I know women of all body types who are beautiful inside and out. We need to tell the media to shove it and avoid adversarial relationships with each other. Our biggest problem is that our value as people is based on whether we're the right body type.
Big men are teddy bears; big women are worthy of scorn. People can make fat jokes or say ugly things about their bodies to their face and it's fine. Men get some fit or thin privilege but it's no where near the disparity it is for women. We need to welcome body acceptance so that all women can be seen as people regardless of how we look.
Women are people and should always be treated as such. We can never forget that.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
I Scream, You Scream
I've been temping in Downtown Annapolis this week. I haven't been back here in quite some time but it's a very lovely area. My proximity to Main Street has caused me to realize the remarkable number of places to get dessert around here. There are 3 homemade ice cream places within a couple of blocks of each other.
I decided to test and compare. I only focused on the shops that didn't have a big brand. The cafe with Hershey's ice cream got skipped. I ranked flavor, portion to price, and flavor variety.
Kilwins
Closer to the waterfront, Kilwins has almost any sweet confection you could crave from fudge to chocolate to caramel apples. I went for the ice cream. Their flavors are mostly traditional but one of the standouts was Peruvian chocolate which was supposed to be richer than regular chocolate. I tried my standard cookies and cream and limited edition raspberry cheesecake.
Flavor: 4 scoops
The flavors were strong and the ice cream rich.
Portion to price: 3 scoops
It was a little close to standard city prices for my liking but the portions didn't skimp.
Variety: 3 scoops
All of the flavors were fairly traditional but appealed to a variety of pallets (chocolate, fruity, caramel, etc.)
Annapolis Ice Cream Company
I noticed this place because of all the stuffed penguins in the windows. They light and fun atmosphere continued inside. Customers can decorate a spoon and have it become part of display. There were pages of spoons on a flip display like at a poster store.
Because of the large flavor selection, not all the cases are visible so there are screens on the wall displaying what isn't front and center. The portion sizes were also unusual. I'd never seen a "scoop and a half" as an option. I got two scoops not realizing that any place with half a scoop as an option is going to be heavy handed with their distribution.
Flavor: 4 scoops
I got peanut butter vanilla and strawberry Oreo. The peanut butter vanilla was perfect. Rich and with a strong peanut butter taste. It overpowered the strawberry Oreo a bit but that was more my pairing.
Portion to price: 5 scoops
I got 75% of a pint of ice cream for less than a container of Ben and Jerry's. I was very satisfied.
Variety: 4 scoops
Most of the combinations are a mash-up of traditional flavors in rarely seen pairings such as strawberry and mint Oreo, maple walnut, Nutella vanilla, coconut chocolate chip, and coffee Heath bar to name a few. Some of the rarer flavors I saw were blackberry and key lime.
Capital Cakes and Cream
The shop is a bit back from the street but the sign is what brought me in. Like Kilwins, it doesn't stop at ice cream. There was a variety of cupcakes as well. I think hedging its dessert bets, CC&C was able to skip some of the cupcake fall out. All of their ice cream comes from a farm in Cecil County so when people say you're buying local, this shop means it 100%.
Small with pink paint and nice design touches, CC&C made the most of the space. The staff was very willing to let me try several samples since I had trouble making up my mind. Some of the flavors were the standard cookies and cream, cookie dough, and moose tracks but with cutesy names. For the shop pink shop with a cupcake tower, it worked.
Flavor: 4 scoops
Independence Explosion (vanilla with raspberry and blueberry swirls) was tempting but I opted for Cookie Monters (blue vanilla with Oreo, cookie dough, and additional cookies) and Mootella (a delicious chocolate-Nutella flavor).
My only complaint was that the ice cream wasn't as rich as the other two. Without the comparison to the others, it would have been a great local kind of Ben and Jerry's (they love stuff in their ice cream). But next to the others, it was a bit weak.
Portion to price: 4 scoops
I got one scoop of each flavor. After Annapolis Ice Cream Company, I was initially a little disappointed in the portion size. Then I heard the price. My first thought was "That works for me." I found the prices very reasonable in relation to the portion size.
Variety: 5 scoops
In addition to traditional flavors, CC&C has a variety of fun and interesting combos. Most of the variety is based on additions to regular flavors but they appeal to folks who like sweet or fruity. They also had two Italian ice style options.
Conclusion
Annapolis Ice Cream Company wins for overall flavor quality but CC&C has such a diverse flavor selection that it shouldn't be forgotten. It's all a matter of preferring simple and rich flavors or liking variety and add-ons in your ice cream. I say, why choose?
One of the perks of being a grown-up is deciding if you want to have ice cream as a meal. And then eating vegetables and fish for the next 2 days so your doctor won't bitch about your cholesterol.
Current Music: Wide Sargasso Sea by Stevie Nicks
I decided to test and compare. I only focused on the shops that didn't have a big brand. The cafe with Hershey's ice cream got skipped. I ranked flavor, portion to price, and flavor variety.
Kilwins
Closer to the waterfront, Kilwins has almost any sweet confection you could crave from fudge to chocolate to caramel apples. I went for the ice cream. Their flavors are mostly traditional but one of the standouts was Peruvian chocolate which was supposed to be richer than regular chocolate. I tried my standard cookies and cream and limited edition raspberry cheesecake.
Flavor: 4 scoops
The flavors were strong and the ice cream rich.
Portion to price: 3 scoops
It was a little close to standard city prices for my liking but the portions didn't skimp.
Variety: 3 scoops
All of the flavors were fairly traditional but appealed to a variety of pallets (chocolate, fruity, caramel, etc.)
Annapolis Ice Cream Company
I noticed this place because of all the stuffed penguins in the windows. They light and fun atmosphere continued inside. Customers can decorate a spoon and have it become part of display. There were pages of spoons on a flip display like at a poster store.
Because of the large flavor selection, not all the cases are visible so there are screens on the wall displaying what isn't front and center. The portion sizes were also unusual. I'd never seen a "scoop and a half" as an option. I got two scoops not realizing that any place with half a scoop as an option is going to be heavy handed with their distribution.
Flavor: 4 scoops
I got peanut butter vanilla and strawberry Oreo. The peanut butter vanilla was perfect. Rich and with a strong peanut butter taste. It overpowered the strawberry Oreo a bit but that was more my pairing.
Portion to price: 5 scoops
I got 75% of a pint of ice cream for less than a container of Ben and Jerry's. I was very satisfied.
Variety: 4 scoops
Most of the combinations are a mash-up of traditional flavors in rarely seen pairings such as strawberry and mint Oreo, maple walnut, Nutella vanilla, coconut chocolate chip, and coffee Heath bar to name a few. Some of the rarer flavors I saw were blackberry and key lime.
Capital Cakes and Cream
The shop is a bit back from the street but the sign is what brought me in. Like Kilwins, it doesn't stop at ice cream. There was a variety of cupcakes as well. I think hedging its dessert bets, CC&C was able to skip some of the cupcake fall out. All of their ice cream comes from a farm in Cecil County so when people say you're buying local, this shop means it 100%.
Small with pink paint and nice design touches, CC&C made the most of the space. The staff was very willing to let me try several samples since I had trouble making up my mind. Some of the flavors were the standard cookies and cream, cookie dough, and moose tracks but with cutesy names. For the shop pink shop with a cupcake tower, it worked.
Flavor: 4 scoops
Independence Explosion (vanilla with raspberry and blueberry swirls) was tempting but I opted for Cookie Monters (blue vanilla with Oreo, cookie dough, and additional cookies) and Mootella (a delicious chocolate-Nutella flavor).
My only complaint was that the ice cream wasn't as rich as the other two. Without the comparison to the others, it would have been a great local kind of Ben and Jerry's (they love stuff in their ice cream). But next to the others, it was a bit weak.
Portion to price: 4 scoops
I got one scoop of each flavor. After Annapolis Ice Cream Company, I was initially a little disappointed in the portion size. Then I heard the price. My first thought was "That works for me." I found the prices very reasonable in relation to the portion size.
Variety: 5 scoops
In addition to traditional flavors, CC&C has a variety of fun and interesting combos. Most of the variety is based on additions to regular flavors but they appeal to folks who like sweet or fruity. They also had two Italian ice style options.
Conclusion
Annapolis Ice Cream Company wins for overall flavor quality but CC&C has such a diverse flavor selection that it shouldn't be forgotten. It's all a matter of preferring simple and rich flavors or liking variety and add-ons in your ice cream. I say, why choose?
One of the perks of being a grown-up is deciding if you want to have ice cream as a meal. And then eating vegetables and fish for the next 2 days so your doctor won't bitch about your cholesterol.
Current Music: Wide Sargasso Sea by Stevie Nicks
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Hail Hydra: Within Temptation Concert
Last night I attended a Within Temptation concert in Baltimore. One of my favorite bands is touring the US again and are visiting locally? Yes please.
I was worried for a minute because all of my immediate go-to people for this show couldn't make it. I had to twist The Boy's arm a bit but after I played him some stuff, he was looking forward to it. Of course he got sick this weekend and I wasn't sure he'd be well enough to go. He swore he was so off to B'more to bang our heads.
I was in the merch line when the opener, Amaranthe, started and I realized two things: 1) These guys are awesome and 2) I'm too old to stand right next to a speaker. They're classified as power metal and had a great sound. I'd never heard a metal band that had a normal woman, normal man, and scream guy as vocalists. It was cool.
I was getting tired and starting to fade before Within Temptation. The second they came on the stage my energy level shot up and I was rocking out. The Boy and I had never been to a concert together before. He didn't realize I tend to enjoy them with my entire body. Who needs the gym when you can go to a concert?
Within Temptation is such a great band to watch. I love their stage presence. All of the guitar players moved around. Sharon (the lead singer) jumps and dance and twists her arm like a belly dancer during the slow numbers. The way she moves is just fantastic.
They also do a great job about connecting with their audience. You could see the different musicians and Sharon react and make eye contact with the folks in the audience. The crowd fed off their energy and they fed of the crowd's energy. There was no area they didn't perform to. They all move around the stage and acknowledged the entire audience.
Toward the end The Boy started to feel tired and achey. He told me the guitarist was making eyes at him like "Are you having a good time man?" Watching The Boy try to the rock out sign was hilarious.
I definitely felt like I connect to different members of the band more than a few times. It's one of my favorite things about Within Temptation's live shows but I think I had a few things that helped.
Ways to get the band to notice you at a metal concert:
Headbang
If you're like me and have trouble head banging, pull a Willow Smith and whip your hair around. It puts on a good show minus some dizziness.
Wear white
Everyone was wearing black including The Boy. I stood out in my white Doctor Who villain dress.
Have a better time than the people next to you
Since The Boy wasn't feeling well and I'd gotten up rather early, we opted to pay extra to get on the third level that overlooks the stage. My neighbors were there and I was rocking out like I was on the floor.
Have the time of your life
I never stopped moving. During Summertime Sadness I shimmied my hips and I maintain Sharon responded by doing so as well. She also did a reach for me during one of their slower numbers. I know one guitarist appreciated me doing my sorta head bang. They did similar stuff for one guy in the second level who was rocking out just as hard as I was.
Music: Let Us Burn by Within Temptation
I was worried for a minute because all of my immediate go-to people for this show couldn't make it. I had to twist The Boy's arm a bit but after I played him some stuff, he was looking forward to it. Of course he got sick this weekend and I wasn't sure he'd be well enough to go. He swore he was so off to B'more to bang our heads.
I was in the merch line when the opener, Amaranthe, started and I realized two things: 1) These guys are awesome and 2) I'm too old to stand right next to a speaker. They're classified as power metal and had a great sound. I'd never heard a metal band that had a normal woman, normal man, and scream guy as vocalists. It was cool.
I was getting tired and starting to fade before Within Temptation. The second they came on the stage my energy level shot up and I was rocking out. The Boy and I had never been to a concert together before. He didn't realize I tend to enjoy them with my entire body. Who needs the gym when you can go to a concert?
Within Temptation is such a great band to watch. I love their stage presence. All of the guitar players moved around. Sharon (the lead singer) jumps and dance and twists her arm like a belly dancer during the slow numbers. The way she moves is just fantastic.
They also do a great job about connecting with their audience. You could see the different musicians and Sharon react and make eye contact with the folks in the audience. The crowd fed off their energy and they fed of the crowd's energy. There was no area they didn't perform to. They all move around the stage and acknowledged the entire audience.
Toward the end The Boy started to feel tired and achey. He told me the guitarist was making eyes at him like "Are you having a good time man?" Watching The Boy try to the rock out sign was hilarious.
I definitely felt like I connect to different members of the band more than a few times. It's one of my favorite things about Within Temptation's live shows but I think I had a few things that helped.
Ways to get the band to notice you at a metal concert:
Headbang
If you're like me and have trouble head banging, pull a Willow Smith and whip your hair around. It puts on a good show minus some dizziness.
Wear white
Everyone was wearing black including The Boy. I stood out in my white Doctor Who villain dress.
Have a better time than the people next to you
Since The Boy wasn't feeling well and I'd gotten up rather early, we opted to pay extra to get on the third level that overlooks the stage. My neighbors were there and I was rocking out like I was on the floor.
Have the time of your life
I never stopped moving. During Summertime Sadness I shimmied my hips and I maintain Sharon responded by doing so as well. She also did a reach for me during one of their slower numbers. I know one guitarist appreciated me doing my sorta head bang. They did similar stuff for one guy in the second level who was rocking out just as hard as I was.
Music: Let Us Burn by Within Temptation
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Warm and Fuzzy
I dare anyone to top my morning.
We won first prize at bar trivia last night. Since trivia is near The Boy, I stayed with him last night. It was cooler and rainier than I was expecting so my sweater options were the weighs-nothing shrug or the super-warn fuzzy sweater. I chose the fuzzy sweater. I chose poorly.
While it was nice outside, it was like a down coat once I was on metro. The platform felt like ~80 degrees. I inevitably started sweating before I could get it off. I had to wear it again once I got above ground and hadn't totally cooled off from metro.
By the time I got to my desk my arms were totally covered in grey sweater fuzz. I looked like an extra from Gorillas in the Mist.
I went to the bathroom and wet paper towels did nothing. Running my arm under the sink elicited some results but I had a tank top on. It was everywhere. Someone finally took pity on me and let me go down to the gym.
I had to take a full on shower, with soap, to rid myself of all the sweater fuzz. This is my life.
We won first prize at bar trivia last night. Since trivia is near The Boy, I stayed with him last night. It was cooler and rainier than I was expecting so my sweater options were the weighs-nothing shrug or the super-warn fuzzy sweater. I chose the fuzzy sweater. I chose poorly.
While it was nice outside, it was like a down coat once I was on metro. The platform felt like ~80 degrees. I inevitably started sweating before I could get it off. I had to wear it again once I got above ground and hadn't totally cooled off from metro.
By the time I got to my desk my arms were totally covered in grey sweater fuzz. I looked like an extra from Gorillas in the Mist.
I went to the bathroom and wet paper towels did nothing. Running my arm under the sink elicited some results but I had a tank top on. It was everywhere. Someone finally took pity on me and let me go down to the gym.
I had to take a full on shower, with soap, to rid myself of all the sweater fuzz. This is my life.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Dating Advice for the Awkward
I have a lot of friends who are
nerds. Not the nerd-lite that’s trendy but the reason for the stereotype. Some
are fine in social situations but less optimal in romantic ones.
Here are some of the biggest mistakes
I’ve seen nerds and Aspies do when trying to woo a woman. Don’t be that guy.
Don’t Hover or Cling
This is one of the biggest mistakes
I’ve seen nerds do. Attraction is not a
war of attrition. You can’t make her interested by tethering yourself to her
side. You can, however, make yourself seem very creepy.
Walk Away
If you’re at a bar or out with a
group, talk to her for about 20-30 minutes and then find an excuse to walk
away. Refill your drink, go greet a friend, or talk to someone else. If she’s
still around and smiles at you when you come back, you’re in. If her face doesn’t
look happy to see you again, abort the mission.
Ask Her Out
Another huge mistake I’ve seen
repeated is guys who show clear interest in a woman and do nothing about it. We
know what exactly you want. We’re just not interested in doing your job for
you. If you’re not brave enough to ask
for it, you don’t deserve to have it.
Respect Her Answer
If she says no politely, respect her
answer. Remain friendly but don’t carry a torch or try to change her mind. It’s
desperate and ineffectual, if not a little creepy. If she rudely rebuffs you
then she wasn't that nice anyway.
Assume Her Boyfriend Is Real
I have seen guys continue to pester
a woman even after she admits to having someone else in her life. One persisted
even after meeting him. Assume all significant others mentioned are real. Either
she’s unavailable or trying to turn you down as nicely as possible.
Learn Body Language
If you’re an Aspie or have trouble
reading body language and faces, you need to learn and fast. These are some of the
biggest indicators of attraction and discomfort. YouTube has an abundance of
videos and I own a few books on the subject. I’m sure autism sites have
resources to help with that learning curve.
Dating isn’t easy for anybody but I
hope I’ve made it easier for anyone who might be ‘socially awkward.’ Good luck and may the
force be with you.
Music: Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor
Friday, September 19, 2014
The Naked Eye
Actual conversation while watching The Biggest Loser last night
The Boy: "Are those stretch marks?"
Me: "Yeah. I have them."
The Boy: "I never noticed."
Right answer! He may not buy me a lot of loot but he will say the right thing without coaching.
The Boy followed it up with "Not like that," which is true. This particular contestant looked like he had tiger stripes across his stomach. I don't know why people want to pig out when they watch the show. It makes me want to move around and exercise.
The Boy: "Are those stretch marks?"
Me: "Yeah. I have them."
The Boy: "I never noticed."
Right answer! He may not buy me a lot of loot but he will say the right thing without coaching.
The Boy followed it up with "Not like that," which is true. This particular contestant looked like he had tiger stripes across his stomach. I don't know why people want to pig out when they watch the show. It makes me want to move around and exercise.
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Cost of Temping
When your friends all have full time jobs and you're a temp, some of the differences of those situations become glaring. While I'm always glad to be working, being a temp is more expensive than most people realize.
I get paid less money
A temp automatically makes less than a full time staff person for the same job because the company has to pay the temp as well as the staffing agency. The temp gets vetted, has access to a variety of organizations, and makes good contacts but we don't make as much as full-timers until we get hired. Clearly this has yet to happen to me.
I pay for my own health insurance
I opted for a PPO which is a little higher than an HMO but I have a relationship with my doctors. Most staffing agencies offer health insurance but some only offer it if you're working. I'm with ~7 agencies so I want to be able to choose the place that offers me work.
Most full time jobs either pay for some or all of your insurance. Your rates are usually discounted and your coverage is better. You're also not getting price gouged $50 a month for your weight despite the lack of any relevant medical condition.
No transit subsidy
All of my metro costs come out of my pocket. My current gig is under what I usually like to be making and the recent metro fare hikes took a big hit on my wallet. Since the service hasn't improved, I've tried to catch a few free rides to save money.
I don't get paid leave
If I'm sick, have a doctor's appointment, or take a trip, I don't get paid. If metro has a problem and I'm an hour late, it's an hour off my pay check. I try to take shorter lunch breaks just so I can get paid for that 30 minutes.
If you're on an assignment, no one will touch you
If I'm currently working, no one from any of the other agencies will offer me work. Ditching one assignment for another from a different agency wouldn't do wonders for my reputation either. The agency currently giving me the assignment doesn't work that hard to find me a future assignment until my current gig is basically over. I still apply for full time positions but, once again, that clearly hasn't come through for me.
I don't know when I'll work again
When an assignment ends, I apply like crazy and get in touch with all the other agencies. However, despite my best efforts, I can't magically make work appear. When my current assignment is done in a couple of weeks, I don't know if and when I'll find another.
I can collect unemployment but that is always less than what I was making before. It never lessens the ever-present anxiety that comes with not working. You can't relax and enjoy it if you don't know if you'll be sitting around for a week or two months.
Being a temp is not easy financially or psychologically. I will have been doing it for a year this November. I am definitely ready for a full time job.
I get paid less money
A temp automatically makes less than a full time staff person for the same job because the company has to pay the temp as well as the staffing agency. The temp gets vetted, has access to a variety of organizations, and makes good contacts but we don't make as much as full-timers until we get hired. Clearly this has yet to happen to me.
I pay for my own health insurance
I opted for a PPO which is a little higher than an HMO but I have a relationship with my doctors. Most staffing agencies offer health insurance but some only offer it if you're working. I'm with ~7 agencies so I want to be able to choose the place that offers me work.
Most full time jobs either pay for some or all of your insurance. Your rates are usually discounted and your coverage is better. You're also not getting price gouged $50 a month for your weight despite the lack of any relevant medical condition.
No transit subsidy
All of my metro costs come out of my pocket. My current gig is under what I usually like to be making and the recent metro fare hikes took a big hit on my wallet. Since the service hasn't improved, I've tried to catch a few free rides to save money.
I don't get paid leave
If I'm sick, have a doctor's appointment, or take a trip, I don't get paid. If metro has a problem and I'm an hour late, it's an hour off my pay check. I try to take shorter lunch breaks just so I can get paid for that 30 minutes.
If you're on an assignment, no one will touch you
If I'm currently working, no one from any of the other agencies will offer me work. Ditching one assignment for another from a different agency wouldn't do wonders for my reputation either. The agency currently giving me the assignment doesn't work that hard to find me a future assignment until my current gig is basically over. I still apply for full time positions but, once again, that clearly hasn't come through for me.
I don't know when I'll work again
When an assignment ends, I apply like crazy and get in touch with all the other agencies. However, despite my best efforts, I can't magically make work appear. When my current assignment is done in a couple of weeks, I don't know if and when I'll find another.
I can collect unemployment but that is always less than what I was making before. It never lessens the ever-present anxiety that comes with not working. You can't relax and enjoy it if you don't know if you'll be sitting around for a week or two months.
Being a temp is not easy financially or psychologically. I will have been doing it for a year this November. I am definitely ready for a full time job.
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