My office had such a
steady outbreak of fertility I’m now moderately paranoid about the cooler
water. With so many people having new or young kids, I appreciate it changes
your life. I like asking about people’s kids because they love talking about
them, especially when they’re new. They’re always growing and changing and
doing/saying something ridiculous.
Most of my friends
are currently childless and unmarried so I’m saying this on behalf of them and
to remind them since they’re likely to beat me to the parenthood stuff. I like
getting updates on your baby/toddler but as a single person with dogs, you have
to appreciate that there are just some things I don’t want to hear.
Unless we are close
personal friends, I don’t want to hear about breastfeeding, pumps, milk, any of
it. I have nothing to add to a discussion about chaffed nipples but discomfort.
If I’m not regaling you with details about that wild board game weekend, we’re
not close enough to talk about your boobs.
I know that a large
part of new parenthood involves diapers, poop, and spit up. I know parents love
trading gross stories. I own dogs. As long as their bowel movements are
outside, I don’t care. My apathy towards your offspring’s bowel movements would
astound you. Unless it’s part of a larger story or I directly ask, I really don’t want to know what is coming
out of either end of your kid.
Show me pictures of
them trying to wear their Easter basket on their head in their super cute
outfit. Tell me how they spit up on your evil mother-in-law at brunch (because
that’s hilarious). Tell me the ridiculous thing they said at daycare or nice
thing they just destroyed. Babies are delightful. Just remember that there is
such a thing as TMI.
Current Music: The
Phoenix by Fall Out Boy
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