Rush Hour Revelation

I am still dating the fellow from Is It Just Us. Some of my friends have met him and like him. I like him. Things have been going well and the outlook is favorable. 

My friend said I was "in the throes of new relationship." The definition of 'being in the throes of' equates the experience with pain, suffering, and other forms of discomfort. That wasn't true until today.

Today I actually read my Groupon/Living Social emails and saw something for the Crime & Punishment museum. I bought thinking it would be something fun New Guy and I could do together. I texted him about another thing that sounded fun. Then I remembered something important.

Every Groupon/Living Social I've bought because it would be a fun date has outlived whatever relationship I was in. This has been true for the last three men I've dated. Commence the 'I just jinxed this' freak out.

Other than some standard over-thinking, I've been able to relax, have fun, and enjoy this experience. Yesterday I was fine and sending flirty texts and getting equally flirty responses. Today I'm going to get my oil changed with dread nestled comfortably in the pit of my stomach.

I knew I carried some scars but sitting in my car I thought "Wow. I am messed up." Just because you're over someone doesn't mean you're over what they did to you. I've been treated so poorly, had my heart kicked around, made to believe I wasn't special with such regularity that those cracks ran deeper than I thought.

I switched from my upbeat driving playlist to a playlist I knew would have Farther Down by Neon Trees. The song that came on right after that? The Only Exception by Paramore. This is probably my favorite love song and I don't like love songs.

Out of a 500 song playlist, that song is the one that comes on. I'm taking it as a sign that I need to not be so paranoid. This could be good for me. I'm not reading anything beyond that.

I'm sure New Guy would find it funny if I tell him this right way. He doesn't know all the crappy things various ex-boyfriends have done. I think he would be shocked to learn half of it. I'm not sure if, when, and how much he needs to know. Anything he finds out will be a little bit at a time.

Music: Break In by Halestorm