Good in Goodbye

I know someone, Bella, who was very in love with her boyfriend, Edward. They’d been almost 2 years and things were serious.

Edward’s lease was up in the spring and they had talked about moving in together. They had discussed wedding plans with both families and hoped to do it in 2014. The bridesmaids had been chosen and number of children discussed. Bella didn’t buy any plane tickets home (1,000 miles away) for Thanksgiving or Christmas because they were doing the holidays with his family (VA). She called him her Prince Charming. A lot.

Bella had a big work project that was very stressful and hectic. She'd been working on it for months. The day after it was over Edward broke up with her.

If there were problems, no one ever knew about it, possibly not even Bella. She was completely blindsided. The day before they’d been discussing Thanksgiving plans. My heart breaks for her. She not only has to grieve over a lost love but a lost future she was promised.

Despite the pain she’s in now, I have no doubt she’ll be better for it. Life has been very good to her so she hasn’t had the experiences that break us down and make us grow. I think she will learn a lot, especially about herself, and be stronger for it. When she finally gets to happy again, I have every faith she’ll meet someone who will deserve her.

Edward was never the perfect boyfriend. He dragged his feet about committing because he wanted to keep dating other people. While stringing her along, Edward neglected to mention this to Bella. He would make jokes to be edgy and shocking. It was never anything but awkward, especially for Bella. While Bella thought he was handsome, she was kind of it. Edward was definitely dating up.

I’m in a weird place because I’m not that close to Bella. I’d like to do something but I don’t know what. At the very least I’ll send her a nice note. I'm sending good juju her way.

Music: Good in Goodbye by Carrie Underwood

Don’t Be This Guy #1

My friend ‘Eliza’ dated ‘George’ a couple of years ago. It didn’t work out but they remained friends and have several friends in common. Both have dated since the split with Eliza have a couple of decent relationships and George having limited success. 

George has never had much interest in Eliza’s boyfriends. The avoidance was understandable but the regular hissyfits afterwards were tiresome. He has now taken it to a new level.

 George tried to get a group together over FB for a nerd activity. When Eliza said she wanted to bring her current boyfriend, Fitz, George, who was trying to organize the event in the first place, he said he’d rather skip it.

A friend of both is having a birthday party. He sent out a mass email with proposed dates. Eliza said which date was good for her and her current BF. George said, to everyone, that if Eliza was bringing her current BF, he wouldn’t be attending. However he could make it if it was on the day that didn’t work for Eliza.

It’s hard to see your ex in a new relationship. It sucks. I’ve been there. I went to a birthday party in a studio apartment with my ex and his date in attendance. Did I mention it was a few months after a messy breakup and I don’t particularly like him to this day? The party was fun because we avoided each other masterfully. I didn’t want to be the girl who started unnecessary drama.

If you have to avoid the happy couple, do it. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong with announcing it every time. It’s immature and obnoxious. You don’t need to broadcast your personal issue when most of us can infer that ourselves. Behavior like this starts drama and drags extra people along for the ride. Don’t be this guy.

Music: All About You by Melanie C

Rush Hour Revelation

I am still dating the fellow from Is It Just Us. Some of my friends have met him and like him. I like him. Things have been going well and the outlook is favorable. 

My friend said I was "in the throes of new relationship." The definition of 'being in the throes of' equates the experience with pain, suffering, and other forms of discomfort. That wasn't true until today.

Today I actually read my Groupon/Living Social emails and saw something for the Crime & Punishment museum. I bought thinking it would be something fun New Guy and I could do together. I texted him about another thing that sounded fun. Then I remembered something important.

Every Groupon/Living Social I've bought because it would be a fun date has outlived whatever relationship I was in. This has been true for the last three men I've dated. Commence the 'I just jinxed this' freak out.

Other than some standard over-thinking, I've been able to relax, have fun, and enjoy this experience. Yesterday I was fine and sending flirty texts and getting equally flirty responses. Today I'm going to get my oil changed with dread nestled comfortably in the pit of my stomach.

I knew I carried some scars but sitting in my car I thought "Wow. I am messed up." Just because you're over someone doesn't mean you're over what they did to you. I've been treated so poorly, had my heart kicked around, made to believe I wasn't special with such regularity that those cracks ran deeper than I thought.

I switched from my upbeat driving playlist to a playlist I knew would have Farther Down by Neon Trees. The song that came on right after that? The Only Exception by Paramore. This is probably my favorite love song and I don't like love songs.

Out of a 500 song playlist, that song is the one that comes on. I'm taking it as a sign that I need to not be so paranoid. This could be good for me. I'm not reading anything beyond that.

I'm sure New Guy would find it funny if I tell him this right way. He doesn't know all the crappy things various ex-boyfriends have done. I think he would be shocked to learn half of it. I'm not sure if, when, and how much he needs to know. Anything he finds out will be a little bit at a time.

Music: Break In by Halestorm

Anti-Love Songs

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and that means one thing for music: love songs, lots of ‘em. Compilation CDs at checkouts, iTunes discounts and themes, themes on whatever reality singing show is in season. I’m not a big fan of love songs.

Love songs are incredibly easy to write and require no firsthand experience to be decent. Diane Warren is a well known lyricist and song writer but her love life makes my dysfunctional relationships look like Harlequin novels. I could probably bang out a radio friendly love song in about an hour, feelings sold separately.

I’ve always favored songs about heartbreak because the best ones require authenticity. The pain is almost tangible. Country music is great for the songs that just rip your heart out because it’s all too much.

I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt

Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood (The music video adds another level.)

Over You by Miranda Lambert

Without a Sound by SHeDAISY

You’re Not Sorry by Taylor Swift

Letting Go by Jessica Harp

Wanted You More by Lady Antebellum

Tomorrow by Chris Young (It’s a happier goodbye song)

Other genres have some pretty good break-your-heart songs too. These are personal favorites for other genres.

I Can’t Make You Love Me by ADELE

Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

Morbid Romantic by Rachael Sage

Symphony of the Blasé by Anberlin

All I Wanted by Paramore

Mouth Shut & Heavily Broken by The Veronicas

Inside of Love by Nada Surf

The Harold Song by Ke$ha (Listen before you judge)

Winter Winds by Mumford & Sons (It seems upbeat until you read the lyrics)

I Know Exactly What I Was Thinking or Home Sweet Own Challenge Book 2

Another one down! Essays has been done in this nonfiction anthology about bad boyfriends. 

Everyone has those moments when you know a relationship is over. Each woman tells her story about one of those moments. Some are funny, some are heartbreaking, some are more than just a little pathetic, most are enjoyable.

If you’re one of those people who swap bad date stories (I swapped most awkward date stories just last night), give this one a whirl. I wish I had more to say but it’s an easy read and I found it very fun and enjoyable. Sometimes there’s not much more to it than that.

1) Fiction 

2) Nonfiction 

3) Sci-Fi 

4) Fantasy 

5) Mystery 

6) Horror 

7) Memoir/Biography 

8) Chick Lit 

9) Feminist 

10) Teen 

11) Holiday 

12) Essays – What Was I Thinking? ed. by Barbara Davilman & Liz Dubelman

13) Short Stories 

14) Library 

15) Animal 

16) Book about Books 

17) New 

18) Old 

19) Pop Science 

20) Near 

21) Far 

22) Graphic Novel 

23) Reread – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

24) Wild Card 

25) Otherworldly Creature 

26) Free 

27) Noteworthy 

28) Bestseller 

29) Themed Anthology 

30) Steampunk 

31) Movie-Book 

32) Media  

33) Travel 

34) Food 

35) Classic 

36) Humor 

37) Poetry 

38) Past 

39) Future 

40) Dystopia/Post-Apocalyptic 

41) Zombie 

42) Sports 

Current Music: It’s Time by Imagine Dragons