Genres I Typically Avoid: Christian Books

There are three big genres I avoid and since it’s coming up on time for me to address that category, I’m going to go over why I’m not a fan of those three genres. This week? Religion, more specifically, Christian books.

I’m agnostic/spiritual. While I think there’s an order to the universe, I don’t think any one religion got it exactly right. Almost all faiths have a grain of truth residing in their core belief systems that is worth finding and exploring. However, the politics of organized religion can readily obscure that.

**This post is a bit long so if you want the TL;DR, skip a bit**

My father wanted me to be Catholic like he was but it never stuck. He tried to take me to church but it was just a boring obligation where I couldn’t read and didn’t understand what was going on. I think he may have expected me to just inherently have the faith he did without having to do much of anything to explain it to me. Clearly, this plan did not work.

I wound up going to a Catholic high school because the public schools sucked and the nondenominational private schools were hella expensive. Obama sends his kids to one of them to paint you a picture. The only classes that were mandatory all 4 years were English, math, and religion. 10th grade was church history and Odin’s eye did that backfire on me. The crusades, the Borgias, the woman pope, and the fact that the Catholic church controlled most of Europe for the better part of 1,000 years soured me on the inherent divinity of that faith. Not long after this the priest sexual abuse scandal in Boston broke and all my respect for the Catholic faith was stone dead.

Between a Catholic high school and comparative mythology class in college, I noticed a lot of inconsistencies in the Bible. The two main narratives in Genesis don’t line up. Some of the ‘thou shalt nots’ contradict each other. Hell, the Old Testament and New Testament contradict how God behaves. Did he create Zoloft in between?

How about all the books that were left out by the massive editing committee of papal authority? Where they less true or divine or did they just not fit the correct political image necessary at the time? And can we please acknowledge, for once, ever, that someone, somewhere, may have fucked up a translation? It’s been a few thousand years so can we not rule that out?

What really sent me running from the faith and it’s literature wasn’t the history or politics but the people. Jesus was a nice guy who had a lot of important things to say. Some of the modern people might want to go back and reread them because something clearly got misinterpreted. Let’s modify What Would Jesus Do and replace the verb with Bomb, Torture, Rape, Kill, Shoot, Deport, Judge, or Hold a rally against?

**TL;DR start below**

Even on a smaller social scale, I have met so many Christians who are the most holier-than-thou, judgmental, and generally useless wastes of carbon. My mother worked with someone who would bog down everyone’s mail box with daily blessings full of bad gifs and clip art. The same woman wanted her house to be so Martha Stewart perfect her husband didn’t live there. She was so obsessed with her stuff that she had it written into her will that her kids can’t throw out any of her things until she’s be dead for a year.

A woman I used to work with would blast her gospel music all day, every day. If I asked her to turn it down, she ignored me and turned it up. It would have been less annoying if she didn’t constantly snap her fingers, tap her feet, and sing along. Did she care that it bothered me and distracted me from doing my job? Nope. Worshiping her god at work was more important than the comfort of others. She was just one of many catty ‘good Christian’ woman in that office who didn’t like me. One who stopped just short of openly hating me had a book about how to be a good Christian wife!

The only thing I did wrong to those woman was not tolerate their BS. The only reason they turned the other cheek was so they could gossip about other women who weren’t as devout/nice as they were. Other than church, gossip, and bad reality TV, I don’t think there was anything else that interested these women. I can think of several other examples but we’d be here all day.

I have known and currently socialize with several people of faith. It is a part of what makes them such high quality human beings. But no amount of awesome on their part can redeem the faith to the point where I’m jumping on board. I’ll respect it and be kind to those of faith who are kind to me but the sour taste runs deep.

I can’t get past all of the ugly history and horrible people tied to the Christian faith. I found a book that really spoke to me in Barnes & Noble once but seeing it labeled as Christian Fiction made me put it down. I eventually came back to it but I dragged my feet. Dear Mr. Knightley was a lovely book and it was mislabeled as Christian Fiction. Faith was only a small part of the story and by no means dominated.

Once again, I ask you, internet, if you know any Christian fiction that has plenty of story going on and doesn’t beat you over the head with Jesus?

X Marks the God

My last 2 posts have been about religion so I might as well throw out what I think about the whole Man in the Sky. I take religion like Boy Toy takes politics, a little from here, a little from there, until I have something that works for me.

My dad dragged me to church when I was young but I never understood why. I never grasped why this was important and he didn’t do the best job of explaining it. To him, I think I was just supposed to get it. My mom was never especially religious but was bothered to hear that I don’t consider myself Christian.

I am spiritual but not religious. I think most religions have a grain of truth and something worthwhile to contribute but I don’t believe any of them has it 100% right.

I always gravitated toward was the Wiccan/Pagan tradition. It predates Christianity by thousands of years and was so common that early Christians borrowed some of their rituals to garner favor for their new religion. From what I’ve seen, they’re far more accepting than Christians and the idea of respecting the house you’re in (the Earth) is a good one.

Part of me suspects the boss God and angels working in the field (the Earth) isn’t total bupkis either. With a universe as vast and beautiful as ours, it’s hard to believe that we’re the only Sims the boss deity has in the game. Like any parent, God has other things to do than stare at us all day.

Certain aspects of Eastern religions also intrigue me. I read the Tao Te Ching in high school and have read it here and there in the last few years. I also like the idea of meditation and yoga, although I’m not sure I’m the best personality to practice it. Being in tune to your body, turning off your mind, finding your center and inner peace are all good things. If we are the result of intelligent design, we should appreciate the architect.

My idea of who is running the universe is like a puzzle. I’m still making all the pieces fit but I’ve got the edges together. As for any offspring, if I marry a religious man, he can take them to church. I will tag along on occasion but I will also make sure my kids know there are other options for belief. I feel an informed choice on faith is better than blind obedience.

Music: Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer

PS - I genuinely want to revisit what Jesus has to say one of these days. But the Bible is a collection of stories with different writers, from different times, from different places, and translated a ridiculous number of times. Any bilingual person will tell you how often movie subtitles screw it up. You’re telling me we’ve done everything perfectly with every translation of this particular work ever? Be realistic. If humans are anything it’s mistake oriented.

The Bible was also edited by committee. A group of church elders sat down and decided what was going in and what was staying out. For about a thousand years the church was incredibly political so the agenda behind some of these books may not be as divine as you want to believe.

2,500 years ago, polytheism was the thing to believe. Now it’s the Judeo-Christian monotheistic tradition. Who’s to say that 3,000 years from now people won’t look at Christianity the same way we look Egyptian, Greek, or Norse gods? If religion is a big picture thing, we can’t look at it with small minds.

Flaws in the Design

Intelligent design, AKA creationism, being taught in schools has never impacted me much on the east coast. That doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion on it. This applies to public schools. If you’re shelling out the dough to send your kid to a private school, you get what you pay for.

I am completely against creationism being taught in public schools. In science, a theory is as good as a fact. Theories are more complex and multifaceted than ‘facts’ as ordinary citizens understand them. There is room for growth, research, and new pieces in a theory. Gravity is a theory and I’m fairly certain that’s not optional.

The only way it would be remotely acceptable to me is if one lesson on one day was spent going over the creation myths of all major religions. If kids must learn about God saying ‘Let there be light,’ they should also know about the turtle’s back, the world tree, what Vishnu did, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, alien creators, and any other story that arises.

Public schools are not expected to teach about Noah’s Ark, about the plagues of Egypt, or what Jesus did. Expecting them to teach anything else is ridiculous. Not every student come from a Christian house, some might even have atheists for parents. Not everyone agrees with your idea of God. I would have left that in normal font but the religious right seems immune to that concept.

Expecting a teacher to educate your child about your God is lazy on your part. Schools should teach the science we know to be true and then when your kid comes home, it’s your job to tell them differently. Explain why you disagree with this because kids will have questions. If enough people feel the way you do, have a seminar after school or at your church. Teachers work too hard to do your job for you.

Sending kids to school to teach them something contradictory is only going to confuse them. Creationism may also turn children away from science. China and India are kicking our ass at science right now and telling your kid science is wrong won’t help that.

Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I think if you want stronger Christians, don’t indoctrinate them when they’re young. Give them all the information and let them make an informed choice. Faith is stronger when ask questions and find that for your answer.

Music: Rest Calm by Nightwish

Lost & Found Religion: I Lost It, Someone Else Found It

My mother’s tagline lately has been “I don’t know why you’re so anti-religious.” Let me start off by saying that I’m not. I think being religious can be a very good thing for a lot of people. If it helps you find fulfillment and makes you a better person, it’s doing its job. If you’re using it as an excuse to act superior, you need to work on your reading comprehension skills.

What my mother means is that I’m not pro-Jesus. One big thing about me is that if I don’t like something right away and you try to force it on me, I will quickly want nothing to do with it. On more than one occasion I’ve wanted to thumb through the Bible, as a literary curiosity not a spiritual awakening. Inevitably someone at my office will do or say something that makes me go “Never mind.”

There’s a woman at my job I’ll call Rude Bitch. She hates me and I have no idea why. Recently I tried to be nicer to her. RB was a few steps behind me one day so I held the door. She did not say a word to me. I saw her in the break room one morning and said “Good morning” to her. RB would not even look at me. She doesn’t even pretend at civility. The only people I’ve ever seen her be nice to are other church-going black women like herself. I even heard her talking about a book on being a good Christian wife.

Another woman at my job lives and breathes her church. Aside from watching bad reality TV, this woman has little else in her life. I swear to Cthulhu sometimes she says Lord, God, or Jesus just to fill silence. She gets my name wrong after 3 years and looks down her nose at me. My mother worked with a similar woman. I don’t think Jesus said “Thou shalt act superior to nonbelievers” so much as “Judge not lest ye be judged.”

I can name two friends of mine who go to church every Sunday but we can talk about other things, they don’t judge, and they’re a high quality of people. We can have discussion about religion. I was casual friends with a girl in college who was an incredibly sweet person and a devout Christian. One of the best roommates I ever had went home to attend church where her parents were ministers.

If I met more people like this, I’d have a better view of Christianity. Instead I get adult women who act like they’re the alpha clique in high school. We have creationists who insist that be taught instead of evolution but not any other religious creation stories, just theirs. There are political sects that believe a woman shouldn’t have a right to choose because of their religion. Whether or not the woman believes in their version of God is irrelevant. Whatever happened to hate the sin, love the sinner and love thy neighbor? Did God send down a memo that you get to pick and choose now?

Maybe my mom is from a different era but she acts like the fact that I’m not down with Jesus means she did something wrong. If not being Christian makes me a bad person, then I’ll borrow a quote from Supernatural, “If I’m going to hell, I’m going honest.”

I’m spiritual, not religious, because I don’t think any one religion has it absolutely right. My idea of God is closer to the Judeo-Christian idea but calling myself Christian just to placate my mother is disrespectful to the people that do believe and practice their faith. I think people who practice what they preach need to find ways to get their voice out there more. We need to have more dialogues about religion, faith, and middle grounds without hatred or judgment. I know that side of the faith is out there somewhere. I just don’t see it very much.

Music: Losing My Religion by Lacuna Coil

Get God or Get Gone

There’s a new pope. I don’t know if he’s said this in the past or as the new pope but he came out saying that marriage equality is a device used by the Prince of Lies to distract us from God’s message. (I’m paraphrasing but not by as much as you’d think.) I’m glad they finally got a pope who’s from somewhere other than Europe. Now they just need to get one from this century.

If the Catholic Church comes out against gay marriage, what else is new? Blaming it on Satan? Really? I think Lucifer has some civil wars in Africa and human right’s violations in Asia he’s pretty busy with at the moment. Maybe he can work with the gays when his schedule frees up.

It comes across as hypocritical since the Catholic Church spent a good bit of the 20^th century sponsoring the Pedophile Relocation Program. Two consenting adults getting married offends god because they’re the wrong gender but grown men of the cloth can touch little boys and that’s cool. I’m sure the Council of Nicea had a footnote in the Bible about protecting your own over the welfare of innocent children.

I have very little respect for the Catholic Church as an institution. These days the Vatican is a country within a city but for the better part of 1,000 years that church owned half of Europe. For centuries popes fathered children, sponsored bloody political coups, started crusades that tortured and slaughtered nonbelievers, and lavished themselves in decadence while others starved.

The Catholic Church has worked hard to tear down science for most of its prominence. It’s still working on that and probably will be for many years to come. The Catholic Church considers many women’s rights issues to be sins or crimes against God. As much hate as they have for women, it took them a while to notice one was in charge.

I know most of this because I went to a catholic high school and sat through a year of church history. The teacher was cool so I remember more than a bit. Boy did that backfire.

I’m sure the Catholic Church does plenty of good in the world. They have lots of programs and outreach and aid for places that might not otherwise get anything. I just question the quality of place that can have so much negative history and is all too happy to pretend it never happened.

I can already hear people saying that the pope is not responsible for the actions of every church official. If the head doesn’t know what the hands or feet are doing, what kind of organization are you running? If America starts some shit in another country, the President is responsible. If a corporation does something horrible, it’s on the people running it.

I know people who are Catholics who are decent human beings. I respect them and their faith in God. I don’t have to respect their faith or its leaders. IMHO, there are places to worship the holy trio that would be less offensive to Jesus.

Current Music: Losing My Religion by Lacuna Coil