Can't Have It All

Sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to have everything in my life go right. My social life and love life are going very well. My family has stabilized but it leaves something to be desired. My professional life is still really crappy.

I had one reoccurring temp gig but that would last, at max, another 8 weeks. I interviewed for another temp position that would last indefinitely. It has no shot at ever turning into a permanent position but I wouldn’t have to worry about an end date.

Every temp to perm or perm interview I’ve had has either been canceled or I’m stilling waiting to hear back. I interviewed at one place 4 times over a month ago. Apparently I’m still up for consideration. The organization has definitely dipped in my estimation after all this.

I’m skeptical the one staffing agency wants to keep dealing with me so I’m going to give that a while before I get back in touch. The staffing agency who got me the gig won’t be doing much for me. Any job prospects I find I’ll have to generate. Oh goody.

I always thought the phrase “You can’t have it all” related to working moms with lazy husbands. For me it’s actually getting my life together.

Music: Let It Go by Idina Menzel

Bro Hoof

I don’t get Bronies so I watched a documentary to try and understand them better. I’ve watched the show and I think it’s well written with a high production value and excellent moral message. I’m not bashing the show. 

What I don’t understand is the intense devotion and excitement bronies feel about the show. But they probably feel the same way about Warehouse 13, Doctor Who, or Star Trek so the fandoms can agree to disagree as long as they show respect. That’s what the whole documentary was about.

Despite the negative PR, bronies are not 30-something unemployed losers living in their mothers basements. The average age is 20 and most have a higher education. They’ve also raised thousands of dollars for charity.

One was a biologist from Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia. One of the brony cons had a military breakfast. The voice actress for Twilight Sparkle handed out autographed slap bracelets. I saw at least 3 couples. One girl had cancer and talked about how the show made her feel better. Another brony had Asperger’s and MLP helped him relate to other people.

John de Lancie (Q from Star Trek) voiced a popular villain in MLP:FIM. He was very gracious to his brony fans. One of the younger bronies, Lyle, emailed him about how nervous he was to have his dad at the con. John de Lancie introduced Lyle’s conservative father to a dad who supported his son. I thought that was really nice.

If the documentary taught me anything it’s that bronies travel hundreds or thousands of miles to find someone who can relate to them. To have the freedom to geek out in a safe place because many are judged very harshly.

I don’t think I’ll ever ‘get’ the big deal for bronies but it’s a fandom with a moral lesson that promotes teamwork. One of the European couples got engaged and continue to make merchandise together. Lyle’s dad watched an episode and liked it. One guy turned his laser video techniques into a full-time business. The documentary raised my opinion of bronies as a whole and made me smile. It’s worth a watch if you’re curious about the culture.

Ditch the Attitude

There’s a weekly MeetUp I’m a huge fan of.  I met The Boy there and several awesome new friends. A local concert venue/bar does drink specials and an episode of Popular Fandom Show. It’s not exclusive to MeetUp but we usually bring 15-30 people each week

We chill for the Happy Hour, watch an episode, and then proceed to a nearby bar.  It is often Same Bar because we’re a big group and they can accommodate us with no notice on a Friday night. Given the variety of venues DC has to offer, some people want to try new places. Tensions have started arising because of the lack of overlap between people who complain about Same Bar every week and the people who suggest new places.

This was discussed in the comment section of last week’s event.  Ira said he wanted to go somewhere else.  Alec replied that if he can find a bar that can take 30 people with no notice on a Friday, we were all ears. (Alec later included a link to a new place.) I commented that I 100% agreed with him and was tired of people complaining without offering any alternatives.

A girl who either just started coming in the last few weeks or was coming with the MeetUp the first time (most of us had never met her before), replied “The people who complain about just ditch you guys anyway.” She added, “The people who go to Same Bar at least.” I don’t think the clarification was necessary but thanks for the added bitchiness.

I have a problem with New Bitch. She strikes me as someone who frequently has problems with other people but has no idea why. She hasn’t learned that it’s not what you say but how you say it. In this case, she said it in a way that offended at least three people.  NB is either lacking maturity, social grace, or both.

This was confirmed when Connor jumped in to say that bickering and animosity won’t solving anything. New Bitch said, “I didn’t see any animosity.” Really? Cause I think you were the only one.

Nobody likes complainers. If you would rather complain and ‘ditch’ everyone when we don’t do what you want, you come across as an entitled mean girl from 10^th grade. If you want to offer useful suggestions and ‘do your own thing’ if you dislike the group’s decision, that’s fine.

I prefer a cheaper venue than the usual one for any pre-event gathering. I don’t bitch but just go somewhere else and meet the group later. One post-event place we tried as tapas. It was nice but pricey. The Boy and I defected to Same Bar after an hour or two of socializing. Several others followed.

I have no idea what this week will bring but I’m hoping for limited drama this time around. I don’t foresee New Bitch becoming a regular.

Roll the Dice

I spend entirely too much time on GoodReads. It’s a fun site with quizzes, quotes, giveaways, and even games. There are groups that do a book challenges and reading circles. It’s a great place to connect with readers and writers.

The main quiz they have is the never-ending book quiz. Anyone can add a question. I recently answered a slew of questions about literary terms definitely poster by a professor. most of the questions I’ve added are about the books I’ve read.

One question I wrote was about Go to Hell. Spoiler Alert but it’s part of the question. The protagonist must play a game for his soul. What game does he play?

The options were Chess, Monopoly, Words with Friends, and Settlers of Catan. The number of people who guessed Words with Friends is over 50%. Given the name of the novel, I find this highly amusing.

Music: Jesse Hold On by B*Witched

'Interview'

I got cold called yesterday about a job prospect. The guy called me up out of the blue to talk to me about positions at his company. They experienced a lot of growth and were looking to hire for several positions.

When I asked for more information about the position, he was very vague. I figured an interview was an interview but I was skeptical.

Apparently he could sense my skepticism because he informed me “If we say yes to you we’re saying no to someone else.” You’re admonishing me before I even have the job? Good sign.

I went and it turns out, they were saying no to someone else because they called in ~30 people. They’re doing this again tomorrow because that was the other time he gave me. They were even pulling people in 2 at a time for the preliminary interview.

Those lasted about 10 minutes before they herded us all into a room to listen to 4 different people sell us on why we should want this job. The product is decent and the growth numbers are undeniable but a license is required in my state to sell what you’re selling. Yes, it was definitely a sales type role, they just called it something else.

If the presentation was true, the money could be very good, I would just have to do a lot of driving and working during the evenings as opposed to having a life. I would also be selling something people don’t need on an average day. I left knowing what it's like to sit through a timeshare presentation.

I’m getting calls and interviews so something is bound to come up eventually. The way life has been going lately, any time away from the house is time well spent.

Music: The End Is the Beginning by Two Steps from Hell

Memorial to Jersey Wooly

Jersey Wooly was a pink and white rabbit I had as a kid. He was a gift from my grandmother, probably resulting in the name. He was a little larger than your average rabbit and was very huggable despite the slightly ornery expression.

I was going through some old stuffed animals recently. All of them were in pretty good shape since I took care of my toys. I had to narrow down what I wanted to keep especially since I was adding a few from my room I wanted to keep. The goal was to make more space for my future by minimizing stuff from my past.

While I liked Jersey Wooly, there were several other stuffed animals I was more attached to like Big Bear who got considerably smaller as I got older or Pockets, a teddy bear who could tuck his hands into his built-in pockets. I also packed away the dog that talked. If you poked his belly he’d say “That tickles” and if you pulled his tail he’d say “That hurts.” With the goofy voice it was pretty awesome when I was 4.

Jersey Wooly, along with several other toys, went to Good Will today. He was a good stuffed animal and I hope he makes some other kid very happy. Jersey Wooly, you were a good bunny. May yours and all the other toys final days be full of hugs and happiness.

Music: Safe and Sound feat. The Civil Wars by Taylor Swift

PS - Yes, I was the weird kid who got choked up by the island of misfit toys during Rudolph

Every Happy Family...

…can bite me.

I thought since the holidays were over things might pick up in the areas of my life that have been lacking. Job-wise it has improved but not in the way I’d hoped. I have a one day a week assignment from now until March and they asked for me by name. I’m up for 10-15 hours a week as an editorial assistant for 6 months. 

That former just brought a temp on permanently so it’s not out of the question. The once a week place worked with my before the holidays and said they’d recommend me to anyone. I had a phone interview for a temp-to-perm last week but they haven’t heard anything back yet.

The temporary positions are good but not great. I really wanted something full-time so that I could move to a dwelling that isn’t rampant with emotional land mines.

The Boy and I were around the families this weekend because he had a family thing and I was invited. I knew this would set my mother off but I wasn’t sure by how much. Sunday morning was the first time she ever admitted that she disliked how much time I was spending with The Boy’s family and how little was spent with her.

It was the closest we’ve come to progress since this misery started. I’ll admit to avoiding one invitation to do something. Since I ruined Christmas and am the reason we’re having these problems, my lack of enthusiasm is merited. Rather than a opportunity for improvement, I said one wrong thing and things escalated quickly.

Sunday we had dinner with The Boy’s family and I let that slip. My mom thought we went back to his place. I told her we didn’t have plans for dinner because when she asked, we didn’t. That information had things go from pleasant to Christmas all over again.

My mother is deeply hurt by my insensitivity. She is incredibly ashamed and disappointed to have me as her daughter. “I hate who you have become” because of The Boy. “You have made this house so miserable I look for excuses not to be home.”

That last one made me jump in with “Well, now you know how I feel.” I told her I never know what I’ll be coming home to and I don’t know what I’ll say that will set her off. I regret not lying about what we did for dinner. Even if I left The Boy, it wouldn’t fix anything because she’d hate whoever else came next just as much. She never asks for what she wants; I’m just supposed to know. 

My mother corrected me that she asks but I don’t listen. Sunday you want to spend more time with me and The Boy. Monday I’m the most despicable person alive and you want me out of your life. 

At some point I threw in that psychologists exist to deal with this crap. “Do you honestly thing that will make a difference?” It beats the hell out of what we’re doing right now. More hurtful and destructive words were exchanged and I was informed of something I already knew: I shouldn’t live here anymore.

I want to run screaming from this house. I hate living with her like this but I have no job, no income, no way out. I can spend some time with The Boy but it’s a stop-gap measure. I need a job if I’m ever going to afford to get out of here. 

Spelling Trouble

I don’t think I ever admitted this before in print but I’m kind of a fan of Tori Spelling. I’ve never seen 90210 or any of her movies. I got to know her once she started making her living off her own life.

I read her first book when I was in college. It was a her first tell-all including details about her feud with her mother. It was a BFD at the time. Home on break I discovered her Oxygen reality show. It became my go-to trash TV. 

Unlike The Hills or The Kardashians which were big at the time, Tori Spelling didn’t seem like a privileged brat. She always seemed gracious, sweet, and very down-to-earth for Aarond Spelling’s daughter. She seemed like she’d be a good friend and fun.

I have no doubt she’s more into fashion than literature or feminism but I have to respect how hard she works. She has a variety of professional endeavors that she had to balance with marriage and a family. I’m sure she’s clueless to some of what us normal folk do but she’s not a bad person. 

I was in the grocery store with The Boy recently when I saw Us weekly talking about Dean McDermott’s one night stand. I don’t know what level of truth there is here but it doesn’t seem impossible.

Spelling often described her husband as her soulmate and Prince Charming, not unlike Bella from a few entires ago. Tori may have spread herself too thin with work or been too devoted to her children giving only what little was left to her marriage. It may be the lack of sex that results from having 4 young children.

Some of the tabloid sites are saying that Tori doesn’t want to leave because of their four kids and her image. Much of her current brand is related to her being a wife and mother. If that falls apart, she’ll have to reinvent herself or risk loosing a big part of her career.

In the final seasons of their show Tori let the world see the problems arising in her marriage. Relationships ebb and flow and couples fight. However back in May she was saying how glad she was her marriage to her soulmate never had the seven year itch.

Every couple has its problems and no one can really know what goes on in a marriage except the people in it. But as a nosey pop culture junkie, I can poke around what’s out there. I still have her first book and got the next two from an evil online retailer with amazing prices. I’ll get the fourth from the library.

Am I terrible for wanting to delve more into her life as she’s facing a huge personal crisis? Or is that just the risk when you make you living off your reality being someone else’s entertainment?

Music: Dirty Laundry by Lisa Presley

To Game or to Read; That Is the Question.

I’ve never been a gamer. My first video game other than a Tetris app was earlier this week. After hearing a fellow non-video gamer say she played and liked Portal, I thought I’d try it. Several people told me it’s fast and easy. You are a devious bunch of liars.

I’ve wanted to cuss out Portal twice since I got it. The levels that get me stymied require I create a portal then create a new one, pass through it, and do something. Did I mention all that has to be done in about 3 seconds?

Levels like that have stymied me twice now. I only got past the first one because I cheated and looked up a play through on YouTube (I was doing the right thing in the wrong order so the timing was off). This is the second break I’ve taken from the game because I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do.

One of the reasons I always avoided video games was that I could easily see myself getting frustrated and wanting to quit. Many make it difficult to figure out what exactly it wants you to do and looking it up risks spoilers. I don’t care that deeply about spoilers here. I know the cake is a lie. It still doesn’t mean I nail the timing the first 10 tries.

My other excuse is that I love to read and video games and reading are both big time drains. Having tried both, reading still wins hands down. When I played Portal, I enjoyed it but I would look up and wonder where the time went. When that happens with a book, there’s so much more I’ve absorbed, so much more going on in my head that I feel more fulfilled. I’ll eventually go back and finish the damn level in Portal because I’m stubborn but until that urge arises, I’ll get back to my latest book.

Music: Me and Alan Moore’s Beard by Mikey Mason

Peruse This!

There have been many articles, blogs and rants about words people hate. Moist usually tops the charts although I’ve heard a good bit about panties. I have a word I now immensely dislike and it’s not because it sounds strange or makes people uncomfortable.

Peruse is an intelligent sounding word. It is not close to any words we considered profane or unpleasant. You hear it quite often in pop culture mediums. The problem is that I’ve only heard one pop culture medium use it properly (Gilmore Girls). I got into a argument with most of a writing workshop in college because the writer was using ‘peruse’ correctly; both the dictionary and I were wrong. 

Back when Gilmore Girls aired and I was in college, peruse only had one meaning: to examine or read in a very careful manner. If you were perusing, you were reading in detail and with focus. Around the same time I read an article about lexicographers (dictionary writers) that made a point how language is a constantly changing and evolving thing. (They also universally hate the word irregardless but that’s a fun non sequitur.)

Peruse has been modified to have two meanings. The one above and “to look at or read in an informal or relaxed way.” Peruse has meant the latter to most people for as long as I can remember. It still maintains its original meaning as well as its common usage meaning the two definitions are completely contradictory.

I cannot abide a word with a contradictory definition and it is henceforth stricken from my vocabulary. I’ve always considered peruse to be like bemuse, it never quite sounded like what it meant. It won’t be too long before it no longer means to read thoroughly. I can live with a word changing over time due to popular usage but until it makes up its mind, I’ll decipher and examine or skim and flip through.

Music: Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) by Reverse Osmosis

All She Needed Was a Little Dog

I got some practical gloves and a stylish scarf from my aunt for Christmas. The gloves didn’t fit and the scarf had sequins which I don’t like the feel of on my neck so I went to Nordstrom to exchange them.

You know the stereotype of icy rich bitch with fur coat and severe look on her face? I saw her in the handbag department today. She was in her sixties, dark yet muted red lips with her dark hair in an up ‘do and not a single hair out of place. She had on a dark brown fur coat and sported a facial expression you usually see on teachers about to hit you with rulers. I really wish I could have gotten a photo of her without her noticing. She was such a perfect stereotype.

In case you were wondering I swapped the scarf and gloves for a light yet warm asymmetric purple jacket/sweater thing and a tank top I found on clearance for $11.90. For something that cheap in Nordstrom you almost have to get it on principle.

Music: Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones