Tuesday, May 12, 2015

PopSugar Reading Challenge Book 17 or So Much Stupid

For a book that got bad reviews, I went whole hog and read The Feminist and the Cowboy by Alisa Valdes. I was always curious but I shied away once the negative reviews start pouring in both before and after it came out the relationship ended. This book earned every negative review.

This is definitely one of the worst books I have ever read. If you want to appreciate how much I hated it, feel free to look at my status updates on GoodReads.

I’m going to start with why I hated it. The fact that she calls herself a feminist is insulting to me and everyone else who believes feminism is a fight for equality. Here are some of her thoughts on feminism:

Like so many children of second-wave feminism, I began to subconsciously equate being the dominator with being free.”

I had been, for my parents, less a daughter than I was a chance to create a brave new deserialized female citizen immune to discrimination. I was not alone; there were millions like me. I was one in a confused, skirtless army of girl Frankensteins, the first postfeminist prototypes of the All-American un-Girl.

"I was really good at blaming men for my shortcomings as a person."

"I was so insanely radical that I couldn't honestly imagine being sexual with men because it seemed like such a betrayal of the cause to, like, open up and let them in."

That last one is so incredibly not normal. If you feel that being heterosexual and having a relationship makes you a traitor to feminism, you need so much therapy. Of course her interpretation of feminism screwed up her life. It has precious little to do with actual feminism.

Despite her own issues, Valdes spends a great deal of time researching how men and women are fundamentally different. None of the information is cited for our benefit but it was enough to fuel her to become a ‘difference feminist’ who has its ideas rooted in the Catholic Church. If your feminism is based in tenants from a religion that is notoriously for negative attitudes toward women, you may want to ask some serious questions about what you actually believe.

At one point Valdes catches the cowboy in a lie he told so smoothly that it’s close to sociopath levels of deception. When she calls the other woman to get the full story, he’s upset that no only has he been caught in a lie, he’s been caught in all of it. When Valdes dares to speak to the other woman again, the cowboy goes from ‘I’ll do anything to fix this’ (except end things with the other woman while you can witness it, let’s not get carried away) to ‘we’re done’ in a matter of hours.

That is gloriously manipulative. He’s willing to do anything to salvage the relationship (so long as it’s on his terms) but when Valdes ‘makes a mistake’ he completely flips the situation so it’s her fault. I have been on the other side of this. It’s a way for him to get out of trouble for half the cost of his original sin.

He only agrees to take her back if he’s in totally control of the relationship. He wants to take care of her and be the strong, traditional man. The fact that he wasn’t interested in listening to her or negotiating is irrelevant.

Why did it get so many bad reviews other than the obvious? Because the relationship was over by the time the book came out because he physically abused her. It’s been well documented by Jezebel, Slate, Salon and New York Magazine.


I’ve read books with worse writing (although this book cracks the top 10) but I hate this one so much more. Valdes perpetuates negative stereotypes about feminists and showcases an unhealthy relationship as a good goal. I hope nobody ever wastes money on this insult to the written word again. I am impressed by how much I hated this book.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

#HowToSpotAFeminist

#HowToSpotAFeminist is trending on Twitter. It is a lovely mix of things that make you want to quit the internet and give you hope. I have no idea why there is so much vitriol still surrounding this word. Do the trolls realize that attacking us on Twitter is not only not changing minds but justifying what we believe in?

Some lovely examples of why I don't want to live on this planet anymore:










There was one gem of a user I saw last night that I can't find again but that's probably for the best. He was kind of a horrible human being. Ms. Medina isn't much better. I smell an MRA.

Saying that all feminists fit into the erroneous and ugly stereotypes perpetuated above is like saying everyone who is pro-GamerGate is a doxing, hateful troll who believes in sending death and rape threats to women who dare have opinions. 

GamerGate is about ethics in video game journalism like Nazism was about politics. Not the most PC comparison but I have yet to come up with anything better. I digress.

Whenever there is hate, feminists will rise to the occasion. We're kind of used to pointless venom from the ignorant masses so we broke out the sass.












I like to think of this kind of stuff as Caitlin Moran's 'broken windows' feminist activism. If you can change some of the base things (while more qualified elected officials work on the big things), you can slowly start to change minds. Here's hoping she's right.

Music: TKO by Le Tigre

A Graphic Year Week 18

For this week’s graphic novel, I read Jesus Hates Zombies: It’s a Jurassic Kind of Life, Vol. 1 and 2. I picked this up at a very small con a while back. Do I really need to explain why?

I came into this story in the middle without totally realizing it. There were several previous stories involving the adventures of Jesus and Abraham Lincoln. It was very intriguing but because they’re so short, I’m only getting a piece of a larger story.

I did some poking around the web but I can’t seem to find what happens after Vol. 2, which is disappointing. I can find some of the earlier parts of the series but nothing after what I’ve got. I even checked the website of the comic publisher but didn’t anything new.


It was fun and just a bit silly given how farfetched it became. I really wanted to see what was tying it all together.

Monday, May 4, 2015

PopSugar Challenge Book 16 or Everything to Envy

When I decided to read a book that takes place in another country, I decided to go as far away as a book could take me. North Korea is home to a mostly dead political system and a way of life Americans can only understand by reading books like this or 1984.

I find North Korean utterly fascinating because, as an American, it's a completely alien world. I met a South African who talked about getting a book here because it was banned back home. I can't wrap my head around what it's like to be denied access to any media or not be able to find any food in your country.

I love the duality of the title. The lives of many North Koreans, especially during the famine in the 90s, is nothing to envy. It is also the refrain of a song in support of the benevolent leader who ensures they have nothing to envy from the rest of the world. 

What pushed one of the people in the book to decide to defect was a starving boy singing that song. A North Korean doctor tossed the border to China to discover that dogs were eating better than she was. 

One woman who defected at the behest of her daughter was nostalgic for the free health care before the regime went to hell in the 90s. It's the same kind of simplicity in knowing your role and place in the world I read about in Wayward Vol 1. Demick notes that many defectors don't know what to do with their new found freedom and 50 years of technological advances they've missed out on.

The epilogue details the continued hardship the North Korean populace still face. The economy has collapsed and no one in the country seems to have been well fed in the last 20 years. I learned there's a strong market for crystal meth since it's cheap and an appetite suppressant. 

I'm sure there have been changes since this book was published in 2009 but I can't imagine the mystery that is Kim Jong-un can fix everything. I'd like to do more reading but I suspect I may see the fall of North Korea.


Thursday, April 30, 2015

April Shopfessions



Clothing
Up in the Sky tank - $19.60
Vitruvian Weeping Angel - $19.60
Torrid tank - $40
Torrid top - $45
Hot Topic shipping - $4.99
Hot Topic sales tax - $4.63

Books
Comics - $50
Comics - $34

Makeup
Shiro Lip Color - $8.00
Lingered in Twilight mini jar - $3.50
Team Rocket mini jar - $3.50
Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist full jar - $6.00
Shipping - $2.75

MISC
Chain maille supplies - $16.20
Amish Market treats - $10
Rita's treat - $6.27
Kramer's Splurge - $59.11


The tank tops I can kind of justify in that I either all I had was either spaghetti strap tanks or work friendly tanks. I'd refrained from getting the Up tank previously and regretted it a few times. I picked it up on sale with a few other options.

I returned two out of four because the Supernatural one was damaged. After I sent it back to be returned, I got a stock email saying it was no longer available and I wouldn't be charged for it. Considering I already paid for it, I sure as hell hope so. I wound up going to a store I knew would have it and buying it there.

I still can't get anyone to talk to me but I know my credit card hasn't been reimbursed. I'm dealing with Hot Topic through the store. It helps to have an actual person hear your complaints rather than shouting into cyberspace. I'm leaving that expense off until it gets resolved.

In Torrid I bought two challis tops. I'm addicted to that fabric and cannot be left around temptation. Both would work for a job (when I finally get another one) or the weekend.

I supported my local comic shop with Lumberjanes Vol. 1, Deadpool's Wedding, Chester 5000 XYV, Part-Time Princesses, Wayward Vol 1, Strong Female Protagonist, and The Monster Hunter's Survival Guide. I finally found something from Zenoscope that wasn't soft core porn.

I had a sample of Genius... eye shadow and it's become my default shade of copper. I added a couple of new colors in there since I don't have much variety at the moment. The lip color is for a cosplay.

While I could have found other maille projects to work on, I wanted to be able to get a few easier ones done. It gave me a sense of accomplishment while working on getting a new job. Not much of an excuse but I stuck to the plan of working with what I had for the rest of it.

Some of the things that were left off were necessary like Microsoft Office for Mac, Mother's Day gift, and birthday presents. I think my biggest problem is avoiding temptation.

I'm only good until I get around temptation which isn't very good at all. I need to work on avoiding temptation and getting better at being around it without going nuts. My grand total for the month is $333.15. I think part of the problem is that I get bored and shopping is a viable option. I need to make it less viable.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

A Graphic Year Week 17

For my graphic novel this week, I read Hazed by Mark Sable and Robbi Rodriguez. The back says, “Hazed is to comics what Heathers are to film.” I could not think of a better description.

Both Hazed and Heathers are black comedies that make light of serious subjects like bulimia, alcohol poisoning, surgery, suicide, hazing, and consequences of unsafe sex. I left both thinking, “That was mildly entertaining but what was the point of it?”

It came close to touching on real issues like date rape and women taking control of their sexuality but quickly flipped them to satire rather than make a real point. If you don’t know what’s being joked about going in, you’ll miss it entirely. I like black humor but this was not my style.


I really wish I had more to say but it all boils down to if you liked Heathers, you’ll love this. Otherwise, it was OK.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Opening GamerGate: Just the Facts

Opening GamerGate: Just the Facts

The argument I made is that facts don’t exist in a vacuum. We have to consider the society that goes into them. The tone of this piece screams Men’s Rights Activists. I’m already going in with minds fairly set against mine but these lack complete context.



Lifespan
A popular theory about why men have shorter lifespans is the forced stoicism forced on American men. Men aren't supposed to cry or be depressed. They get angry, chill, or happy. God forbid a man ever sheds a tear. The stress of a lifetime of internalizing emotion can cause a lot wear and tear on a body. Keeping a lid on your emotions doesn't help the individual or our society's problematic definition of what it means to 'be a man.'

Another factor that could contribute to shorter lifespans is how we socialize our kids. Boys are permitted to be adventurous while girls are trained to be more demure. "Boys will be boys" vs. "That's not ladylike." This may be why I've never heard a woman tell a story involving shenanigans and fireworks.

Politics
Electing someone into power does not make anyone have a servant/master relationship. The language here is inherently flawed.

Secondly, there are not enough women running for political office on a variety of levels. Social change happens when the underrepresented group is given a voice in a situation where change can happen. Latinos are expected to outnumber white Americans in the near future but they are still an underrepresented group where it truly matters. Sheer numbers do not equal power.

Education
Women do not ‘control’ education. Teaching has long been considered a pink-collar profession and therefore is underpaid and undervalued. Some men don’t go into teaching because it doesn’t pay well or is considered ‘women’s work.’

The ‘power’ here is not in the numbers alone. How many women are on the school board? How many are principals? What about the Secretary of Education? Are women making the funding and hiring decisions? What about university presidents and deans? Teachers are fairly low on the power structure of how education decisions get made.

Reproduction
That number is completely false. I would like to know where whoever wrote this got that number.

Having a uterus doesn’t not inherently give us control. Many states are trying to ban abortion or stopping just short. Other states want to or have installed a 24 waiting period. Anyone who is making the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not doing this willy-nilly. It’s a way to stick it to poor women who have limited resources, time, and money to get to the locations that provide the service.

Many other states allow a pharmacist to refuse to fill prescriptions for Plan-B or birth control based on their religious beliefs. Some politicians lobbying against women and reproductive rights have actually put little thought into why women want them. That is terrifying.

The personhood amendments that have been bouncing around the south the last few years would give more power to the fetus growing inside the woman than the woman carrying it around. They would deny the right of the human woman in favor of a fetus.

Again facts don’t exist in a vacuum. Many women receiving abortions are mothers. Should a woman stop having sex with her husband because the pharmacist denied her the right to make decisions about her family?

Genital Integrity
Female genital mutilation is illegal in America. It is still a routine practice in many undeveloped countries.

‘Male genital mutilation’ or circumcision is a decision made by parents for infant sons. It is considered necessary by the standard of some major religions. Other parents do it so father and son will match. I suspect it historically became popular for regions surrounding ideas about hygiene but I’m not an expert. It has retained popularity in western cultures but many are choosing not to circumcise.

This procedure almost always occurs when the male is still an infant and retains no memory of the event or pain. Some men retroactively take issue with this decision being made for them. If I have a son, I plan to leave that choice to the father.

Female genital mutilation is almost always done when the girl is old enough to remember the pain and trauma. Since it’s done in less developed nations, the healthcare surrounding it is not nearly as good as an infant’s circumcision.

Judiciary
Two words: Prove. It.

If it is happening systematically, where are the numbers? What is the evidence? Don’t just give me personal rants and casual observation. If it’s systematic, there is a paper trail and documentation to support your argument. Find it.

Based on casual observation alone, mothers are generally favored because women are the nurturers in this culture. It’s how society sets the dynamic for men to be the breadwinners and women to be the caregivers. This has been the system for hundreds of years and that doesn’t change overnight.

I have heard plenty of stories of reasonable joint custody arrangements or fathers getting custody. If the men in this case are spouting hateful vitriol toward women, especially the child’s mother, the court will favor the more neutral party.

As for prison, are the men doing all this hard time white? The oppressed men in prison statistics are almost always racial minorities. MRAs are almost always white men. Facts don’t exist in a vacuum. This presentation ignores the racial and socioeconomic context that goes into prison sentencing.

Social
This is a casual, observational statistic with no sociological evidence to back it up. If it exists, I would love to see it.

This argument also lacks all context of what is meant by behavior and clothing. Is it the standard of girl’s shorts getting a 1-inch inseam to a boy’s 6-inch inseam. Mothers and young girls didn’t decide that and are fighting against the limited options.

What is the behavior meant here? Is it having to respect a woman in a bar when she turns you down? Is it not catcalling?

This is too vague an argument for me to counter act. I could make the exact same argument about men with this lack of detail.

Employment
Men are more likely to die in more work related accidents because the jobs that involve dangerous machinery are male dominated. Here's a list of some of the most dangerous jobs in North America

How many female loggers, construction workers, roofers, fishers, and machinists do you know?
For a long time women weren't allowed to do those jobs. Even now that women are getting jobs in these industries, many men in that field don't want them there. The easiest solution is to make the workplace as hostile as possible. North Country focuses on that type of harassment and the first class action lawsuit against it. My explanation is oversimplified but that's a big part of this statistic.

Suicide
I think the suicide statistic ties back into men repressing their emotions. Men aren’t supposed to be sad or depressed, remember? Society gives them few outlets for their feelings while still “being a man.”

I have struggled with depression and if you’re conditioned to never ask for help or talk about it, of course suicide will look like a valid option. It’s the toxic masculinity of our culture.

Sexuality
This is patently false.

Female sexuality can be seen as liberating but women risk being sucked into the virgin/whore dichotomy. We’re supposed to be sexually appealing and sexually available but not so available that we’re giving it away for free. Once we do that, we’re just sluts.

When was the last time a man was called a slut for no reason other than what he was wearing? If a man has a one-night stand, he’s a player. He’s praised. Men further this dynamic by ragging on each other if they don’t get laid and elevating ones who do.

The reason female sexuality may seem liberating is that some women are trying to reclaim the entire idea of it. We’re taking it back and defining it on our own terms. This is not demonizing men or their sexuality.

This whole thing goes sooooo much deeper than I can say in one blog. I'd recommend doing your own homework.

Homelessness
Part of the homeless statistic is veterans. For a long time, women were kept in very limited military roles. Several homeless men are veterans who have trouble readjusting to society coming back from war. It’s a job not often open to women so this is a contributing factor.

I don’t know much about homelessness beyond this issue so I won’t try to speak to it.

Violence
Men are victims of various kinds of violence for several reasons.  Our culture encourages fighting and aggression in men because it’s what it means to “be a man.”

Rape is thought to be the most underreported crime in North America. Women are more likely to come forward than men because a man being sexually assaulted, by either gender, is seen as shameful. He’ll lose respectability as a man. It’s another part of the toxic masculinity in our culture.

Women are statistically more likely to be a victim of partner abuse. I’ve heard everything from 1 in 3 or 4 to 1 in 6. The point being that if you get 12 women in a room, the numbers say that at least 2 have been abused by their partners. I doubt the numbers for men are that extreme.

I won’t change everyone’s minds but almost everything I’ve said here can be backed up in a simply Google search with reliable sources. Can MRAs say the same?