Latch On, Latch Off

The mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, is a jackass. As someone who doesn’t live in New York, why do I feel this way? Because of his ‘Latch On’ initiative.

Starting in September, Bloomberg wants to change NYC hospital’s protocol for giving out baby formula to new mothers. They will cease giving out goodie bags with formula in it (that’s the hospital’s prerogative) and formula must be signed out like a prescription. Each time a mother gets formula, she must get lectured on why breast feeding is better for her child. Are you fucking kidding me?

Some women physically cannot breast feed. Whether it was because of a necessary breast reduction, reconstructive surgery, or a graduation gift is irrelevant.  These women just went through something very traumatic for their bodies. Their hormones are still recalibrating and their getting used to their new post-childbirth bodies while caring for a very demanding little person. They can’t do it and lecturing them won’t fix that but it’s still appropriate to question her ability to care for her child?

And of the women who choose not to? It’s their kid, it’s their choice. I don’t know a lot about babies and breastfeeding but in NYC I have a hard time believing these women are making an uninformed decision. Unless Bloomberg is going to let some of these women come over and tell him how he’s screwing up his family, he needs to butt out. 

And what about the women who are trying to breastfeed and it’s not working? Contrary to popular (male) belief, breastfeeding is not something that comes naturally to all women. I have read several essays and articles from new mothers who had a very difficult time getting breastfeeding right even with help. 

Should the baby not get nourishment until the women can pony up for a lactation specialist? Several of the women who had difficulty breastfeeding reported that they were made to feel like less of a woman and mother. Is Bloomberg going to offer free classes to these women or just be condescending and unhelpful?

What gives Bloomberg the right to raise arms up against these women? Is he a lactation specialist? Did he start a second career as a doula? Is he some secretly fantastic breastfeeding father? Does he have breasts? Very much no. 

Does he really have nothing better to do with his time? Is all the crime gone from NYC? Did all the drug dealers pack up shop? Are the leagues of homeless being shipped to New Jersey? Are the roads and subways are in perfect condition? No? Then clearly you have better things to worry about you insensitive jackass.

These are not his children. This is not his body. This is not something he could ever hope to understand. This is none of his business and the fact that he doesn’t see that deeply offends me as a woman. 

Current Jams: Ghosts Are Gone by Stevie Nicks

How About We...

With most dating sites, you find a person you want to go out with and then figure out a date. The site How About We flips it. A person suggests a date and you go from there. I think this is a brilliant concept. You meet the person and go on the date suggested.

Most of the guys in my area had less than original ideas: meet up at DuClaw, talk over coffee. One guy had the picnic in Annapolis which is a cute idea. I know a park right off the bay that would be great for that.

The website ideas were cool: go to a dive bar and order the girliest drinks in the place, take a salsa class, go to a used bookstore and pick something for the other to read. I would love to do that last one at Kramer’s Books and Afterwords. I’d be having a fun date and support a beloved local business.

I haven’t signed up yet because I promised a friend of mine we’d do J-Date together. As a goy, I’m not overly optimistic about my chances there so I’m only going to do it for a month. Plus, September and October are my busy seasons. I don't have time to spend an entire Sunday getting not-coffee.

Current Music: Home by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

Alphabet Challenge Round 20

Finding the letter Q was a bitch but I was able to do it with Q & A by Vikas Swarup. It was republished as Slumdog Millionaire after the very popular movie.

I have never seen the movie. Once I realized it was a book, I wanted to wait. I’m glad I did because I’m sure something was lost in the translation.  The story opens with Ram Mohammad Thomas being arrested because there was no way a destitute waiter could have won a quiz show.

Each chapter explains how his troubled life lead him to know the answers to all the questions he was asked. His life as full of tragedy and hardship and each piece of information he learned was hard earned. Anytime things seemed to get better, something came along to topple them all down. 

While it was depressing, I’m sure this book is a (fairly) realistic depiction of what life is like for the impoverished in India. Ram never stopped moving, never stopped trying to make some sort of life for himself. That was very compelling; it was very reminiscent of the American Dream., Well, until you get to the end and find out why Ram really wanted to be on the quiz show. It's a pretty good book and I liked it. 

A - American Virgin by Steven Seagle

B

C

D - Divergent by Veronica Roth

E - Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

F - Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

G - The Great Fables Crossover by Bill Willingham

H - How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown

I - I Do But I Don't by Kamy Wicoff

J - Jane Austen Made Me Do It edited by Laurel Ann Nattress

K

L - A Little Night Magic by Lucy March

M - Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen

N - Naked City edited by Ellen Datlow

O - One of Our Thursdays Is Missing by Jasper Fforde

P

Q - Q & A by Vikas Swarup

R - Reality Bites Back by Jennifer L. Pozner

S - Songs of Love and Death edited by George R. R. Martin

T - The Tao of Dating by Ali Binazir

U - Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman

V

W - White Girl Problems by Babe Walker

X - XVI by Julia Karr

Y - Yoga Bitch by Suzanne Morrison

Z - Zoo Story by Thomas French

Current Jams: Queen of Broken Hearts by The Bigger Lights

Weighing In

One of the ways men take power away from women is to demean their appearance. If people are busy judging their weight or outfits, you won’t focus on what they’re doing or saying.

This article perfectly illustrates that point. Feministing has a nice take on it as well.

Leisel Jones has won eight Olympic medals. She is at her fourth Olympic games. She is an accomplished athlete and an incredible woman. Few women on the planet are better at this event than she is. 

Are we talking about her odds of winning a medal? Are we hearing about her training schedule? Has anything changed for these games in particular? Will this be her final Olympics? Nope. We're not talking about any of that. The world is wondering if she's too fat.

I even heard there are sites where you could vote on whether you thought she was too fat. Who are the people voting on this? Probably your average overweight, under-active American sitting in their computer chair judging a person who can float faster than they can swim on a good day.

Michael Phelps might be looking good but word is he has a sorry-ass attitude. I think his fame went to his head and rumor has it he’s being a punk. Yeah it’s tough but it’s what you signed up for. Get butch superstar. Are we voting on whether or not he’s being a punk? Of course not. He’s a man and he’s a star. Why would people ever think about a thing like that?

I’m sure there’s several men competing in events who don’t look like they’re in peak shape. Are we talking about them? Can anybody name one without doing extensive research? Didn’t think so. I don't think mutual objectification is a solution but men are not judged the same way as women. If we were, this whole thing would sound as ridiculous as it should.

When I went to search for original and I didn’t find anything. After there was such an uproar, I’m such the Herald Sun took it down. It doesn’t make them any less wrong or sexist; just capable of damage control.

Current Music: Revolution by The Murder of My Sweet

Bass Pro Shopping

I went to Bass Pro Shop today. I haven’t been in one since high school. Urbanites should be warned before going into that place. Although the sign that says “Please check your guns and crossbows with customer service” may do that.

They had entire sections of the store devoted to fishing, boating, camping, and hunting. Not only did they have guns and ammo; they had high-end metal contraptions for climbing and staying in trees. There was an entire section devoted to camo-wear. I saw a guy loading a cart with deer corn. They even have a camo dog crate because you have to keep your bird dog in something. And not only did they have a massive section of the store devoted to rods and reels, they also had boats, canoes, and kayaks.

They also had some seriously cute clothes and a lot of workout wear. Most were overpriced but I’d have felt that way in Macy’s or Eddie Bauer as well. Some of the sales were decent. They also had a really good selection of athletic shoes (why I was there) and boots. They even had fresh fudge and popcorn. I was in a skirt so I couldn’t try the rock wall.

This is not your average country boy supply store. Urbanites will get an education and then buy some North Face gear. It's what we know.

One Small Thing

My friend came up with the idea to text a guy she started seeing one random question a day. I posted about that here.

One idea I had a while back was that when you want to get to know someone you each text each other one factoid about yourself each day for a month. It can be something you did, something you love/hate, something personal that they need to know, or just something random. e.g.

I’m allergic to peanuts

I love wearing pajamas with fun patterns

My father died when I was 13

I paint my face for football games

I’ve seen BSB in concert twice

I hate mustard

I’m divorced

I love Jane Austen

I was head cheerleader in high school

I accidentally flipped off a cop and he let me go

I’ve seen every Jay and Silent Bob movie to date

I don’t know how to swim

My favorite book is Brave New World

Something like this can be a bright spot in your day especially when you don’t know what to expect. Just for fun, six of those things listed do not apply to me. Everything else is true. You can guess if you want. I’ll tell you if you’re wrong.

Current Music: Wolf & I by Oh Land

Talk to Me

What is it with my generation and their inability to have an actual conversation over the phone? I hate to break it to you guys but if you can have a conversation face to face, you can have one over the phone. Mechanics are really effing similar.

I dated a guy who said he preferred to talk over G-chat rather than over the phone. Why? He had more control over what he said. He was worried that eventually his inability to handle conversations wouldn’t be enough. Much to no one’s surprise he didn’t last long.

I’ve been messaging this guy on OKC and I gave him my number. His response? He’s “pretty averse to actual talking phone calls” so he’s unlikely to ever make one but he will answer them so he gave me his number. He’s also good with texting and face to face. Now I understand why you needed the internet because it sounds like you’re ‘pretty averse’ to ever having a girlfriend. 

I’m going to translate what you said out of Monument to Social Ineptitude and into basic Girl: “I’m pretty averse to making any effort and I can’t be bothered to ever call you but I’ll answer if you call me.” Dude, you are not that fucking special.

One of the main rules of women regardless of sexuality, age, or stance on feminism is you need to pick up a goddamn phone! You want to know how I gauge a man’s interest? By seeing if he’ll call me without me initiating it. 

I dated a shy hockey player I knew was interested. How did I know? He called me during play-off games. Yes, that’s plural. He was a reserved guy but he still called me and talked to me a couple of times a week. If he’s not calling, he’s not that interested. Period.

I have no intention of actually calling this guy. I'm not even sure if I should bother responding if he texts me. I like to talk. If you're averse to talking and making effort, I'm probably not the girl for you. 

Current Music: American Boys by Halestorm

Watch Out

My friend was asked to give an assessment of an OKC profile for a guy friend since he has a knack for picking the wrong girl. Here’s a quote from her profile: “I definitely have my sourpuss moments. I have mood swings so you'd better watch out.”

Run! Run like a black man in a horror movie. Run like a slutty cheerleader in a slasher flick. Run like a metrosexual man in the West Virginia mountains.

People prettify the truth in their on-line profiles. You’re not really effing weird; you’re an individual. You’re not an unrealistic perfectionist; you’re unwilling to settle. You’re not morbidly obese; you’re a teddy bear.

This is the best version of herself she’s presenting and she’s saying you need to watch out. She’s not a sourpuss; she’s bat shit crazy. 

She may be a new breed of bat shit crazy since I had a roommate that should've upped her dosage and even she wouldn't have put that down.

The fact that he has been doing the on-line dating thing longer than five minutes and didn’t see this immediately makes me worry for him.

Current Background Noise: Dangerous and Sweet by Lenka

Strikes Your Fancy

Last night a friend and I saw Flight of Fancy with the DC Fringe Fest. It was billed as a steampunk ballet. I loved it. If ballet is always this cool, I need to start going more. 

All of the songs were alt-rock type of songs which gave the show a much more contemporary feel. It made ballet much more accessible. A lot of younger people think of ballet as something formal and culturally distant. This made it feel fresh and fun.

It starts with the aviator visiting a world where everyone is the same. The aviator comes and changes all that. People awaken their imagination and feel alive. There was one scene where the dancers had small flashlights strapped to their bodies that I thought was just brilliant.

You saw the steampunk in the costumes but it was understated. I have friends who cosplay steampunk and it can be very other the top. Here, the costumes fit the art forms.

I’m sure reviewers complain about some of the little stuff that goes wrong in some of the smaller productions you see in fringe but that means you’re not seeing the forest for the trees. I thought this show was excellent in concept and execution and will definitely be looking into more shows from this company.

Chilling to: Abraham's Daughter by Arcade Fire

Alphabet Challenge Round 19 or Sing Me a Song I Don’t Know the Words To

S is for Songs of Love and Death, an anthology edited by George R. R. Martin. I loved the concept of stories about star-crossed lovers. I think it’s a theme you don’t see enough of in popular literature. The stories dealt with Victorian England, contemporary America, interstellar travel, royals, peasants, ghosts, magic and mere mortals. Despite such a wide range, they all fit together because of the universal emotion that dominates the story.

While everyone loves a happy ending, you don’t always get one in the real world. I liked that there was a balance of happy endings and doomed romances. That’s the point of star-crossed lovers; fate is against them and that can’t always be rewritten.

My favorite story was The Wayfarer’s Advice. It epitomized the theme for me. I strongly recommend reading it. The other stories I especially liked were Rooftops, Blue Boots, Courting Trouble, The Demon Dancer, and Kaskia.

A - American Virgin by Steven Seagle

B

C

D - Divergent by Veronica Roth

E - Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

F - Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

G - The Great Fables Crossover by Bill Willingham

H - How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown

I - I Do But I Don't by Kamy Wicoff

J - Jane Austen Made Me Do It edited by Laurel Ann Nattress

K

L - A Little Night Magic by Lucy March

M - Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen

N - Naked City edited by Ellen Datlow

O - One of Our Thursdays Is Missing by Jasper Fforde

P

Q

R - Reality Bites Back by Jennifer L. Pozner

S - Songs of Love and Death edited by George R. R. Martin

T - The Tao of Dating by Ali Binazir

U - Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman

V

W - White Girl Problems by Babe Walker

X - XVI by Julia Karr

Y - Yoga Bitch by Suzanne Morrison

Z - Zoo Story by Thomas French

Current Background Sound: Stairway to the Skies by Within Temptation

One Little Question

My friend just started seeing somebody and she’s been doing something I think is very clever and cute. She’s been texting him random questions like “What’s your favorite color?” and “When you sleep alone, what’s your favorite PJs?”

I think that’s a really cute way to get to know somebody. You can take turns asking the person something you’re wondering about them. Dogs or cats? Favorite book? What music do you listen to when you’re sad? Pirate or ninja? Coffee or tea?

I’ve read several articles on Psychology Today about how regular contact reaffirms your connect and is good for your relationship. Of course it can probably also help you figure out  if you want a relationship with that person. 

I may have to try that with the next candidate for the role of my next boyfriend.

Current Music: A Heavy Abacus by The Joy Formidable

iConfess

This past Friday I saw iConfess part of DC Fringe Fest. The audience takes pieces of paper, writes a secret on them and places it in a basket at the front the stage. When the show starts the cast comes out one by one and selects a secret. The show started with a cast member reading a secret and playing off it. As the show went on, some of the secrets got worked into the show.

Unfortunately not all the secrets got worked into the show. There were seven cast members but only revealed five secrets. Despite a sold-out show, one of them was mine.

-I dated a married man.

-When I was married I figured out my husband’s password and found everything.

-I believe love is something that happens to other people.

-I embezzled money when I was 4^th grade class president.

-I’m too scared to call for the HIV test results.

The love secret made the entire audience go ‘aw’ like their hearts just broke a little bit. The HIV secret made the entire audience go ‘oh’ like on a sitcom.

The popular theory is that I embezzled in 4^th grade. My BFF maintains that it was the password one despite my very single status. Some of my friends suspect that it’s the love one since my relationships were portraits of dysfunction. Most people wisely rule out the last one because  safe sex + uber-nerds + difficult to find veins makes the password one a more likely candidate.

Which one is it? I’ll never tell. A girl’s got to have some secrets ; )

I’m definitely going back and to see this again. Since it’s improvised each time based on the secrets, it’s a new show each time. The cast was very creative and the show was very funny. One of the reviewers complained about the quality of the improvised song but if you’re making it up as you go, I can see where you wouldn’t be pitch perfect.

Now what secret should iConfess next time…

Currently rocking out to: Bleed Me Dry by The Murder of My Sweet

Alphabet Challenge Round 18

I is for I Do But I Don't: Why the Way We Marry Matters by Kamy Wicoff.

I am so glad there is a book out there about how messed up the modern wedding industry is. Wicoff provides a feminist dissection of several different aspects of her wedding planning from the proposal, the dress, the bachelorette party, and the day itself.

Wicoff talks about things so many of us notice but never address. Why can’t women propose? Why is it expected a woman will change her name? Why do so many place price gouge the second you say wedding? Why are you sized up by your ring? She talks about bridal anxiety, pressure, identity crisis, and the rampant consumerism that has come to represent modern matrimony.

I appreciated all the external research Wicoff put into this. She backs up her opinions and observations and gives them more context. She also interviews several other women about their experiences with the wedding industry. My only complaint there was that I could have liked to have seen more details about some of the women interviewed. Wicoff gives us context for any woman she quotes but I would have liked her to have gone a bit deeper with a few of those women.

The book did drag on in several places and in some places it just started to sound very repetitive. Wicoff usually moved on to a different aspect of whatever topic she was addressing but not with great immediacy. That made the book feel longer than it was in places. Either way, I liked this book and I think more people need to think like this about the wedding world.

A - American Virgin by Steven Seagle

B

C

D - Divergent by Veronica Roth

E - Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

F - Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James

G - The Great Fables Crossover by Bill Willingham

H - How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming by Mike Brown

I - I Do But I Don't by Kamy Wicoff

J - Jane Austen Made Me Do It edited by Laurel Ann Nattress

K

L - A Little Night Magic by Lucy March

M - Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen

N - Naked City edited by Ellen Datlow

O - One of Our Thursdays Is Missing by Jasper Fforde

P

Q

R - Reality Bites Back by Jennifer L. Pozner

S

T - The Tao of Dating by Dr. Ali Binazir

U - Unorthodox by Deborah Feldman

V

W - White Girl Problems by Babe Walker

X - XVI by Julia Karr

Y - Yoga Bitch by Suzanne Morrison

Z - Zoo Story by Thomas French

Current Music: I Do by Better Than Ezra

Very Wrong Number

My cell phone number has several 9s in it. I have seen bad hand writing that has mutated 9s into looking like 7, 4, and/or 1. Due to this, I get a decent amount of wrong numbers, even more so lately.

Since I save all of my friends numbers right away, most unknowns during non-business hours are fair game. I don’t do anything cruel but I do like to have my fun. The ways I’ve been answering my phone lately are:

City Morgue. You kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.

Roadside Grill. You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em.

___’s Taxidermy. You snuff ‘em, we stuff ‘em.

I haven’t needed more than the above but if you’ve got an suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

Current Guilty Pleasure: Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

Hockey Names

Lately I’ve been blogging about books or ripping into the wedding industry. To lighten things up and help alleviate my hockey withdrawal, I present you a meme I found on Twitter this weekend.

Replace Song Lyrics with Hockey Names was trending. I got a kick out of “Crosby looks like a lady.” I had some serious fun with the Caps roster.

Put Johansson me

Save a horse, ride an Aucion

Jam on cause Backstrom's got it

You are the Ward I want, the one I need

Neuvy let me go

With you I stop Perreault-tending

Baby when the Laich goes out, I’ll show you what it’s all about

Keep calm and Carlson

Still not Ovi you

Backstrom ass up

Are you Erskine the one you love

Your Hendricks on fire

It's not easy being Green

Holtby darlin' Holtby please

Beagle you are beautiful

Alzner lovers, give me a little bit more

I gotta Perreault-ful of sunshine

You're the Orlov one

Pour some Chimmers on me in the name of love

Don't turn out the Laich now

Burn out the day, burn out the night, I'm Halpern-in' Halpern-in' for you

Stop! It's Hamrlik time

Kickin’ It To: Uprising by Muse

Mix Tape

I had an idea. I remember reading a pop science book that when a class had to match a group of students with the top 10 songs on their iPod, they did so with remarkable accuracy. People have always considered music very representatives of themselves.

Since favorite music is a fairly accurate measure of a person, why not make a mix tape of some of your favorite songs, songs from the year you were born, songs from milestones in your life, songs you just have a connection to, whatever for someone you’re just starting to date?

You exchange mixes, listen to them and either call or meet up again to explain why you picked the songs you did. I think it might make dating a little more interesting and, frankly, enjoyable. I had an ex make me a random mix and I discovered several bands I now love that way. 

Some of my songs would have to be:

The Only Exception by Paramore

This is a love song for cynics ergo I love it.

Only If For a Night by Florence + the Machine

I love the ethereal sound of this song.

Innocence by Halestorm

I really like this band and this is one of my favorite songs by them. It also comes across slightly better than “Love Bites (But So Do I)”

Awake and Alive by Skillet

I discovered this song at a Caps game when they cut video to it. Plus, it’s just a good song.

When She’s On by Chris Young

I love the sentiment of this song plus I can sing along with it rather well if I do say so myself.

This City feat. Lupe Fiasco by Patrick Stump

I am a Maryland girl born and bred. There are only 3 ways I’m leaving this state: witness protection, a job is throwing money at me, or a job is throwing money at my husband. I’ve listed this in order of likelihood.

Turning Tables by ADELE

I love songs about broken hearts because all the best ones come from real experience. They have an extra layer of emotion behind them. This one is no exception.

These are definitely not the only ones I’d use and are subject to change as time goes by. If I ever try this in real life, I’ll report back.