Out of Work, Low on Hope

I had a temporary assignment that would have had me working until the end of March. I left it for another temporary assignment that had no definitive end date and the last person had been there a year. I really liked the group of people I was working with at the first temporary place but I wanted to sign on with the steady pay check. Now I think I made a huge mistake.

My indefinite temporary position was just canceled. I was lead to believe I’d be here longer than a few weeks. They added my name to the birthday calendar, set up regular meetings, gave me projects for a conference they have next week. They had me helping plan a baby shower!

However they really loved the girl who did this job before me. She knew the ins and outs of the position and organization. She wore heels and got things done. I even heard “When I gave ____ this job she just did it and handed it back to me completely finished.” Awesome but I think she’d been there longer than 2 weeks at that point. I came in feeling like I’d never measure up and I certainly don’t feel wrong about that.

Now I’m back to where I was a few months ago: no income, no prospects, and no optimism. I’m incredibly sick of scrambling to find work just to get some sort of income. I’m tired of taking positions that have no career potential. No job I’ve ever worked had career potential. Looking back I wasn’t wrong to take any of the positions I did but they never lead me anywhere.

So many of my friends have good job and career paths. Why can they find something I can’t? Do I really suck that much more than everyone else I know? I turn 27 in a few weeks and I have nothing to show for it. What do I really want for my birthday?

I want a job that could actually go somewhere. I want to be in a place where raises and promotions are not only possible but expected with time and hard work. I want healthcare that doesn’t rip me off because it can. I want to know my next pay check is coming from the same place for the foreseeable future. I want something I’m fairly certain I’ll never have.

Music: Let It Go by Idina Menzel