Spelling It Out: Marital Discord

It was major tabloid fodder in January that Dean McDermott had a one-night stand. Tori opened Spelling It like It Is with a joke about how Star runs this story all the time. The big difference was that he didn’t deny it. Not too long after, McDermott publically checked himself into rehab.

You can really see the problems start in Uncharted TerriTORI with their fights about his motorcycle racing. From an outsider’s perspective, I think it was some combo of midlife crisis and identity establishing that lead McDermott to devote himself so completely to motorcycle racing. Spelling hated it because it took time away from the family and it was dangerous. McDermott sustained multiple injuries in the course of their reality show so Spelling wasn’t wrong.

The problems began when she wasn’t speaking up and he wasn’t seeking balance. Tori also wanted him to quit racing but didn’t want to force him to give it up like his ex-wife. When Dean sold all his motorcycles, Spelling brought some back and said “We finish what we start.” I firmly believe that she lost her ground to complain and resent it once she did that. It’s clear it will always be a source of problems for them.

I suspect another part of the problem was that they fell in love very quickly and got pregnant almost as quickly. They didn’t have that adjustment period to go from honeymooners to expectant parents and went on to have 4 children in a very short time frame. Motherhood had a bigger impact on Tori’s personality and fundamentally changed the structure in their marriage.

Dean was more selfish with his time and some personalities need to be themselves in order to be a better parent. Tori didn’t need that and was hospitalized for 2 months. She wanted to make up for lost time. After her final pregnancy, she had to be readmitted to the hospital because her insides started leaking out. After that entire trauma, I can see where she just wants to be and it had an impact on their physical connection. It comes up in each memoir that Dean is paranoid the sex will stop which can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If she’s doing to stop your paranoia, not out of desire, it sucks some of the fun out of it.

I think it’s a shame that they had to go through such a difficult time in such a public way but when your private life is your job, that’s the breaks sometimes. I hope they work it out and things become better for them.

Music: Ghost by Katy Perry