Human Right to Connect

I saw a random factoid on Facebook that I know hundreds of people will take the wrong way: “A United Nations report said that disconnecting people from the internet is a human rights violation.”

They do not mean your right to bitch about first world problems on Facebook and Twitter. They do not mean leveling up on Candy Crush or checking your fantasy football stats.

Cutting people off from the internet cuts them off from global communication. They don’t know what’s going on in the news, world politics, and even other parts of their own country. Maybe they’re at war with someone else and their country is misreporting how it’s going. Maybe their country is engaging in some serious human rights violations and they have no way of reporting it to the outside world.

If you can’t get in touch with the outside world, how would you even know what is considered a human rights violation? Lack of communication also gives the ability to brainwash citizens or create Stockholm syndrome. If the nation they must love and follow tells them they have it better than the corrupt and dying [western nation to be hated that week], how are they going to know better?

North Korea severely restricts communication with the outside world allowing only a few flights to and from China a month. I saw a documentary in college about life in North Korea and they basically brainwash their citizens. The more loyal to the state you’ve proven to be, the better your life but you have no choice in the matter and no way of knowing another way of life.

Music: Shattered Faith by Bad Religion

It's Everywhere

Love. It’s everywhere. I’ve been seeing a lot of other couples while out and about. It seems like people are marrying and getting engaged left and right. I’m also seeing more of other couples closer to home.

Marianne regularly gushes about how wonderful her life is with her wonderful boyfriend and how just talking about it gives her “pudding face.”

Molly has been dating someone who bases his relationship behavior on what he’s seen in romantic movies. They talk all the time and when they’re around each other they have a hard time not being adorable to the point of distraction. He’s incredibly kind and attentive.

Wickham was a notorious ladies man with no apparent interest in settling down. He started dating someone around April. They just got engaged. A mutual friend says he’s been talking about proposing for months.

Combining this with lack of sleep has lead to unproductive thoughts: Am I doing this wrong? Should I be more gushy and smitten?

I think I’m falling prey to a social media trap. Someone shows their relationship as perfect as it can possibly be on social media. You feel lame because you’re not that gushy, romantic, or twitterpated. The reality you’re not seeing is that their relationship is just as unremarkable as yours.

Add in the fact that women have been conditioned by various forms of media since we were small that love and relationships consist of unrealistic melodrama. Being aware of this phenomenon doesn’t make me immune to it.

Boy Toy is also very reserved. Because I’m very open, I can’t fully understand what’s going on in his head. It’d be nice if he was a bit more expressive. He’s admitted he’d like to be and he’s gotten better but it’s a process. From what he’s told me, his family would be surprised with how open he is with me.

Let’s combine this with the work stress we both have. His is because he’s going between projects while trying to get a security clearance. Mine is because of a variety of reasons best not detailed in a public forum. I think I’d be more excited about us if I was more excited about life in general.

And the most important point: Never compare relationships. Everyone is different and has different needs and expectations. No one’s relationship is made better by comparing or competing.

I could never date Molly’s boyfriend. I dated a guy who was attentive and super-affectionate and I felt smothered. No matter how wonderful Marianne's boyfriend is, no one is perfect. I'm sure in the year+ they've been together, he's done something to tick her off and it hasn't made Facebook. When I told a friend who had seen Wickham in action about his engagement she said “I wonder if she’s pregnant.” Leopards can change their spots but other animals in the jungle are usually skeptical.

Just writing that last paragraph has made me feel better. I’m happy everyone is happy. I wish everyone on the best. Boy Toy and I will never be super romantic because it’s just not us. Maybe we’ll get annoyingly adorable after more time has passed and maybe we’ll save the gushiness for each other

Music: Daylight Matt & Kim

Drama

I always say that my favorite kind of drama is best described in 2 words: not mine. I guess the universe thought I need to be my own source of entertainment because I got a Facebook friend request from an ex last night.

We started dating when I was 20 and were together for 2 ½ years. I explain the demise of that relationship with how he acted after it was over. At the age of 29 he posted a Facebook note announcing our break-up and saying that if people wanted to stop being friends with him out of loyalty to me, he’d understand. He tagged 20 people we met while we were together but avoided anyone who might actually have any loyalty to me.

Two years ago I got a message from him asking if we could be friends. I could either shoot him down directly or ask why. I’m ever curious so I asked why. He claimed he wanted to see if we could and didn’t want bad blood. I reminded him of that stupid note. He apologized and reminded me the friend who introduced us had a birthday coming up. I told him I was out of town and I didn’t want his apologies.

Last night I got a friend request from him. I would say it was out of nowhere but I’d recently been thinking about how happy I am with Boy Toy and how glad guys like that aren’t in my life anymore. I kind of set myself up for this.

There’s no vicarious drama going on so I might as well enjoy my own. Below is the series of messages we sent each other.

Me: What do you want?

Ex: Do I have to want anything? Do you really still hate me?

Me: I don’t hate you but I thought I made it clear that I have no interest in being friends. I wish you the best but I didn’t want you in my life 2 years ago and I don’t want you in my life now.

Ex: Then apologize. You know I don’t just thrust people out of my life unless I truly despise them. Forgive me.

Me: You didn’t thrust me out of your life. I left voluntarily. I’m really happy with my life. I’m in a great relationship and have great friends. There is no place for you in my life. I wish you the best. Please stop reaching out.

Ex: Yes you did. Happy for you. I will.

I have no idea if he wanted an apology or if he meant to say “Then I apologize.” If it’s not a typo, he is so out of line. He’s the one reaching out to me and I have nothing to be sorry for, then or now. I’m truly offended that he told me to forgive him. The only thing I have to do is pay taxes and die. Forgiveness is optional.

I think it really bothers him that he doesn’t get a say in this. Suggesting he thrust me out of his life implies agency. I was more than happy to walk away. He doesn’t get to decide if I come back.

I always suspected he wanted back in because he realized he was never going to do any better. Maybe finally telling him I’m in a good relationship and there is no place for him will get him to give up and move on. I also blocked him so should help too.

Music: Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Guess Who’s Coming for Crabs?

I have a very boring job and a smart phone which results in too much time spent on FB. Boy Toy spends minimal time on FB. Most of his activity in the last month has him tied to me starting with photos from a friend’s B-Day party and ending with a couple of statuses I tagged him in.

That wouldn’t seem to be a big thing except that he’s not posting stuff enough to dilute any of that so the only activity you see for the last month is tied to me. His sister knew he was dating someone early on but his folks didn’t. We haven’t been dating that long so I was fine with them knowing when he was ready to tell them. I figured they’d find out about me somewhere between the end of June and his family trip in August.

His mother has FB.

During a family lunch earlier this week she opened with “So is there any news you’d like to share?” In case he wasn’t getting the hint his sister said that mom had been snooping around FB. Boy Toy confirmed that he has been dating me for a little over a month. He showed his parents a picture I sent him of me modeling a piece for my upcoming cosplay. I’m not sure they realized their son is dating someone who still plays dress-up.

His mother then asks if I’m coming to the family crab feast in a couple of weeks. I guess I am now. If I have to meet his parents, sister, and some family friends I might as well get delicious regional shellfish out of it.

I’ve only met parents once before so I’m a little nervous. He has three older sisters. He’s the youngest and the only boy. They’ll either hate me because no one is good enough for their son (happened to my mom and grandmother) or happy and relieved he’s finally bringing a girl around. I’m hoping for the latter.

At least I’m not the only one with potential nerves. I’m the only daughter of a single mother. We’re almost but not quite Gilmore Girls close. I’m not close to my extended family. He’s meeting my mom when we go to take my little monsters to the dog park on Saturday. Did I mention he never had pets growing up since his mom is allergic?

We get to take turns watching each other squirm.

Music: Homewrecker by Marina and the Diamonds