Yes Means Yes

I’m adding Who Needs Feminism to my list of favorite things. It’s a tumblr of women (and men) explaining why they need feminism. Reading some of these has made me so grateful for the people in my life. I have never been shamed about being a feminist and a strong woman.

I read a tumblr post somewhere about a college guy who was in a cab with a larger gay man who was clearly interested. He talked about how he felt really uncomfortable but didn’t know why. A woman in the class said “Because you were the object of unwanted sexual advances and if he forced himself on you there was little you could do to stop it.” He was shocked when he learned that every single woman in that room felt that way on a regular basis.

I have always felt that telling The Boy “No” for whatever reason was an option and that would be the end of it. I never had to justify myself or keep repeating my reasons or have him pester and pout. He accepts ‘no’ and has always respected my body and my choice. He has no idea how rare that is. He still doesn’t get why his ready acceptance of my feelings and desires means a lot. It’s really sweet.

I had to explain that yes The Boy is a feminist mostly because he’d never thought about it that much before. This really drove the point home for me that he is absolutely a feminist because disregarding a woman’s choice in favor of his own desire is not something he’d ever do.

The Name Test

I’ve been told this information needs to be made public. Here’s how to test if you’ve done a good job naming your kid or either gender:

“Now announcing Supreme Court Justice nominee _______”

Here’s how to know if you’ve failed your son:

“Will the defendant ______ please rise.”

Or

“_______, you are the father.”

And here’s how to know you’ve definitely failed your daughter:

“Now coming up on stage number 3 _______”

Yes, I know strippers choose fake names that makes it that much worse if the name really does work there.

Bad Feminist Buzz

I normally really enjoy BuzzFeed articles but today I’m both disappointed and ashamed. Everyone enjoys those silly quizzes or random lists. Everyone loves a good gif but I’m not sure how much more time I want to spend on their website after they debuted the Are You a Bad Feminist quiz.

There’s nothing wrong with wearing make-up, reading magazines, or liking Beyonce. Beyonce is a strong woman and has done a better job than most pop stars *cough*Kelly Clarkson’s a hypocrite*cough* at admitting she is a feminist. There is no shortage of ways to be a feminist and other feminists don’t have to like or agree about all the minutae.

If you’re wearing make-up and reading magazines and emulating the Kardashians, you need to look at why. What’s your motivation? Is it because you want other people to find you pretty? Is it because you like your overall look better when you highlight your cheekbones and tweeze your eye brows? Is this because you genuinely want to or because you think you’re supposed to?

I gave up on Marie Claire when someone said Mike and Molly wasn’t worth watching because ‘fat people making out is gross.’ There’s also an insane amount of advertising in all women’s and fashion magazines. Look at the images. What are the ads showing you? (Other than a woman with no pores. Seriously, try to find one.)

Even if you don’t want to follow Everyday Sexism on Twitter, you should still read it. Not Buying It is a great app to promote media literacy. You don’t have to make these the center of your social media but you shouldn’t be ignorant of what they’re saying. Ignorance is a powerful tool in manipulation and never serves the ignorant. (I’m looking at you Lily the-hard-part-is-over Allen).

I believe in 2 definitions of feminism. The traditional both genders are entitled to the same rights and opportunities and Caitlin Moran’s definition. Check your pants. Is there a vagina? Would you like to be in charge of it? Congrats, you’re a feminist. That’s it. You can crank Single Ladies, wear fancy nail art, vote for Hillary, and still be a feminist.

A bad feminist is one who excludes and openly judges. A bad feminist perpetuates negative stereotypes while talking about the ‘power of women.’ A bad and ignorant feminist thinks the only kind are radical academics and not every day women. 

Are you a bad feminist BuzzFeed? Yes, yes you are.

Music: Suffragette by Nina Gordon 

Update: I think they felt some backlash because this quiz was up the next day.

A 'We' Difference

My crew usually spends Friday night doing happy hour at a local dive/concert venue. The Boy and I were skipping it because a friend was having an Easter dinner party. I got a text from Monica asking if I was coming out despite the fact that she’s only gone twice in the last 6 months. I texted back that I couldn’t make but asked if she finally made it back out. Her response: “Yup. We’re here.”

I mentioned this to a single friend of mine and she rolled her eyes and made a face. Since none of my close friends are married or cohabitating yet, it’s weird to hear ‘we’ when you’re expecting ‘I.’ The single people aren’t eager to change that and most couples don’t want to fast track things. Most.

Monica has been dating her boyfriend Augustus for 11 months, not too long after The Boy and I got together. They are very happy and looking into cohabitation. He doesn’t live locally but reasonably close by. For a ‘long-distance’ couple, they don’t really see each other any less than The Boy and I do.

I think M & R got more serious faster than The Boy and I is because they desire that level of commitment more than we do. They’re the kind of couple that enjoys talking every night, spending vacations glued together, and occasionally inducing mild nausea with their cuteness.

I think the disconnect comes from the fact that Monica and Augustus are the first in our group of friends to get there. Despite doing most of our socializing together, I don’t assume the ‘we’ is implied for the couple I’m in. This is true of another couple The Boy and I usually socialize with.

It was also weird to get ‘we’ when you weren’t asking about the couple but I think it’s only a matter of time until it happens again. People are starting to pair off more and we’re all getting older. I think M & R are the canary in the coal mine. I have no idea when I’ll stop being a ‘me’ and become a ‘we’ but I’m sure it’s already started. I just can’t see it because I’m already in the mine with the canary.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I’ve been listening to the We’re Alive podcast that is about survivors in a (kinda-sorta) zombie apocalypse. The apocalypse is real but the zombies are a whole new animal. You should try it. It can be quite intense.

I was at a part where someone had been shot and they had to dig the bullet out. He’s screaming in pain. I had to scan something with Jot Not and my headphones were getting in the way so I just took them out. I kept playing the podcast.

Apparently the actor did a very good job because shortly thereafter 2 people came dashing into the room to see what was going on. They quickly realized it was my zombie podcast.

Moral of the story: If people in your media are screaming, use headphones.

Lego My Highway. She Means Business.

I forgot to add this conversation that happened last weekend to the blog until just now. The Boy and I were driving to NOVA from MD which involves driving on DC’s highways.

I get into my lane just as someone decides he should be there as well. I lay on my horn but this does nothing to discourage his movement. I back off so there isn’t an accident on a shoulder-less highway and he cuts across 3 more lanes of traffic.

Once I had full control of the car and I knew we wouldn’t die in a massive conflagration, I reverted to my usual ‘idiots drive among us’ mental state:

Me: “Fuck off and die in a car fire you twatmonkey!”

The Boy: (no reaction)

Me: “I hope you step on a bunch of Legos in the dark!”

The Boy: “Ow!”

Me: “Seriously? ‘Die in a car fire’ and you don’t blink but ‘step on Legos’ and suddenly I mean business?

Yup, this is my relationship.

Baker's Dozen Challenge Book 6

For fiction I read The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion. Professor Don Tillman has always had problems with relationships. Because of his social ineptitude, conventional dating has always been a disaster. When he decides it’s time to find a partner, he decides to be as scientific about it as possible. He creates a questionnaire and begins The Wife Project. The results are crazier than any scientist could have ever predicted.

Simsion’s protagonist has a raging case of high-functioning autism. Apparently Asperger’s syndrome is on it’s way out due to lack of a concrete definition. Don’s voice is so different from regular narrators because he’s so different from regular people. I found it incredibly delightful.

As a nerd I see a larger than average number of people who fall on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. This gave me really good insight into how their mind works. If this had painted a better picture it could have fallen under Learned Something.

I think it should be on the required reading list for Aspie’s who want to socialize better. Don gets a gradual lesson on interacting with people from several people who are very patient with him. It took Don a lot of practice and effort to get things right. I wasn’t sure how much I loved what he did in the end but I liked that he was willing to put in more effort.

I really enjoyed this and would definitely recommend it.

1) Another World –

2) Learned Something –

3) Movie-Book – The Fault in Out Stars by John Green

4) Graphic Novel – Fanboys vs. Zombies Vol 1 by Sam Humphries

5) Dust –

6) Nonfiction –

7) Reread – Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (as read by Will Wheaton)

8) Shorts – 20something Essays by 20something Writers edited by Matt Kellogg and Jillian Quint

9) Fiction – The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

10) Shiny – Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay

11) Retelling –

12) Wild Card –

13) The End –

Music: Love Me by Katy Perry