Complaint Department

I have confirmed that I am quite good at the strongly worded customer service letter. In the last few years, I’ve gotten an upgrade to free shipping, a $5 credit, a free burrito, and a 5 song credit. Since many people complain but don’t always see results, I’m offering a few tips.

Only complain if you have a valid reason – If you become a frequent flyer, you will stop getting rewards for being a perpetual whiner. I am sure they have ways of flagging these kinds of people. If your reason sucks, you won’t get anything. My examples are below.

-My complaint to the Apple store came from a simple question I wanted to email in. The website wouldn’t work enough times I called the help line (which I hate doing). The automated system told me to use the website that wouldn’t let me send the email. Once I finally got my email sent, I told them what a nightmare it was getting the email sent. I got the 5 free song credits along with my answer.

-I ordered some books from Amazon. Normally, they come shrink-wrapped and waiting on my front step. All 5 or 6 books were loose in the box with some of those little air pillows for protection. It was also left out on a day when it was supposed to (and did) rain. I rightly complained and received $5 for my trouble.

Don’t forget good service – If the business you’re complaining too has never wronged you before or has done so infrequently, say so. It gives you more grounds to say how disappointed you are. I am a frequent customer at several restaurants and retailers. I can speak to how service usually is and how this deviates.

Be articulate – Clearly state what the problem was. Make sure they know the situation, the details, and how you felt because of their errors. If you’re angry, frustrated, disappointed, or other emotion make sure you say it as well as reflect it in your tone.

Don’t name call – Whoever is answering your email/call did not cause whatever trouble you’re experiencing.

Don’t swear – Once again, these people catch nonstop crap for something they didn’t do. Swearing makes you sound less intelligent, articulate, and sympathetic.

Get names – If the complaint is about an individual, remember name and/or identifying details. Bossman can’t do anything if he doesn’t know who’s screwing up.

No empty threats – Don’t threaten to take your business elsewhere if you don’t mean it. I no longer shop the cheezburger store for this reason. Threaten to tell others how bad the service was (you probably have already).

Compare to competitors – If they have a popular competitor you also use, say this has never happened with them. Don’t do this if you can’t back it up.

-I had a coupon code I was trying to redeem for a shirt. It did not show up on my emailed statement. When I attempted to use it again for a seasonal shirt, I was denied. I emailed customer service. I didn’t get a response for weeks and ordered my shirt before the expiration date sans discount. I got a response to my second email that the code didn’t show up on statements. I wasn’t offered a further discount or an apology. I emailed them back saying that I was so disappointed in their ‘service’ that I was done being their customer. I’m still repeating the story to this day.

Current Music: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men

Reach Out and Touch

Whilst radio surfing I heard a Marilyn Manson song that reminded me of a Hilary Duff song my roommate liked in college.

Don’t believe me? Reach out and touch faith. Now reach out and touch me. 

This was the video where Hilary Duff wanted to prove she could slut it up just as well as every Disney pop-tart who went before her. Her song was also released four years after Manson’s song. Despite the similarities, I really don’t want to give Duff that much credit. If she was sampling Manson, it was either due to a producer or sheer accident IMHO.

While I’m not a Manson fan, I got a kick out of this song. Part of it is because I’m spiritual, not religious. Another part because even if I ignore the hell out of my coworker, I still hear her say god, Jesus, lord or some combination of the three about 10 times a day. (I ball-parked it after a week of being severely under stimulated.) Anyone that inflammatory has to make a few good points now and again.

Halloween Reads

Christians are bitching about devil worshippers, stores have sections with pumpkins that talk and more candy than Hershey, PA , one of my dogs has a superhero cape, and there’s suddenly waits for all the creepy movies on NetFlix. Yes, October has finally arrived.

Since I confirmed last month that I really don’t enjoy people scaring the bejesus out of me, I’m embracing a different Halloween tradition: theme reading. I’m going to list some of my favorites and some of my to-reads for this Halloween season. If you have anything to add to the list, I would love to hear about it.

Read It

1) The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman – Perfect for the younger crowd but I adore it as an adult. After his family was killed, Nobody Owens was raised by ghosts, a vampire, a witch, and a few other characters. Despite all that, he’s not entirely safe.

2) Nocturnes by John Connolly – A collection of short stories that are creepy and well written. I learned the hard way this was not bedtime reading.

3) The Gates by John Connolly – Written for a younger audience, this book has demons, monsters, and the end of the world on Halloween. Who’s going to stop it? A boy and his dog.

4) Anything by H. P. Lovecraft or Edgar Allen Poe – The grandfathers of modern horror. You can’t go wrong with anything they’ve got.

5) The Twilight Zone edited by Carol Serling – One of my favorite anthologies, the stories are incredibly reminiscent of the original show.

Currently Reading

1) Halloween Spirits edited by Maria Alexander – So far I’ve found this to be a fun and easy read. Most of the stories take place on Halloween so it’s an inexpensive way to get in the spirit. (I got it for cheap for Kindle).

To Read

1) Dark Harvest by Norman Patridge – It combines monsters, coming of age, small town ennui, and Halloween. It seemed worth a look.

2) Halloween edited by Sarah Langan – I finally bought this after seeing it in bookstores for ages. The Ray Bradbury story is only in the print edition.

3) The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury – Between the name and writer, I was sold.

4) Deadfall Hotel by Steven Rasnic Tem – It’s a more literary look at horror and what scares us.

5) Deadly Treats edited by Ann Frasier – Another inexpensive Kindle collection. It looked like fun.

6) Monster’s Corner edited by Christopher Golden – All the stories are told from the monster’s point of view.

Current Music: Monster Mash by Bobby “Boris” Pickett

Single in the Shire

A short while back, I was blogging about how men are getting stupider and stupider. It’s official. It took a month but I found the third example.

The same charmer from the haunted house blog was to join me at the Maryland Renaissance Festival today. He confirmed these plans on Friday and again yesterday. The National Book Festival was this weekend and I kind of wanted to go to the second day but I was willing to go to RenFest for him.

When I go I always get there close to when it opens. It’s common knowledge about Cherry. I texted my date jokingly about if the famous procrastinator was going to make it. He texted me back 45 minutes later that it didn’t look good. 

20 minutes later I get a phone call. He’s not going to make it. The earliest he could be there was noon and the latest he could stay was 4:30 and it just didn’t seem worth it to be there for four hours. Glad to know seeing me at all this week just wasn’t worth it. Very informative about where I stand.

I told him that he was the reason I came, I had other things I could have been and wanted to be doing, and I just lost a day off my pass. He hemmed and hawed and didn’t really apologize so I said, “Well, I guess there’s nothing left to say” and hung up on him.

I knew he wasn’t an early person, didn’t live nearby, and had an evening commitment. I figured he wasn’t going to be there for more than four or five hours. I guess I was the only one with any foresight because he had ample time to cancel and didn't. I love the RenFest but it’s suddenly less desirable when you’re shanghaied into being there.

It was still one of my favorite places to be and I know several people who are there almost every weekend so I tried to make the best of it. In doing so, I got to catch a band that was on their final day, get an adorable new cape, had a Rennie* a photographer tell me how pretty I am (which my date has never done), and catch up with several Rennie friends. I also got reminded why I love RenFest people so much.

I was stopped by a woman in garb who was interviewing people about their high points and low points of the day. I told her that it was early so the high point was probably yet to come and the low point was when my date bailed. She said he wasn’t worthy and I should go and find another date there. 

At one point I was sitting by myself people watching before finding my friends and one of the wandering performers came by and gave me a little show of contact juggling (links below). I got my own private performance. It was neat. I’m a dork. 

Later I was venting to my BFF on the phone while I was waiting for my friends to find me and two gentlemen heard me say, “If he does this to me again, I’m done. I don’t need this crap.” One guy said, “Stay strong!” My voice carries so this happens more than you’d think. I ended up explaining exactly what happened. One guy said he’d have been here for four hours if he’d had a date. The other guy said he’d have been there for 20 minutes. I’m young enough to be his daughter so no phone numbers were exchanged.

As for my date? It's 9 PM and I have not heard a peep. One friend wants me to give him another chance because he seems like such a nice guy. Another thinks he needs to make it up to me. I lost track of the people who thought he behaved like a jerk, asshole, and/or douche bag after five. 

I’m not beyond giving him a second chance but I’m not eager to do it given his reason for bailing. We'll see what he does over the next few days. I doubt he spent much of today thinking about me or what he did. 

As for making it up to me, I’m not an idiot. Would it be nice if he made it up to me? Of course. Have I dated enough to know better than to expect such behavior? Absolutely. I don't know if and when I'll see him again but any plans I may make won't be any I can't afford to break.

UPDATE: I did hear from him three days later. He didn't realize he was trouble! My friend texted him saying "You either need to call me or call her and apologize. Otherwise, it was nice to have met you." Less than 10 minutes later I had a text with an apology and a promise to call. He called, we talked, and he knows why it was a big screw up. We fine but not great.

*Rennie = A hardcore Renaissance Festival person. They attend almost every available weekend and are always in garb.

Visual reference on contact juggling:

Single Ball

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Current Music: Undo It by Carrie Underwood

Field of Screaming, Shaking, and Hyperventilating

Target has a candy and decoration section. Seasonal costume stores are springing up. One of my dogs as a costume. Halloween season of scare is upon us.

One of the big attractions on Halloween is haunted houses. Field of Screams in Pennsylvania has one of the earliest openers which my current paramour wanted to attend. My date has been acting in haunted houses for years in his hometown and is doing it again this year. As a veteran, he doesn’t see this as a scary enclosed space; he’s taking notes and critiquing it in his head.

I don’t watch horror movies because of my hyper-active imagination. I’m somewhat high strung and can startle fairly easily. I don’t enjoy being scared. My gentleman caller knew I was apprehensive but I don’t think he fully appreciated what that meant until after we got there.

The haunted hayride was broken so we went to the insane asylum themed house. We were part of a larger group and I quickly learned that the people that get picked on the most are the first, last, and most reactive. I quickly stuck my fearless date on the end and stayed close to the couple in front of us.

The girl was losing it, hard. If I reacted by jumping and making a small noise, she jumped higher and shrieked. Once I reacted, I got left alone. I liked her. The air flow wasn’t great so it was warm and stuffy but it was pretty bearable.

I was doing fine until we got to the end of the creep clown room. You know the stuff they make bouncy castles out of? Imagine two walls stuck together and you have to push your way through. I was thisclose to grabbing one of the actors in a clown mask and saying “Get me the fuck out of here,” family friendly language be damned.

My date held my hand and talked me through the castle of claustrophobia and I still came close to hyperventilating. After that my nerves were shot and we were maybe halfway done. I hadn’t lost the girl who screamed so I was doing OK until my date stopped to look at something and called me back. We hesitated long enough that we lost the other couple. Since I was the only one of the two of us who reacted to anything, I was getting picked on.

After that each time I saw an exit, I stopped and thought about it. I was trying really hard not to wimp out. We finally got to a point where I could feel fresh air behind the door. It’s a black and white checked room, I manage to dodge the clown with the chainless chainsaw but found my path blocked by another guy with a chainsaw.

I had no fight left in me and I wasn’t supposed to touch the actors (but plenty of them touched me which was totally unfair). One of the guys actually prodded my leg with the chainsaw. Not funny. Not cool. If I’d had more energy or fight, I’d have probably kicked him in the chest and he’d have deserved it for cornering people and giving them no way out.

I left sweating, shaking, and not too far away from hyperventilating and/or crying. I made my date sit there and hold me until I calmed down enough for him to do the second house by himself. Then I we got a funnel cake because I earned it dammit.

Our deal was that I’d do a haunted house for him and he’d go to a hockey game for me. With the current NHL lockout, I was traumatized for nothing. I wonder if I can rope into a road trip to a Hershey Bears game…

Current Music: The Greatest Show Unearthed by Creature Feature

Baltimore Comic Con 2012

I really enjoy this con. It’s not like Otakon, Shore Leave, or Dragon Con where it goes on all day and into the night. It ended at seven but I got to meet the creator of Holiday Wars, a web comic that he was able to get published. It turns out he’s semi-local so he was really fun to chat with.

The Kill Shakespeare guys were back! I got to tell one of the creators that I won a nerd-off because we recited Shakespeare to each other at last year’s con. He was very proud to have been a part of that.

I discovered a lot of new writers and creators including Love and Capes about a superhero and his girlfriend who discovers his identity, the Perhapanauts, a team of famous monsters (Big Foot, a Chupacabara) and some meta-humans who go after destructive monsters, Gray Rights and Thrifty Shades of Gray, collections of one panel comics about aliens, FUBAR, a zombie WWII anthology and The Escape Goat, a goat magician with a 2,000 year old assistant.

I also got to meet Tom King the writer of A Once Crowded Sky, a superhero novel. He was selling hardback copies of his book for $15 and signing them. I was so stoked because I’d been waiting to get his book. I’m so glad I did. When I went past his table later, he was totally sold out.

There were also a lot of crazy costumes. Bane (of Batman fame) as a pimp, a RennFest style pirate, Ramona and Gideon (from Scott Pilgrim), Abe Lincoln & John Wilkes Booth, and a bath salt zombie (my date). I was Red Riding Hood from the Fables series. I might enhance the costume next year by wearing cut-offs, a baseball tee, and high tops since Red Riding Hood partakes in baseball later in the series.

It’s one of the smaller cons but it’s still fairly young as far as cons go and they’ve gotten Stan Lee for the last couple of years. Lee’s very picky about what cons he goes to and he has chosen to come to our con multiple times so I think our con has a bright future.

Current Jams: Vampire Club (Twilight Version) - Voltaire

Relationship Status: Awkward Turtle

I was at Baltimore Comic Con yesterday. I was with several of my friends including someone I’d been dating for the past month or so. My gentleman caller and I were off on our own talking to the people from Blind Ferret Entertainment he knew from other cons.

The guys were familiar with my gentleman caller and they noticed the familiarity and flirting between him and I.  One of the Blind Ferret guys asked “So what’s the relationship status between you two?” 

We became the epitome of deer in headlights. Neither one of us wanted to say the wrong thing so we didn’t say anything for about 5 seconds. I finally broke the silence with the ‘awkward turtle’ hand gesture.

We all laughed. After we resumed wandering around the con again, I said “Since this conversation has been forced upon us, what do you think we are?” We agreed that we’re dating and will revisit this at a later date. We had to agree on something since we both find this story so funny that it deserved to be retold.

We’ve only known each other about a month which I think is too early to define the relationship. We enjoy each other’s company, have similar interests, and plan on enjoying those similar interests over the next couple of weeks. We'll see if it continues to go somewhere over the coming weeks.

Current Music: How To Be a Heartbreaker by Marina and the Diamonds