And Stay Out!

In a recent post I talked about a rather stupid woman I heard on the radio who thought surprise cohabitation would go over well. Today on the same radio program they talked about how women slowly move in and get comfortable and how to stop it. They said some women use the same tactics as men but only one woman called the show.

Here’s how to prevent a girl from getting too comfortable

-Don’t let her leave anything overnight, especially a toothbrush. Apparently a toothbrush is the gateway item to moving in. To paraphrase one caller, ‘It starts with a toothbrush and then there’s the bath crap and then there’s an outfit and then she’s got a drawer.’ One of the hosts says he’d throw out her toothbrush out if it came to that.

-Don’t get her a parking permit.

-Don’t let her stay two nights in a row, ever.

-Don’t let her buy groceries or anything for the apartment.

-Don’t tell her your entire schedule. As one caller elaborated, “If you get Wednesdays off, post on FB that you’re going in for a big meeting while you’re sitting at home playing X-Box. Use that time to chill.”

-Never let her use ‘we’ or ‘our’ pronouns regarding your place.

-Don’t let her decorate or rearrange anything. One caller recommended squelching the nesting instinct early.

All of this sounds alarmingly immature. It’s a bunch of boys who aren’t willing to sacrifice their ‘freedom’ for the perceived perils of a relationship. I get your like your independence but if you’re pulling this crap on all women past the age of 23 it’s immature, unattractive, and just a little pathetic.

Develop covert strategies to preserve your freedom to get rejected by a variety of women and go home alone at the end of the night. That guy here with his girlfriend? His couch might have throw pillows and his bathroom full of girlie crap but you know what he’s getting tonight? Laid.

Not all women are out to force you into a commitment and paint your place pink. Most of us have our own lives and interests. If you toss my toothbrush out, I’ll find a guy who wants me and my stuff around.

For the record, the stuff I comfortably need to crash at a guy’s place can fit in a grocery bag, reusable or plastic. If her stuff takes up less space than your last trip to the store for food, chill the frak out.

As for Boy Toy? He shares a house with four other guys and sporadic couch surfers. I’ll stay there but I’m not trying to surreptitiously move into a place where I’m skeptical of going barefoot.

Music: Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy