PSA: When to Stop

I am seriously over nerd guys who can’t take a hint. I see this all the time at cons and several of the geek oriented events I attend. I have been the victim of it more than once. A guy finds a girl he thinks is attractive and won’t leave her alone. Her body language will scream “I’m not interested” but he won’t stop talking at her.

Most of the guys I know have figured out when to back off. For those of you aren’t sure, here are some very good clues that you need to stop:

-If you’re talking to her and she walks away without a word

-If you’re talking to her and she starts talking to other people

-If she turns her back on you to talk to other people

-If she turns her back on you at any available opportunity

-If she’s constantly looking around the room and anywhere else but you while you’re talking

-If her body is (shoulders, torso, feet) facing anywhere else but you

-If you’re talking to her and all she is saying is “Uh-huh”

-If she says “I don’t give my number/email/last name out to people I just met” + any of the physical cues listed above

-If you ask her about doing something but don’t ask her out directly and she gives a noncommittal reply e.g. “I don’t know what I’m doing that weekend” “My schedule is really up in the air” “I might have a thing”

-If she says “I’m here with my friends” or “I need to go talk to [person who isn’t you]” and walks away.

These guys need to watch some YouTube videos on reading body language or set a reminder on your phone because this keeps happening. If a woman enjoys talking to you, she will face you, make eye contact, and participate in the conversation. She will give you her number or plan to see you again.

“Why can’t she just tell me she’s not interested?” She is. You’re not paying attention. You’re too busy talking at her to notice. It may also be because you won’t actually ask her out. You’ll just pester her all night in some junior high attempt at communicating your interest rather than risk rejection. FYI, being a stage 5 clinger all night astronomically increases your odds of rejection.

I know most of the guys who do this mean well and are harmless but they put all women in a horribly awkward position. We are forced to either spend the entire evening dealing with unwanted advances and not talking to people we actually find interesting or be a bitch. When a guy refuses to acknowledge any of the above, we are forced to say “I’m not interested” “It’s not gonna happen” or “Go away.”

Make no mistake, any nerd who has been rightfully put in his place won’t take it well. Despite being oblivious to the feelings of the objects of his affection, he is quite sensitive. It’s why these guys will almost never ask anyone out. They’re scared of rejection. We do not enjoy hurting anyone’s feelings but we also want the option of enjoying our night and relaxing.

Being uncomfortable and being a bitch are not fair choices to put on all geek girls. It’s incredibly selfish of nerd guys IMHO. Guys who do this give all geeks and nerds a bad name.

We are not NPCs in the story of you. We are not here for your entertainment. It is not your right to relentlessly hit on us. We shouldn’t have to constantly cater to the feelings of someone who clearly has no interest in ours.

If you have a friend who does this, refer him to this blog or rephrase it in a nicer way. I’m done being nice.

Music: Nothing to Prove by The Doubleclicks

Dating at Warp Speed

I’ve been binging on the episodes of GeekLove on YouTube. One episode that I really liked was the Mama’s Boy: Ladies Man who learned that he should really move out of his parent’s place. Talk about learning a valuable lesson.

Sci-Fi Speed Dating was at the DC comic convention back in April. Because my friends and I were the last session of the day so we hung around talking to the people running it. We all ended up going to dinner and having a great time. Ryan, the guy who runs it, is absolutely hilarious.

My BFF really wanted to go and I went along as moral support. I’d done it before at a non-nerd MeetUp group and it hadn’t gone well. The only time speed dating had gone well for me before was when I was the only girl. As cool as Ryan and his people are, that still held true in April.

I got no love, no numbers. I have too strong a personality for 3 minute doses IMHO. Ryan said there was one girl at New York Comic Con who went to every single session and got no numbers until the very last session on the very last day when she got more numbers than everyone.

I’m glad it worked for most people on the web show. I did not especially enjoy getting no love while 2 of my friends got numbers so I’m calling it on speed dating for me. Since Boy Toy and I got together a week after that disastrous session, that’s probably a good thing.

I did get one set of good digits out of it. I saw a girl in a book dress, told her it was awesome, and got a new friend. We hang out on the regular and she’ll be joining a group of us for Baltimore Comic Con. We saw the Rocky Horror Show last week. I think this may work out better than most of my past relationships.

Music: Cathose Tragedy by Voltaire

Nerd Blackface: Girls

As a nerd girl, I find a lot of the stereotypes about us personally offensive.

Firstly, we’re not Hope Diamond rare. I’m going to be spending the weekend with three of them. I organize a board game group, attend geek oriented MeetUps and go to a Dr Who happy hour. Any of these events can be up to 50% female. Yes, most nerd events are gender biased toward men but it’s not Where’s Waldo bad.

Secondly, we’re not ogres. I’m not underwear model sexy but I’m easy on the eyes. I have several attractive nerd girl friends. I see a variety of cute, sexy, pretty, and hot at any nerd event. Nerd girls are like regular girls. We come in all shapes and sizes. Not all girls will be pretty to all guys but if you don’t see one attractive female for the whole of a nerd event, there’s something wrong with you.

Thirdly, the hot girls who cosplay some sexy character at cons but actually know nothing of that fandom? She’s not a real nerd. She’s here with her boyfriend or best friend and wanted some attention. Most nerds, male and female, stop finding her hot and start finding her annoying once she starts talking.

Fourthly, the complete opposite of the above would be the fangirl. When she sees David Tennant, Jensen Ackles, Benedict Cumberbatch, young Will Shatner, or some other hot fandom star, she acts like a mainstream 12 year old at a One Direction concert. Not all nerd girls are fangirls. Some ladies may be totally chill around all but one celebrity. I’ve talked about how nerds embraced their unbridled enthusiasm. Fangirls take it a step too far.

Music: Cathouse Tragedy by Voltaire