Tuesday, September 24, 2013

PSA: When to Stop


I am seriously over nerd guys who can’t take a hint. I see this all the time at cons and several of the geek oriented events I attend. I have been the victim of it more than once. A guy finds a girl he thinks is attractive and won’t leave her alone. Her body language will scream “I’m not interested” but he won’t stop talking at her.

Most of the guys I know have figured out when to back off. For those of you aren’t sure, here are some very good clues that you need to stop:

-If you’re talking to her and she walks away without a word

-If you’re talking to her and she starts talking to other people

-If she turns her back on you to talk to other people

-If she turns her back on you at any available opportunity

-If she’s constantly looking around the room and anywhere else but you while you’re talking

-If her body is (shoulders, torso, feet) facing anywhere else but you

-If you’re talking to her and all she is saying is “Uh-huh”

-If she says “I don’t give my number/email/last name out to people I just met” + any of the physical cues listed above

-If you ask her about doing something but don’t ask her out directly and she gives a noncommittal reply e.g. “I don’t know what I’m doing that weekend” “My schedule is really up in the air” “I might have a thing”

-If she says “I’m here with my friends” or “I need to go talk to [person who isn’t you]” and walks away.

These guys need to watch some YouTube videos on reading body language or set a reminder on your phone because this keeps happening. If a woman enjoys talking to you, she will face you, make eye contact, and participate in the conversation. She will give you her number or plan to see you again.

“Why can’t she just tell me she’s not interested?” She is. You’re not paying attention. You’re too busy talking at her to notice. It may also be because you won’t actually ask her out. You’ll just pester her all night in some junior high attempt at communicating your interest rather than risk rejection. FYI, being a stage 5 clinger all night astronomically increases your odds of rejection.

I know most of the guys who do this mean well and are harmless but they put all women in a horribly awkward position. We are forced to either spend the entire evening dealing with unwanted advances and not talking to people we actually find interesting or be a bitch. When a guy refuses to acknowledge any of the above, we are forced to say “I’m not interested” “It’s not gonna happen” or “Go away.”

Make no mistake, any nerd who has been rightfully put in his place won’t take it well. Despite being oblivious to the feelings of the objects of his affection, he is quite sensitive. It’s why these guys will almost never ask anyone out. They’re scared of rejection. We do not enjoy hurting anyone’s feelings but we also want the option of enjoying our night and relaxing.

Being uncomfortable and being a bitch are not fair choices to put on all geek girls. It’s incredibly selfish of nerd guys IMHO. Guys who do this give all geeks and nerds a bad name.

We are not NPCs in the story of you. We are not here for your entertainment. It is not your right to relentlessly hit on us. We shouldn’t have to constantly cater to the feelings of someone who clearly has no interest in ours.

If you have a friend who does this, refer him to this blog or rephrase it in a nicer way. I’m done being nice.

Music: Nothing to Prove by The Doubleclicks

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