Feminism in Pop Music

I love my girly pop. After I escape from work it feels great to roll down the windows and crank Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, and Kelly Clarkson. I’ve seen Katy Perry’s movie and it made me like her better. I think it’s incredibly sweet how in love Kelly Clarkson is with her fiancée. I did some random Googling that made me think less of all of them.

Each of these women has publically said “I’m not a feminist.”

Katy Perry was home schooled in an extremely Christian environment so feminism was probably a dirtier word than MTV in her house. Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift are both from southern towns and market to country radio. Both hip-hop and country music are notorious for being racially monotone, male dominated, and homophobic. Not exactly conducive for women’s empowerment.

I understand none of them grew up with it but if people keep asking “Are you X?” wouldn’t you want to find out why people keep asking instead of always saying “Nope. Not at all.”

Some people have said that the snark and condescension of declared feminists may be turning people off the movement. Each of these singers says they’re not feminists because of antiquated or erroneous ideas of what they think feminism is supposed to be. I’d bet money none of them have made any effort to find out what modern feminism is actually about.

Feminists would probably be less snarky if people would actually do their homework before saying hypocritical crap like “I’m not a feminist but I believe in the power of women.” If you choose to be ignorant, we can choose to be annoyed by it.

The broadest and simplest definition of feminism I’ve ever heard is “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people too.” There are as many versions of feminism as there are women.

You can keep your make-up and heels but think the wage gap is BS. You can believe in the right to choose and still be married with kids. You can be Christian and be morally opposed to abortion and campaign against domestic violence and date rape. You can perform in glittery candy underwear or a lacy dress and talk about the lack of women in government.

Both Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift have never performed in barely there outfits. They wear cute costumes that flatter their figure but they don’t want to perform in their underwear. Some might consider that a feminist statement because they are sending the message to young women that you don’t have to be defined by your body to be successful.

Katy Perry constantly changes her hair color and wears crazy costumes. While many of them are sexed up, she has her own ideas about fashion. She has fun with it rather than wear some simple LBD to a red carpet event. Not conforming to the expected style could be seen as a feminist statement that she’ll do what she wants thank you very much.

I think if someone talked to a few of these women about what feminism actually is, I know at least one of them would change their tune. I’m choosing to believe that otherwise I’d have to find some other tunes to crank before girls night.

Music: Applause by Lade Gaga

Eye of the Tiger

Katy Perry had an interesting interview with Billboard magazine recently and she said some things that bothered me.

I’m going to start off by saying how much I love Katy Perry. Her devotion to her fans is incredible. Her fight to be heard and maintain her creative vision makes her an admirable role model. The fact that she makes fun, enjoyable music is validated by her immense success.

I’ve never been divorced but her marriage was so brief you knew something was wrong at the start. Sometimes you’re so in love you don’t want to face the problems that could end the relationship. Admitting this love may not work is hard and it sucks. When you expect forever and it falls apart, it’s devastating.

Depression is an isolating illness so that even if you know all of that stuff logically, it doesn’t change how you feel. But wanting to end your life because the man who was in it is gone? That’s really sad.

I’ve had issues with depression and I could see my mind going there if I was going through a divorce. But I would immediately. I would never give some man who threw away my heart and feelings that sort of power over me.

Perry had the successful career she fought for years to have. She had, and still does, a team of people working for her continued success. She has a loving and supportive family.

The fact that Brand had that much power over her emotions, especially given what a douche he became post-split, makes me think of the words ‘needy’ and ‘pathetic.’ I know that makes me sound like a huge bitch but she is a role model for young girls. Yes, Perry did endure but if a divorce is the greatest trial she’ll ever face and it made her contemplate ending her life, I don’t know if I’d want her as an icon for my daughter.

My family has been through a much harder trial so I’m biased but watching someone you love die puts things like divorce and keeping up with the Jones into perspective.

Perry isn’t a feminist and wouldn’t say anything about control or male power and saying “Yeah, screw that.” I don’t think she fully realizes the potential impact of that message she’s sending. She spent part of the interview gushing about her on-again boyfriend John Mayer.

I’m glad she found love again. She deserves it. However Mayer has a past of burning through celebrity women and being a jerk about it. He seems different with Perry and, as always, I’m rooting for them. Perry may believe in the power of women but I think she believes in the power of twitterpadtion more.

Music: Suffragette by Nina Gordon

PS: One of the morning DJs on the Kane Show said Perry sounded a little needy to her as well. It’s not just me.

Short: The Perfect Sandwich

I was messing around looking at writing exercises on the internet when I saw one about the perfect sandwich. This is what I came up with for an extra short story.

The Perfect Sandwich

“I tried this burger, marinated in beer, on a pretzel roll with a fried egg. A fried egg!”

“I went to a place that lets you build your own burger. I got bacon, ham, 3 kinds of cheese, fried onions, lettuce and tomato.”

“And hopefully a week of salad for your colon. The best sandwich I ever had was grilled chicken on lightly toasted cibatta bread with bruschetta style tomatoes and a light basil pesto mayonnaise.”

“It was made with generic square shaped white bread so that when you cut it in half it was perfect triangles. The peanut butter was smooth. I’ve always hated nuts in my peanut butter. The texture is all wrong. The jelly was raspberry or strawberry, one of the red flavors. It didn’t have any fruit or seeds it in, very simple stuff. The proportions were perfectly even. Few things I’ve ever eaten tasted as good and simple and perfect as that sandwich.”

“What’s so special about a PB&J when you were a kid?”

“It was the last one my mother ever made. I wasn’t quite a teenager so my mom and I were still close, no adolescent angst to cock it all up. She made me the sandwich before the left to get some groceries. She never made it back from that trip. My last memory of her was making me the most perfect sandwich I’ll ever have. I’ve had burgers, melts, subs, and calzones but nothing will ever top that PB&J.”

“So what’s the weirdest ice cream flavor you’ve ever eaten?”

Romeo, Where For Art Thy Brain?

I’m sure most of you have heard of Romeo Rose. His dating profile went seriously viral in the last few days. He is willing to shell out $1,500 for someone to find him the perfect girlfriend.

It was bad when he starting listing weight requirements. Saying you want someone who is athletic or average is fine. Justify with “I have an active lifestyle so I need someone who can keep up” and you don’t sound like a “No fatties need apply” douche.

Talking about his distaste for ink and piercings was ridiculous. If you must saying something, say it’s not your thing, not that a woman much change her body. Hair and glasses were also out of line. I almost lost it when I saw the ‘can’t be friends with exes’ bit. Those things are our choice and your problem. You don’t get to control what a woman wears or who she talks to.

I saw red when I heard him talk about how pregnancy changes a woman’s body. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids. There is something wrong with him talking about women’s bodies like he has a clue when he has no idea how they work. It’s also not his right to talk about our bodies or our appearance.

The last part just takes the cake. I understand not being especially attracted to a certain ethnic group. You see where other people find person X attractive but you have never happened to be attracted to [Scandinavian, Asian, Klingon, Elder God]. Most people have the good sense not to advertise it in a public forum. Romeo Rose is not most people.

I think it’s the lack of sense, cultural awareness, and any knowledge of history or sociology as to why he explains why whites are the superior race. They weren’t the ones enslaved or contributing anything historically or running Fortune 500 companies. I think if you tried to explain intersectionality, institutional racism, or heteronormativity, his head would explode.

Gawker also notes that he’s also anti-choice, anti-gay, and believes some 9/11 conspiracy theory.

I’m going to quote my mother on this one: “What do you bring to the table?” He’s sexist, racist, and impressive ignorant. Someone needs to tell him you can’t order a girlfriend like a pizza. He needs a whole woman who is stupid enough to think he’s a catch, not a checklist that will never be met.

It's Everywhere

Love. It’s everywhere. I’ve been seeing a lot of other couples while out and about. It seems like people are marrying and getting engaged left and right. I’m also seeing more of other couples closer to home.

Marianne regularly gushes about how wonderful her life is with her wonderful boyfriend and how just talking about it gives her “pudding face.”

Molly has been dating someone who bases his relationship behavior on what he’s seen in romantic movies. They talk all the time and when they’re around each other they have a hard time not being adorable to the point of distraction. He’s incredibly kind and attentive.

Wickham was a notorious ladies man with no apparent interest in settling down. He started dating someone around April. They just got engaged. A mutual friend says he’s been talking about proposing for months.

Combining this with lack of sleep has lead to unproductive thoughts: Am I doing this wrong? Should I be more gushy and smitten?

I think I’m falling prey to a social media trap. Someone shows their relationship as perfect as it can possibly be on social media. You feel lame because you’re not that gushy, romantic, or twitterpated. The reality you’re not seeing is that their relationship is just as unremarkable as yours.

Add in the fact that women have been conditioned by various forms of media since we were small that love and relationships consist of unrealistic melodrama. Being aware of this phenomenon doesn’t make me immune to it.

Boy Toy is also very reserved. Because I’m very open, I can’t fully understand what’s going on in his head. It’d be nice if he was a bit more expressive. He’s admitted he’d like to be and he’s gotten better but it’s a process. From what he’s told me, his family would be surprised with how open he is with me.

Let’s combine this with the work stress we both have. His is because he’s going between projects while trying to get a security clearance. Mine is because of a variety of reasons best not detailed in a public forum. I think I’d be more excited about us if I was more excited about life in general.

And the most important point: Never compare relationships. Everyone is different and has different needs and expectations. No one’s relationship is made better by comparing or competing.

I could never date Molly’s boyfriend. I dated a guy who was attentive and super-affectionate and I felt smothered. No matter how wonderful Marianne's boyfriend is, no one is perfect. I'm sure in the year+ they've been together, he's done something to tick her off and it hasn't made Facebook. When I told a friend who had seen Wickham in action about his engagement she said “I wonder if she’s pregnant.” Leopards can change their spots but other animals in the jungle are usually skeptical.

Just writing that last paragraph has made me feel better. I’m happy everyone is happy. I wish everyone on the best. Boy Toy and I will never be super romantic because it’s just not us. Maybe we’ll get annoyingly adorable after more time has passed and maybe we’ll save the gushiness for each other

Music: Daylight Matt & Kim